note: Members can discuss this workshop in the Message Boards HERE
Obie-host> Our guest speaker tonight is Shelley Lubbin. She will share
with us Super Strategies that God taught her to overcome sex addiction
Please extend a warm welcome to Shelley!Shelley you
now have the floor to speak.
Shelley-Speaker Hi everyone! It’s so great to be here with all of you!
God has some awesome things planned for tonight. First, I want to give
you a little background on me. Some of you might of already visited my
web site at http://ShelleyLubben.com and read my testimony. But just in case
I’ll recap a little.
I am a former porn actress and prostitute who has
been totally transformed and rehabilitated by the power of God through
Jesus Christ. It took eight hard years to recover from the trauma of my
past which included several addictions, sexual, alcohol, bisexuality.
I tried several 12 step programs, a military rehabilitation substance
abuse program, different types of therapy and counseling with
psychiatrists and drug therapy, including anti-depressants, sleep aids
and lithium for bi-polar disorder.Other disorders I had were Impulse
Control Disorder, Alcohol Dependence, Depressive Disorder and Post
Traumatic Stress Disorder. These disorders are a result of my
involvement in prostitution and the porn industry.I was involved in
prostitution 7 years, exotic dancing 6 years and about a year and a
half as a porn actress .I didn’t know how shattered or how bad my
disorders were until after I left the sex industry.
Although some of
the therapies offered temporary relief, nothing was able to help me
recover from my past.In the recovery programs I tried there was a
large focus on negativity and the problem rather than on a positive
environment offering real solutions. Most of the programs made me feel
more depressed and there was a cloud of gloom surrounding meetings as
we discussed our “trauma” over and over. I attempted group therapy and
a women’s abuse groups but there was still no power to help me change
my life. Information and understanding were given to me, but not power
to heal and to transform my life. Each time I began the recovery
programs, I felt frustrated and turned back to substance abuse and
became more hopeless. I was utterly hopeless and wanted to give up.
But God SHOWED UP! He heard my
prayers and. God led my husband and I to attend an awesome church
called Champion Centre in Tacoma, Washington where we were taught how
to live a champion life.The church is known for building Champions for
life through the wisdom of God’s Word. The pastor, Kevin Gerald,
became a father to me through his powerful teachings and I discovered
there was actually a champion inside of me the whole time.He taught me
how to live a Champion life where I could overcome ANYTHING because
with God ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.
He showed me God was my true Father
and loved me no matter what I did in the past and that He had a plan
and purpose for my life. God had a purpose for my life? It was like
someone turned the light on for me. I was totally recovered and
transformed into a healthy mentally and emotionally strong individual
through His teachings and an intimate relationship with God. Not only
was I healed and transformed, I was taught to go beyond mediocrity and
pursue a life of excellence.It took hard eight years and lots of hard
work on my part but God met me every step of the way,and today I’m a
CHAMPION!!! woo hoo!
Tonight I want to talk about some of the super
strategies that brought me permanent transformation and recovery. The
strategies I will be discussing are actually powerful Biblical
principles found in God’s Word, the Bible.There are MANY different
principles I learned but I picked four of my favorite to share with
you. These principles helped me overcome mental illness AND addictions
and today I am totally free from all addictions. It’s been 11 years
since I left the industry, 11 years free from drug addiction and 6
years free from alcohol and now I am almost done with my bachelors in
Okay, here goes the first
#1 STOP trying to break old habits, instead make NEW Habits James
1:25 in the Bible (Phi) “But the man who looks into the perfect law,
the law of liberty, and makes a habit of so doing, is not the man who
hears and forgets. He puts that law into practice and he wins true
happiness.” When going through addictions it seems we all try to “stop”
on our own and we strive and strive and try and try and it doesn’t
work very well that way, at least it did not for me. But I was a hard
case and very ill, but I learned that instead of wasting energy and
effort on breaking for example the habit of alcoholism, I made a new
habit instead… and stuck with it.
IT takes 21 days to make a new habit
so it takes consistency everyday to practice the new habit. Make a new
habit of keeping a Bible open with verses such as Philippians 4:13
that says “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.”
Highlight that verse. In fact, have several Bibles open with
highlighted scriptures. Next time you are tempted to fall into your
addiction, you say that verse at the same time before, during and
after you fall. Practice over and over and over this new habit. Ask God
to forgive you when you fall and He will. Make every effort to turn
away from your addiction by turning toward God and practicing His ways
Have a cd in your cd drive that you can pop in when you get tempted.
The trick is to fill yourself up with so much truth that the addiction
gets pushed out. Don’t pull the addiction out, push it out with the
truth of God’s Word. Hebrews 4:12 states: “For the word of God is living
and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to
dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts
and attitudes of the heart.”
The Bible is LIVING and IT CAN KILL THE
ADDICTION and at the same time give you great character. Do you
understand what I am saying then? Don’t fight the alcohol, don’t fight
the porn, don’t fight the fetish, instead INHALE the word. SHOVEL the
Word of God into your heart by listening and reading. Go nuts and buy a
bunch of the Champion teachings I have on my resources page or other
powerful teachings you come across. It’s worth it to spend the money.
YOUR LIFE IS WORTH IT. Listen to those CD?s a few hours a day. I mean
it. All through the day. Have one in your car, one by your computer
and wherever you have a CD player.
I use to pin up Scriptures ALL OVER
MY HOUSE so wherever I walked BAM, a Scripture was right in my face.
The truth of God’s Word became MY TRUTH and every last lie got
pushed out until no lies were left. For those whose addiction is porn,
place Scriptures all around your computer. I promise you if you do this
, if you FILL UP on God’s Word and make this your new habit, the
addictions will fall off. Joshua 1:8-9 says: “Do not let this
Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night,
so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you
will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you?
Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged,
for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” WOW what a
promise and you know what, He kept His promise to me and sure enough I
am successful and prosperous in all I do now!!!
Thinking Good Thoughts is vital to renewing your mind. Proverbs 23:7 “As
a man thinks so is he.” Wow, think about THAT. I use to think negative
ALL THE TIME.I use to say “I am mentally ill, I have bipolar, I have
herpes, I am an alcoholic.” I was always thinking the worst and
therefore I was as I thought I was. God’s Word doesn’t lie.Then I was
taught that the way I think will determine who I am. wow! I had spent
years thinking negative thoughts about myself. I was a victim,
sexually abused, nobody loves me, men only want one thing from me,
I’m only good for one thing, I’m an alcoholic and I?m an addict, poor
pathetic me…and so on. But then I learned to think good thoughts
about myself. Since the Bible is filled with promises of love,
forgiveness and care for me, then those promises became my new
thoughts and I rejected anything negative. Soon I became exactly what
I thought, a loved and cared for person. And sure enough, God’s
principle resulted in exactly the way it said it would.
I now walk in
great freedom and confidence because I HAVE TRAINED myself to think
thoughts of excellence about myself. I learned to renew my mind like it
says in Romans 12:2 “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this
world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will
be able to test and approve what God’s will is, his good, pleasing and
perfect will.” I mean I LITERALLY lived this Scripture and it LITERALLY
was fulfilled. I now live the good pleasing perfect will of God for my
life.God’s Word works EVERY TIME!
Learn to Develop a Positive Vision for your life. Proverbs 29:18 “Where
there is no vision, the people perish.” Let me define vision for you.
Vision is a mental picture of the way things could or should be in the
future. Because of the trauma of my past as a prostitute and porn
actress, I had developed a negative picture in my mind, a mental image
of myself as a filthy, damaged, sexually abused alcoholic who was
mentally ill. We all have a mental image of how we feel we look to
others. That’s how I felt I looked. I had nothing to look forward
because I had no VISION.I simply saw myself as a loser and accepted
this as my life’s plight. But then I learned to develop a positive
vision for my life. Instead of continuing to “see” myself as a loser
in life, I adjusted the mental picture in my head and began to “see”
myself as a woman in the future who was a sober cleaned up intelligent
person, loving mother and healthy stable woman.I saw myself as someone
who was calm, stable and confident. I no longer saw myself as a
survivor, but instead as a Champion. I began to take steps to work
toward the vision until I achieved it.
Once I developed a positive
vision for my life, I never looked back! Praise God!!! So now we’re
making new habits to read the Word and get the truth in, we’re
thinking good thoughts about ourselves and rejecting anything contrary
to what God says about us and we’re developing a positive vision for
ourselves.Great, let’s move on to #4.
Passing Tests to Prove Personal Potential. In the world of business,
science, art and retail there is a place for a product or a theory or
a talent to be tested before it is deemed authentic and user friendly.
When a product fails the test it goes back to the level it was at and
does not advance. On the other hand when a product passes the test, it
is promoted. The microwave you use everyday, okay hopefully only some
of you use it everyday, well it gets tested over and over and over
again until it is deemed SAFE to use. It has to pass tests before it
can be promoted to the level of being sold and purchased. It’s the
same way with God.
