Issues & Solution: Husband

Igniting The Fires of Intimacy

I believe, couples, no matter how long they have been married, or how old they are, need to have daily intimate interaction with one another. When was the last time you and your spouse went on a date? When was the last time you had a private, sincere and open conversation with the one you love?

When I was a young mother with three small children to tend to all day, I happily welcomed the arrival of my husband from his work. I sometimes literally begged for his attention because at that stage of my marriage my whole life revolved around my children. Sometimes, after a long day at work, he was just too tired for me, and all he wanted to do was eat a hot meal, watch a little television and go to bed. This made me feel resentful and I acted out on my feelings, which is not a good thing for marriage.

A Great and Awesome Marriage

I don’t believe marriage to be that difficult when God is at the center of that marriage, and when we understand that as part of God’s family, we have a great purpose and message to show others, and through that example we become what it is God intends us to be. If we are married then our purpose is to be a considerate marriage partner, not to destroy what God has given us, or to destroy the person we married, but to “be respectful”, to “be loving”.

Below are some of the areas I think we can easily take for granted in marriage. If we put a little bit more effort into these areas of marriage, marriage would not be that difficult. As you know, the statistics say that at least half of all marriages are still together, so that tells you something. What is that half doing that we could learn from?

1. Spending Time Together
Couples who enjoy spending quality time with each other have a good marriage. Whether that time together is playing a sport, working on a hobby, traveling around the world, that quality time together is a must if you want to have a great and awesome marriage.

2. Same Beliefs
Couples absolutely need

What Is Important For Marriage?

Have you taken the time to be there for your spouse? Some of you reading this may be thinking, “He hasn’t taken the time to be a husband, why should I put in any special effort?” “She has rejected me for two weeks. I’m not going to do anything extra around the house for her.” But we do have to put in special effort if we truly want to be there for each other. Marriage is certainly not about keeping score. It is about giving of ourselves freely whenever we have the chance to do so.

The Unbelieving Spouse Who Wants A Divorce

If your spouse leaves the marriage it can be a devastating time. Sometimes they may want to get a divorce and bring papers for you to sign. But God says we are not to divorce an unbelieving spouse. In marriage, even if only one spouse is a believer, God says the marriage is sanctified and set apart for His purpose. According to the state you are divorced, but according to God you are still married.

If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. 1 Corinthians 7:12-14 NIV

God’s ideal is for couples to stay together and try and make the marriage work. The believing spouse should try and bring the wayward spouse to Jesus Christ. Since God does regard your marriage as sanctified by the presence of just one believing spouse, the believing spouse should do what they can to help the unbelieving spouse come into the light and accept Christ.

Trusting In God For Your Marriage

Who are you trusting in when things go wrong in your marriage? Are you trusting in self, or perhaps you go running to family and friends, explaining your side of the story? Some of us go running to therapists, counselors, divorce lawyers, and strangers on the street. But we seldom run to God.

Many of the people we go running to in times of marital troubles aren’t equipped in giving us proper advice and guidance. Most of them have had divorces themselves! How can someone fix our marital wounds when they can’t fix their own?

Listen and Encourage

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver. Heaviness in the heart of man maketh it stoop: but a good word maketh it glad. Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life. A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth: and a word spoken in due season, how good is it! Proverbs 25:11, 12: 25, 13:12, 15:23, King James Version

Something very exciting and wonderful happened to me last night and I felt like I was going to explode with happiness but there was nobody around that I could share it with so I lost some of the joy and excitement that I was feeling. It was like someone had taken a pin and pricked a balloon and some of the air went out of the balloon.

While it is important that we listen to people when they are hurting, I believe it is just as important, if not more important to listen to them when they are excited. If we stay on the mountain tops of happiness, excitement and joy, we will spend far less time down in the valleys of despair, hopelessness, depression and discouragement.

Don’t let anyone tell you that it is impossible to stay on the mountain tops because that is a lie straight from the pits of hell! Yes, we will have times of discouragement, loneliness and despair due to difficult circumstances, heartaches, criticism, ridicule, scorn and sarcasm. However if Jesus lives in our hearts, He will be faithful to once again refresh our hearts with His understanding, joy, unconditional love, happiness, mercy, grace and kindness. Indeed, Jesus is able to keep us on the mountain tops.

