And the LORD God said, It’s not good that man should be alone,
I will make him an helpmeet. Genisis 2:18
I want to add just a quick note of encouragement to those women whose husbands are having an affair and want to know what to do now. Ignore it by detaching from it. Many of you may be astonished to hear me say such a thing but the truth is you can’t do anything about someone else’s immoral character and beliefs. You need to be the example to your husband by showing him your walk in the Lord. Fussing and fighting with the adulterer is not going to get him to stop. WORK ON YOUR OWN HEALING!
This brings me to roles in marriage because quite frankly when we do not partake in our God-given roles it will cause emotional separateness and lack of intimacy between husband and wife, which paired with weak faith will cause infidelities. The big picture then is to give our marriage over to God and walk in His truths and wisdom for our marriage. You’ve got to have a firm and Godly foundation to rest your marriage on before you can even begin to think that infidelities and other marriage issues are just going to go away on their own. John the Baptist tells us to simply, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand”! Matthew 3:2
A Christian woman’s role in marriage is going to be considerably different than that of an unbelieving woman’s role in marriage. God is the Master Designer of marriage and He created and established husbands and wives roles from the beginning, which means when an unbelieving woman does her own thing in the marriage it will cause numerous problems within the framework of the marriage, namely emotional separateness from her husband, which then causes numerous other PROBLEMS. The same applies for when the husband disregards his role and does his own thing.
Christians need to realize where they may be in error and fix it, if they want to see Godly blessings in their marriage. Christ’s people are in error when they follow Christian culture. Culture of society is growing further and further away from God’s wisdom and truth and it has nothing to do with Godly roles in marriage. Christian culture is not a wise example to be following. We need to know how we are walking in error now and then change that about ourselves so we can be the wife or husband that God calls for us to be.
When we talk about what a Christian wife’s role is in marriage it usually guides women towards the submissive role and ends right there with her defiance. But there is more to marriage than just submitting to our husbands. I think that women focus too much on only that and than start forging an attitude of never wanting to submit because they don’t want to end up feeling like a doormat.
God gave women a very important role in marriage, which involves active service to their husbands and families—this role is a woman’s purpose for life. This is what marriage is, active service. Marriage is not the fairytale’s you see on television or what you have read in books. Marriage takes a giving of ourselves (service) to our spouses, for better and for worse.
Almost all unhealthy marriages can be restored to God when couples stop focusing so much on each others responsibilities and duties and they start focusing on their own responsibilities and duties in the marriage. Your responsibilities and duties make up your role and position. So, to help a woman define her role she needs to understand what her husband’s role is.
A husband should not necessarily have to “manage” his wife’s responsibilities and duties, and a wife should not be managing a husband’s duties either. In a marriage based on Godly roles both husband and wife help each other to carry out their own responsibilities in the marriage. They encourage and build up each other by focusing on their part or role, not on the others part or role. If a wife is telling her husband how to carry out his headship then who is really leading?
Part of a husband’s role is to be the provider of the family, which also means he is either busy working at home or working outside the home forging a livelihood for his family. A wife’s role is to take what her husband gives her through his work and use it wisely for the family, in whatever ways that might entail; each family is different and with different circumstances. She might go bargain shopping for clothes, food, household amenities and other things the family needs to live on.
She may home school her children, which is preferable in Christian homes. She may organize, clean and decorate her home with things she makes with her hands or buys at thrift stores, or on sale. She keeps her home tidy and comfortable, but modest. After all, Christians are to store up their treasures in heaven. She may have a garden where she grows organic produce and beautiful flowers. She stays busy doing things that build up, encourages, educates and keeps her family healthy, while her husband is outside the home working, or now-a-days more and more husbands are working from home…this is a blessing.