James 1:2-4 “Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when
tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under
pressure, your life is forced into the open and shows its true colors.
So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely.” Let it, meaning the
TEST, do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not
deficient in any way. The test is an OPPORTUNITY for you to prove your
potential by passing it instead of “blowing up” I began trying to pass
tests knowing God would promote me in life. I began to make a mental
note not to “blow up” at every little thing my husband said to me. Or I
practiced not freaking out if something went wrong in the house. Soon I
began to pass these tests and God began promoting me! I started having
a sense of accomplishment and was so proud of myself for working with
God and passing those baby tests!! and I started to feel happy like it
says in James 1:12. It goes on to say in Verse 12: “The man who does not
give up when tests come is happy.” I was taught to recognize times of
pressure or testing and that I could “use” them as a way to prove my
potential. I was motivated by the promise that I could be promoted to
a higher level of success in life if I passed these tests.
staying calm during times I would of nnormally “blown up.” Though I
would fail, I would realize it’s only a test and that I would have
other chances to be tested again. After practicing consistently to not
“blow up” I learned to pass the tests which gave me a sense of
accomplishment and then I received the reward which was: promotion to
a new level in life, one with more opportunities and more To this day,
I am still passing tests and proving my potential….AND God is still
promoting me and WOW is He promoting me!! Practice passing those tests!
okay last principle for tonight.
Building a New Premise If the basic premise or belief is inaccurate
then every subsequent conclusion, everything that flows out of that
belief will be inaccurate. What you believe WILL affect everything you
do. For example, I use to believe that all men were selfish, abusive,
and only interested in using me for sex. I lived life out of that
belief. The result was that I was incapable of having normal healthy
relationships with men. The basic premisesor beliefs in my life were
affecting every area of my life. Matthew 9:29 Jesus addresses some
blind men who wanted to receive their sight and he says to them, “according
to your faith will it be done to you.” So I realized that
according to my faith, it will be done to me. According to my beliefs,
will I shape and create my tomorrows. I recognized that my beliefs were
impacting my future. If some of you believe you just can’ t make it
then you probably won’t. I couldn’t live with that conclusion. So I
began to build new healthy premises to replace the old premises. I
addressed the lies of my life with the truth. Instead of believing all
men are selfish, I learned to look for the best in others and not jump
to conclusions right away. I created a new premise that some men are
very wonderful and even those who were selfish, still had good
qualities and it was those qualities I should look for.
some good in them. Learning to build new beliefs to replace the old
beliefs was crucial to my healing because now flowing out of my life
is a healthy and “normal” belief system. There are no more extremes,
but instead a balanced healthy life. Our aim should be balance so we
can indeed know the perfect will of God for our lives. It is CRUCIAL
and I repeat CRUCIAL to renew our minds. All of this takes effort and
work but then again so does feeling guilty and living a lie so might
as well choose GOD’S way and get the reward for a happy and new life
prospering in Him! I now live an excellent life, have an awesome
marriage which is a real miracle because I HATED being married to my
husband for 7 years. I also had a daughter from a prostitution act and
God has also restored our relationship which is ALSO a big miracle
because she saw her mother with lots of men and women.
I also am
TOTALLY healed from Herpes, a non-curable disease. Yes GOD HEALS.AND…
I am free from every last ugly addiction which would include sex
addiction and all that goes with it, alcohol addiction, food addiction, drug addiction,
emotion addiction, you name it, I had it, and now it’s gone by the power of God!!!
I want to open up the floor now for
any of you who may have questions. I want to help you in your journey
of heading towards the GOOD LIFE God has planned for you!
Obie-host> Thank you so much Shelley !!!
That was awesome and I know many here have questions for you. We will
now open up the floor to questions for Shelley..
Shelley-Speaker You’re welcome!! I give God all the glory!
Shelley-Speaker If you want more inspiration, go to my web site at
www.shelleylubben.com/audio.html and you can HEAR my testimony
Marine> the process of change from ole beliefs to new God grace beliefs about self and
others would take how much time for you to be able to find a balance
to work on other areas..DONE
Shelley-Speaker It took me 5 years about.and then another 3 to really
get them down where I am trained like a robot,and now I continue to
grow and improve myself.Keep in mind, I was very ill.done
Obie-host> Who else has a question for Shelley?
AngelWithNewWings> You said to quote the scripture during the fall of
You are the Lord that strengthens me.. i break down during a fall and
tend to start hiding from God. it would be so difficult to say that
during a fall..maybe I’m just wierd
Shelley-Speaker no!are you done or stil asking a question?
AngelWithNewWings> maybe i want to know how to overcome that mindset
Shelley-Speaker Satan’s BIGGEST strategy is to keep you away from God.
He would tell me every Sunday, don’t go to church you’re gross, you
just sinned, you are drinking.but my Pastor said Church is WHERE you
want to BE if you are struggling!Also.Ro 8:1 Therefore, there is now
no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, Ro 8:2 because
through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from
the law of sin and death.You are FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE in Jesus
Christ to grow.What if I had stayed away from God every time I fell?I
certainly would not be the Champion I am today.done
AngelWithNewWings> Thanks Shelley
bebe> yes, just a comment for angel with new wings.i don’t remember if
it is in corinthians or not.but i memorized and always use.”God is
faithful , He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.but
when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so you can stand
Karyn> I have always been so confused about what kind of promotion or
what blessings I can expect from God if I obey and overcome.I have
usually always been taught we are to just suffer persecution for
christ and have longsuffering and expect to just die, die, die to self
Karyn> I guess my husband and others where we went to church have just
been so legalistic and negative.Done
Shelley-Speaker Unfortunately many of us have suffered at the hand of
religion. My mother preached my ears off for so long I TOTALLY
rebelled. I had to RELEARN and really give God a chance to show me who
He was, not who everybody said He was. This is who God is: Jer 29:11 “For
I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper
you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
began to go through the whole bible and highlight all the priniciples
along with the promises attached to them. For example: Jos 1:8 “Do not
let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day
and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it.
Then you will be prosperous and successful.” So I studied the Word day
and night and sure enough I am now prosperous and successful in all I
do. There are hundreds of promises for God’s people. Satan uses
religion to keep us from God’s best but it’s a lie. I live in awesome
prosperity and success and you know what I use it ALL for God!done
speedy> my question is this…..since i have stopped doing the things i
shouldnt be doing….i am finding out that the Lord is taking me
through a deep valley? Why?
Shelley-Speaker TO strip you of all the old ways. God took EVERYTIHNG
away in order to give me ALL NEW THINGS. Jesus said I make all things
new. SO God is removing things to make all things new for you. Also it
say “Yea though I WALK THROUGH the Valley, I will fear no evil for thou
art with me.” Notice the WALKING THROUGH part.You don’t stay in the
Valley, you walk through.
Marine> what are youir thoughts on those of us who need medications for
menatl illness etc..done
Shelley-Speaker ah, hard question. I can only speak out of my
experience and what pastors teach. For me, I dumped the zoloft. I got
so sick of the zoloft, the antabuse, and the sleeping pills. I could
NOT function and I said forget it. If God can’t heal me, I’ll die
instead. But I was SICK and TIRED of being SICK AND TIRED.
I don’t know
what you meds are but I do know God is faithful.If you feel led to
quit your meds, see your doctor and tell him, he may prescribe you
something less. My pastor always says to go to your doctor and let him
know you want to stop meds. I did that and told him God would heal me
instead. He said okay and at least I told him and off I went trusting
Marine> quite surpriseing
Shelley-Speaker what part surprises you?
Marine> getting off meds.my belief is more on the meds. are needed and that God works also thru docs,
researchers to help the fallen bodies we live in
Shelley-Speaker Well, please ALWAYS go to your doctor first and
discuss it. Yes that is true but the meds were not helping me so I
didnt feel it was God. done.God has used a doctor to cure me of
cervical cancer so there’s a good example of that.
Obie-host> A note of caution here….
we suggest you follow the instructions of your health care
provider.Many people can go off medication.many can not.
God has provided us with wise health care professionals as
well as medications.
Shelley-Speaker Angel, do you have a question>
AngelWithNewWings> Just one more quick question, I’m not trying to hog
the floor, really. Meds for impulse control, do they really HELP or is
this just another addiction to fight with later?
Shelley-Speaker I am not a doctor so
can’t really diagnose that for ya. I just know once you pour the Word
in, the disorders begin to disappear and your doctor will notice this
and probably lessen your dosage as time goes on. THE WORD WORKS! POUR
IT IN! IT is medicine for you soul.I am not on any had considered it
but its probably easier just to reach out to God.
Karyn> Took a minute for what you said earlier to sink in.. so myhaving
and pursuing good goals and desires and wanting God’s blessings isn’t
some selfish sin?……
Shelley-Speaker NO! God’s Word promises you many blessings so are HIs
promises selfish sins?
