Addiction

Remind Me Not to Use Pot!

My sister is a pot user, so was my ex. Matter of fact they still are. I was fortunate or not fortunate… depending on how I want to look at it, of living with them both.

Examples of what is NOT happening.

My sister felt so good after awhile that she forgot everything she was supposed to remember. She finally had to get one of those things that record your voice and play it back to herself to remember. I wished as I lived with her that she could remember many things she forgot…like how to be human and how to care for her kids. But I guess the recorder didn’t have that much space on it.

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I Consumed 40 oz. of Liquor per Day, Was Lost and Undone

I was lost and undone until I met His Son, when he reached down His hand for me. I will be a Christian in Recovery for 19 years. I don’t tell you this to boast in any way, because I certainly didn’t accomplish this miracle, God did. I’d tired every thing anyone could do and I couldn’t stop drinking. I drank a 40 oz. bottle every day of my life just to survive.

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The Potter and the Clay

The sky was clear, such a beautiful day, a good day for a bike ride with Joshua. We will ride and be happy, we will ride and be happy, we will ride and be happy! I remember those days, how good I felt just to see the happy face of my boy. Those days I could find contentment in so many simple things of life. There is an emptiness somewhere. If I can’t fill the void with the joys of living, I once felt, I think I will die in my addiction. I struggle for the joy of living. The great simple joys of life have been torn from me by the thief of addiction. I will not ride and be happy; not for a long time.

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Peter and Pot

I began smoking pot eight years ago when I was fourteen years old. Prior to my smoking pot, I was considered a very bright and “gifted” child. Even in elementary school I was placed in advanced classes. I started to smoke pot for several reasons. Although my parents seemed to be very functional people, I found out my mother is schizophrenic. She had been diagnosed schizophrenic many years before I was even born, but she had been stable and very functional all my life, until this point. I also happened to be very involved in the heavy metal music of the day.

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The Judas Addiction

“…‘Judas, betrayest… with a kiss?’” Luke 22:48

Judas evokes betrayal. And, it wasn’t too long before I saw addiction itself within this Judas figure. Scripture tells us a great deal about the infamous man and his downfall. Who knows exactly what motivated him? Greed? Fear? Misguided intentions? Regardless of what it was, he seemed to be driven to follow this addictive mindset.

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I Realized I was No Longer in Control

My name is Michael, and I am an alcoholic. I have been sober for over 15 years now. I once said this: “Almost from day one I was scared and I have been scared ever since.” That is not true anymore. Yes, I do have fear, but I know, in Jesus name, where that fear comes from and how to handle it. Knowing this is a miracle. I once hid behind alcohol and other things in order to avoid the fear.

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Jesus Waited for Me Despite My Years of Drinking and Smoking

I was born in Africa to missionary parents who wanted and loved me. They raised me in the church to believe in God. When I was 4 years old, we came to America and lived in the Southwest where my father was a minister, my mother a school teacher. There was only one thing “dysfunctional” in my childhood — “Me”. School work was easy, making superficial friends was easy (we moved around a lot). I was however, overweight and extremely self-conscious about that. I felt like I never fit in –. I became a rebel and the class clown to get attention. We moved to Indiana when I was 16. It was at that time that I dedicated my life to Jesus Christ but then – life happened and in the course of “finding myself” I gradually strayed away.

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From Alcohol and Drugs to Jesus

At the age of 26 I became independent for the first time. That is when I started to abuse alcohol and drugs. Then in July my mother passed away. This was devastating for me and I was unable to cope with her death. I started go to the bars and hanging around with the wrong crowd. I did everything I could to make these people like me in order to try and fill the void that I was feeling. I even gave them money and so that they could use it to support there addiction while I was still supporting my own addiction. I let them use me so they would be my friends.

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Breaking Habits, Scary Secrets

Part 1 Breaking Habits | Part 2 Tapping into the Unknown | Part 3 Breaking Habits and Sin | Part 4 God’s Love | Part 5 Scary Secrets | Part 6 Are You Ready?

Scary Secrets are Hard to Give Up
There are some of us that are completely unaware of our inner craving. We try to hide and place a weak cover over the whole mess because it is to scary to make known to our self or to others. We have laps of memory, sometimes finding personal items in a different place to where we recall leaving them. This can be disturbing until they learn that the lapses are simply times when we try controlling behavior.

Sometimes people who e-mail me suddenly send an e-mail that seems out of character and might have poor spelling. When I send a copy of the e-mail back to the person they are often shocked as they have no recollection of ever writing it. This is part of our tendency to deny wrong doing.

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