A helpmeet is the center of all the activity of the home. She’s a chef, she’s a teacher, she’s an encourager, she’s a decorator, she’s a tidier and organizer, she’s an accountant, she’s a nurturer, she’s a gardener, she’s thrifty steward for her family! She’s helping her husband in every thing. She’s helping her children be all they can be in the Lord! She’s helping herself so she won’t have to “go to work” for someone else!! This is a Christian wife’s role, generally speaking. The point is, she is happily mindful of the things of home and family. “…Keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. Titus 2:5
By doing her part and helping in this way she is submitting her life to her husband in the marriage. If a wife “meets” with her husband as his helpmeet then where is the problem? Where is the fear in submitting? There is none! This is a husband and wife working together as a team effort for the benefit of everyone in the family. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. Proverbs 31:11
The Problem: If a husband will not work to provide then how can the wife be a helpmeet to her husband? What if he is an alcoholic and keeps losing his jobs? She will be made to leave her home and go into the world and work for others. Or, if the husband expects his wife to work, she will have to leave being industrious for her home and family and “go to work” for someone else, which turns her role upside down and causes numerous other negative issues within the life of this married couple. Reality shows that this marriage will have difficulty. This is the “for worse part” in the marriage vows. (We have many resources at Heaven Ministries that shows wives how they can detach and still be godly wives for their husbands in the home.)
But if the wife has to work, now she is pressured. Now she feels resentment. Or, now she feels like the boss over her husband. How can she truly be her husband’s helpmeet if she can’t be home to meet him in his role? Now we have an emotional separateness problem, which is going on in about 85% of Christian homes today. I think I read the other day that 75% of married couples have had affairs, this happens because of emotional separateness and no intimacy in the marriage, paired with weak values and faith.
The point is, husband and wife need to understand a Christians wife’s role and work together toward procuring that role so the wife can be home, especially if there are children in the home. Christian husbands should not be home cleaning the house, cooking the meals, and taking care of the baby, while the wife is off working to provide for the family. Now do not misunderstand, it is not that a husband cannot change the baby’s diaper, or cook or clean, it is commended when a man helps his wife willingly and without having to be nagged at, but this is not his job!
It works the same way with the wife, if she wants to fix that backed up plumbing problem or fix the roof then what is to stop her from doing these things if she is willing and her husband is not making her do it? But now on another note, a wife should not expect her husband to come home after working all day and help her clean the house, take care of the children, and care for her every whim either.
God specifically created them male and female for the reason of collaboration, integration and compatibility, but the wife is the weaker partner, which does not mean inferior or of lesser value to God!! Likewise, ye husbands dwell with them according to the knowledge, giving honour unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. 1 Peter 3:7 “In this instance, weaker vessel mans weaker body”. God made man stronger and more powerful; therefore the husband is to be his wife’s protector. Don’t have your wife be put in situations where she cannot defend herself. Protect her so she won’t have to defend herself against something or someone stronger than her.
Some women have a difficult time with household chores and that is because they believe it to be mundane, boring, and not very important. But the truth is, having a nice clean home makes everyone in the home happier and content and so it is very important. No one wants to smell last nights’ dinner on dirty dishes piling up in the sink. No one wants to look at dirty laundry sprawled all over the furniture, or the floors not swept, vacuumed and mopped.
Why is house cleaning a wife’s responsibility? It may seem stereotypical but the fact of the matter is, God designed the husband to labor with his mind or with his body to provide for his family. Do you truly think God expects the man who has labored all day with his mind or with his body to then come home and clean the house, while his wife sits on the couch telling him how to do it? It is the wife’s responsibility because it is what makes sense!! Now this does not mean that if the husband feels like helping his wife, or if the wife is sick in bed, or if the wife also is working outside the home that he cannot help keep the house in order, but a wife who truly wants to be the helpmeet that God designed her to be will not pressure her husband to help her in the household tasks and duties.
When a wife makes sure her home is in order by keeping it tidy and inviting she is submitting to her husbands headship role by meeting with him on the household management. When she disregards the environment of the home she is really saying she doesn’t care how her husband feels about living in an untidy, dirty home, and seriously this is not very encouraging. A man wants to come home to a tidy home, a smiling wife, and a good meal. And ladies, I don’t think that is too much to ask for, do you?
These things may seem not that important, but they truly, truly are. It is a big part of the balance, peace, and comfort of the whole family, including your own. And remember wives, “The only way a man can be an effective husband is when his wife lets him.”
>BE ye therefore followers of God, as dear children; and walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour.