Issues & Solution: Physical Abuse

Haunted (Eye Hath Not Seen)

The month of October, leading up to Halloween, has emphasis on ghosts and haunted houses. Indeed, the telling of ghost stories is common as we approach October 31st.I have a few of my own ghost stories, of sorts. They involve the mystery that is my family. I’ve shared much about my dad’s abusive nature; that is familiar to me. What, however, is NOT as familiar, is knowing about him.

Like many immigrant families, the past was not discussed. I know very little about the exact country my family came from. Likewise, I don’t know much about my dad, apart from his rages and his obsession with farm work. The unknown reality, therefore, has left me haunted, especially within the last few years. I now have the responsibility of clearing my childhood home, a house in which my dad, his siblings and parents all resided.

The house, itself, is one hundred years old, filled with decades of memorabilia. And, in organizing, clearing and cleaning the house, I have stumbled across some relics, like his Army dog tags, which create more questions- and yes, ghosts.

Pins and Needles: Chronic Abuse and Trauma

Our formative years present the potential for self-harm to thrive. Our early experiences, for better or worse, shape us. And sometimes, that shaping can take the form of addiction. Hypervigilance often results from certain incidents, in which trauma somehow established our need to self-medicate.

“… When a child grows up afraid or under constant or extreme stress, the immune system and body’s stress response systems may not develop normally. Later on, when the child or adult is exposed to even ordinary levels of stress, these systems may automatically respond as if the individual is under extreme stress… Adults with histories of trauma in childhood have been shown to have more chronic physical conditions and problems. They may engage in risky behaviors that compound these conditions (e.g., smoking, substance use, and diet and exercise habits that lead to obesity).” “Effects of Complex Trauma,” http://www.nctsn.org/trauma-types/complex-trauma/effects-of-complex-trauma

My first memory, a traumatic one at that, was when I was three years old; my parents decided to move the family’s sewing machine from one floor of our house to another. But they neglected to remove its drawers, filled with hundreds of needles and pins. Inevitably, I toddled downstairs, stepping on many of them.

God Chooses the Improbable

“You did not choose me, but I chose you…”John 15:16a

I know what you’re thinking: “God chooses others, but not me.”

You think it’s because of your secret, don’t you? The awful thing in your past — that abortion or that affair; your divorce; the rape; the sexual abuse; the shameful business failure; your drug usage; alcoholism; criminal past. etc. Like the clumsy, nearsighted child no one picks for playground sports, you want God’s favor, His grace, but it seems beyond your wildest dreams. It’s not.The poem “The Chosen Vessel” tells how God picks a vessel to use: “Take me,” cried the gold one. “I’m shiny and bright,”I’m of great value and I do things just right.” But God passes by the gold, silver, brass, crystal, and wooden urns, and chooses the vessel of clay. The poem explains why:

Then the Master looked down and saw a vessel of clay.
Empty and broken, it helplessly lay.

No hope had the vessel that the Master might choose,
to cleanse and make whole, to fill and to use.
“Ah! This is the vessel I’ve been hoping to find,
I will mend and use it and make it all mine.”

Workshop: Heart Hunger-Letting Jesus Satisfy Our Deepest Spiritual Needs

Download Worksheet for Session

hungryforjesus Abba Father
YOU are a Good Good Father
and You love us
with an everlasting Love
a love we cannot fully comprehend
but we can believe
and grow in
and learn from
Member #6 an d find healing and strength
new understandings
mercies new
every morning
grace sufficient
Thank You Holy God for this chance to meet with others
and to grow in YOU as we seek YOU
for who YOU are
in Your might y name
Name above ALL Names
we pray

hungryforjesus Hello from Ottawa, Canada the frozen north, eh

Spiritual, Emotional & Sexual Abuse Workshop Transcript #2 (of 4)

Transcript for Session #1

Obie Welcome everyone Session #2 of our workshop
Spiritual, Emotional & Sexual Abuse Workshop: Connecting the Dots of our Disconnected Lives
Finding Healing Through Cooperating with God
(Healing is not instantaneous, there are actions we need to take, attitudes we need to work on. God is our strength and He helps us, but His help requires OUR response)

Without further adieu, I hand the mic over to DvoraElisheva who is leading out workshop

DvoraElisheva Thanks Obie. Hi everyone. I’d like to ask Member #1 to open in prayer.

Phyical, Spiritual & Sexual Abuse Workshop Transcript #1 (of 4)

Transcript for Session #2

I would like to welcome everyone to the Spiritual, Emotional & Sexual Abuse Workshop. DvoraElisheva is our leader today. She is joining us from Israel.

Being raised in a Christian home did not protect Dvora Elisheva from physical, spiritual, or sexual abuse. As an adult, her memories were more like short video clips with significant parts of the plot missing. In 1982 she moved to Israel. She became friends with a Vietnamese-Chinese family that had found refuge in Israel during the Vietnam war. This led to her 20+ years of work amongst Chinese students, teaching English using the Bible as a textbook.

After having built up a successful life in Israeli hi-tech and within her spiritual community she met her husband over the Internet in 2006. They married in 2007 and she relocated to the US to be with him and a new ready-made family. In 2010 her husband died and in 2011 Dvora returned to Israel.

Well-acquainted with grief and loss, Dvora has been transplanted back and forth between America and Israel, is a Messianic Jew living in a land that views such faith as a betrayal, and plays an active role in a Chinese church in Israel.

Overcoming Self-loathing

I am astounded by the number of young people who approach me with such intense self-loathing. I frequently hear them say things like…

    “I hate myself; I’m so ugly, disgusting and stupid.”
    “I hate myself. There’s nothing good about me.”


When I ask them, however, why they feel that way, I usually get this response:

“I don’t know.”

For what I am doing, I do not understand…” Romans 7:15

Statistics show…

“One in every 200 girls between 13 and 19 years old, or one-half of one percent, cut themselves regularly.”

Men Abused by Women

Even though it is rarely discussed, men can be abused by women verbally, physically, psychologically and/or sexually. Here is extensive information to help you identify and deal with this situation.

What is abuse?
A pattern of controlling behavior
Abuse in intimate relationships is a pattern of behaviour where one partner dominates, belittles or humiliates the other over months and years. Abuse of men by their partners happens when the partner uses emotional, physical, sexual or intimidation tactics. She does it to control the man, get her own way and prevent him from leaving the relationship. The abused man is always adapting his behaviour to do what his partner wants, in the hopes of preventing further abuse.

The primary motive for abuse is to