Two years ago, I received an email from a pastor who was very discouraged and hurting. He told me “I preach my heart out and nobody says “Amen,” smiles or laughs at the humorous points in my sermons.” He said that he had been the pastor at this church for five years and no one had ever invited him and his wife to dinner. The pastor told me “I love God and it is my desire to serve Him, but I am human and sometimes I get very discouraged. Would you please pray for me?” How my heart went out to Him!

Marriage: Change of Attitude = Change of Heart

How can we concentrate more on the blessings of our marriage? How can we discover the goodness in the person we married? By focusing on what brings contentment and happiness. For instance, just a simple switch in attitude can make a person have more compassion for the person they married. We have to stop believing in the lies we hear.

The world likes to feed gullible people things that aren’t true. Some people are susceptible to these untruths because they want to believe them. I wanted to believe them and I did believe them. We want answers to our marriage problems and we’ll practically listen to anyone who has something to say that we want to hear. Anything that will provide the validation we need for our own rotten actions. Over time, believing in the lies of the world builds an unhealthy attitude in us. I receive emails from women who actually believe that their husband committed adultery because of something they did or didn’t do. This is a lie generated from the world. It is incorrect.

Unhealthy attitudes keep us stuck and trapped in our sins. Our sins are whatever we live for and whatever is controlling us. Unhealthy attitudes steer us away from God’s love and into the follies and sinfulness of the world. But if we are following Jesus than we are truly free from the lies of the world. God’s children do not search for their answers from the world. That is what those who have no understanding do. They believe in the lies of the world and that is why they are often referred to as blind. Wisdom comes from God because God is wisdom.

Productive Communication in Marriage

In the past few months I have done some due diligent research into the troubles associated with marriage. Not to my amazement, I have discovered that in eight out of ten marital qualms, negative emotions, feelings and attitude, played a big role in the outcome of a couple’s marriage. Am I surprised? Not really.

I know somewhat about how emotions can wreck havoc in marriage because I have been there and done that already. The good news is that through proper self expression and healing, both husband and wife can learn to not allow their negative emotions to control the outcome of the marriage.

Exposing the Adultery Pandemic

What is a pandemic? According to Merriam Webster’s online dictionary, a pandemic is an “outbreak” occurring over a wide geographic area and affecting an exceptionally high proportion of the population. I would consider adultery to be of pandemic proportions considering the high rate of marital suffering, divorce, sickness and disease among a high proportion of the world. What do you think? Let’s take a closer look and examine this issue.

If you knew of a dangerous virus going around in the city where you lived that caused fever, chills, nausea, severe diarrhea, and vomiting, and death to those with a weak immune system, you would probably stay as far away from the city as possible? At the least, you would wear a hospital mask over your face to avoid the harmful germs, right?

Adultery is like a virus but much worse. It spreads from person to person like a virus and if a person is not spiritually well, it will entangle them within its insidious hold and cause much spiritual and mental anguish, not to mention, in many cases, physical illness, deterioration, and death.

As with any pandemic that we learn about we always go out of our way to avoid the offender, lest we too become sick. Viruses become a pandemic only because people do not take the needed precautions in the beginning of its destruction. Sometimes it is because of filthy conditions or lack of knowledge but once we figure out the cause we avoid it like the plague, no pun intended.

Do we avoid sex outside of marriage? Why not?

Male Body Image and Eating Disorders

When you think of an eating or image disorder, what springs to mind?

If we’re honest, often our knee-jerk characterization is female. A lot of us think disorders, such as anorexia or bulimia, are a “women’s issue.”

But what about the male gender?

“In the United States, 20 million women and 10 million men suffer from a clinically significant eating disorder at some time in their life, including anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, binge eating disorder, or an eating disorder not otherwise specified (EDNOS). For various reasons, many cases are likely not to be reported. In addition, many individuals struggle with body dissatisfaction and sub-clinical disordered eating attitudes and behaviors, and the best-known contributor to the development of anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa is body dissatisfaction.” www.nationaleatingdisorders.org

Unfortunately, both the male and female genders suffer from distorted and disordered image messages and practices. Perhaps, males don’t always possess the same behaviors as those of their female counterparts. Nevertheless, the obsession and self-destructive evidence is there. And, at some of its most extreme, it often manifests in the bodybuilding arena.

“…The onset of disease in males is typically triggered by a concern with bodybuilding and sport training…”