Suffering

Depression and No Self-worth

I’ve struggled and been in horrible, depressing bondage most of my life because I had no concept of self-worth and somehow that became tied to my appearance. I’ve struggled since a young teen with BDD, “body dysmorphic disorder”, a totally disabling disorder where the person sees themselves as so ugly and hideously deformed, they feel they have no right to even be alive and fear to be around others. I eventually turned to drink as my ‘coping mechanism” because that was the only way I could be around others and feel somewhat human. I’d been in and out of the hospital 7 times and had seen more Dr’s and taken more meds (often while still drinking) than I can remember. I even had shock therapy to try and overcome the overwhelming depression and hatred for myself.

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The Mountains have been Marvelous, But the Valleys were Killers

My name is Sharon. I have been in recovery from childhood trauma for seven years. The mountains have been marvelous, but the valleys were killers. However, with each up and down I grew in faith. On November 14, I was in a low valley. I felt no one understand the pain of my heart. The only person who understood was my counselor, but she was paid to understand. I needed a Christian brother or sister who had walked before me. I decided I would end it all by taking an overdose.

God had another plan. While in the hospital the Lord spoke to me, and pointed out that I had accepted Jesus as my Savior, but never in my 40 some odd years, had I ever really trusted God with my days, not even one moment. Well, I left the hospital determined to find the heart of God.

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Living a Double Standard

My feelings of guilt and shame towards a same-sex attraction began at an early age. I experienced frequent sexual abuse from an older male friend during most of my teen years, and hustling for money soon followed.

Years later, I was baptized in a Mennonite Brethren church as a public declaration that I would follow Christ. My secret desire was that maybe now my attraction and sexual fantasies towards men would disappear. They didn’t, and the fantasies soon turned into years of acting out behaviours.

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Christian Guidance and Counseling

CLICK HERE IF YOU ARE IN CRISIS Database of Christian Recovery Ministries, Groups, Counselors and Meetings Biblical Counseling Referrals for Christian counselors: Christian Counseling Associations can recommend counselors. The following ministries provide guidance: Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, Guidance Dept. Toll Free Phone: 877-247-2426 Focus on the Family Toll Free Phone: 800-232-6459) American Family Radio Christian

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