We can restore marriage when we come to realize that marriage must be based upon the design of who created it. What one creates, one also controls. It has always been that way. This means couples need to stop trying to control each other and give “it” to God. Stop fighting and learn to love. Controlling each other is improper behavior, but working with each other as a team is appropriate. First, before marriage can be restored, inner healing must take place.
Heal yourself! Are you spiritually stunted because of something controlling the person inside of you? Maybe you are addicted to drugs or alcohol, sex, food, negative feelings, emotions, or maybe you are too proud to see God. These things literally stunt us emotionally and spiritually. Only when we let the hurt stop controlling our thoughts and actions, can we finally let it go and give it to God. so then, it is God who actually heals us, we just allow it to finally happen.
God will actually take away our suffering if
we ask Him to. All we have to do is believe in what He says is true. So what’s so hard about that? Nothing really, except we are so used to doing things OUR way, and the exact way WE want. Many of us have no patience whatsoever, and we want to feel better now, not when God decides to make us feel better. But that’s just it. We are in the situation we are in for a purpose. God has His reasons for when and how He takes away our suffering. It is all up to Him and His will for us.
In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:6 NIV
We absolutely need to have faith enough to stop relying on our own understanding of what we think is good and right for us. Marriage cannot and will not be restored fully until we heal our inner demons from thyself.
So how will you know if you are basing your marriage upon God’s direction or your own? Well, lets do a little experiment. Get a piece of paper and draw a line right through the middle of the paper. On the right side up at the top, write: My Understanding. On the left side write: God Inspired Wisdom.
Each time you direct your marriage issues under your negative thoughts and selfish views you are applying your feelings to circumstances. You will know because it will probably somehow hurt your spouse and make you feel better. But when you base marital issues upon what’s right, your spouse remains happy, and you, in the long run, won’t feel so bad yourself. When we do what’s appropriate we really will feel better about ourselves. This is what God wants us to do.
You can keep this simple exercise in a private journal if you want, but keep your journal with you wherever you go, so you can write in it when you need to. You will be surprised at how many times you will purposely seek out God’s spiritual filled wisdom over your own understanding. And the reason is you are now more aware of your spirituality and are focusing more on what is the right thing to do rather than what only FEELS good.