Karyn> I know it’s a weird question, but You have to understande how
legalistic my surroundings and at home is.I have been taught to not
expect much til heaven.
Shelley-Speaker I keep seeing the word legalistic. Jesus dealt with
the pharisees and saducees with sternness, he couldn’t stand their
legalistic views.God is a lover. God is love. God wants to bless you
and Jesus said Himself, I came to give LIFE and give it more
dcir> Hi Shelley…I am sorry I missed your introductory testimony.but
I have read some of it on the web.and I was wondering…how much Self
esteem (or lack thereof) played a role…of self destructing behavior
and how you came out of that?
Shelley-Speaker It played a major role. I had a father who was a
workaholic, nice man, but never spent time with me and my mother was a
religious woman always telling me I was going to go to hell if I
sinned so I had extremely low self esteem so what I did was PUFF
myself up and try to get attention from every boy I could find to make
me feel valuable. I came out of it by realizing what GOD thinks about
me. I call Him my Daddy because I realize now that He is crazy about
me and adores me. I spent time with Him, following His principles, and
He kept blessing me and affirming that I was on the right path. I
learned to hear HIs voice pretty clearly and I even became certified
in teaching others to hear HIs voice. I absolutely LOVE His voice and
I spend most of my day listening and talking with Him so what I have
is.a real LOVE relationsihp with Father God and that is why I have
great self esteem and also am highly valued as a person.
connie> Shelley, i was just wondering how your relationship is with
your parents, and how did you get to this place?
Shelley-Speaker Actually we all became relatively close due to much
forgiveness on all our parts and we have had some awesome family
memories, even with my siblings, but since I came out with my
testimony, they feel they aren’t able to support me anymore. They are
good people but still caught up in religion and what people think
about them. God gave me a choice. I can follow Him and serve Him with
my whole heart or miss out on that and try to be “good” for my parents.
I chose Him and I lean on.the promise that if I obey Him, He will
work all things together for good!!!done
Karyn> I struggle with knowing false guilt from real guilt when I fall.
.. I feel like God is so disappointed with me…how did you overcome
the guilt trap in the beginning?
Shelley-Speaker What I did was make a DECISION to not live by
“feelings” anymore. I didn’t “feel” forgiven but God says in His Word
I am forgiven. Jesus told His own disciples to forgive 490 times a day
so I am pretty sure if He makes His disciples do it, then the Lord
Himself does it!.God’s Word settles it for me every time. I do NOT
live by my feelings whatsoever. I have trained myself over and over to
accept God’s Word as truth, not my carnal feelings that could totally
lead me down a crazy path.
Obie-host> In your testimony you mention that you were active in
homosexuality..ys “we are born that way… that is how God made us.”
What is your response to that?
Shelley-Speaker How funny, I was just talking with a transgender
person today explaining this very thing. I do NOT believe people are
born this way due to genetics.I work in the prisons with homosexuals
all the time and I see God deliver them right on the spot. I have
learned that often what happens is a demonic force is passed down from
the mother so thus many people “feel” different. Also, there are other
factors such as molestation and neglect from parents.
But I know God
does not create homosexuals. His Word says if parents DILIGENTLY train
their children in the way they should go, that’s the way they will go.
Each person’s case is different but I remember one time a heroin
addict, a homosexual was in my class and hated the very sight of me.
I showed her love for two months while she mocked meand then finally
she told me she was homosexual and born that way and I asked her if
her mother had dabbled in the occult and she said, “yes, how did you
know?” I said God told me and I asked her if she’d like to be free and
she said yes and I prayed over her and God led her through deliverance
and to this day she is straight.now again every case is different but
what I am seeing is more of a spiritual bondage or a traumatic
encounter as a child. I am not a doctor but I have yet to see a case
where it is genetic…
vijay> sorry i disaree
Shelley-Speaker I have hundreds of gay women coming to me in the
prison and God is seting them free. That’s all i know. ALL I know is
God is setting them free because His Word says He came to set the
captives free. doneSorry you disagree. I am not a licensed counselor
just speasking out of personal experience.Just this is from my personal
experience only and God’s Word. Tough subject to discuss but I lean on
God to lead us all into truth!. done
Obie-host> Shelley we thank you for taking the time to speak to us.You
have been very informative,and your enthusiasm has seeped over to all
of us here tonight You are free to stay and chat informally as long as you like
Shelley-Speaker I wanted to add that I am writing a book XXXTreme
Makeover and for everyone to please pray God would use the book to
really touch the world and save many lost!
dcir> do you have a website?