I searched hurriedly to find just the right hiding place. Breathless I hid silently behind the shower curtain in my parents shower. A giggle slipped from my mouth and I quickly cupped my hand to keep it quiet. I could barely hear my friend counting… 6… 7…8 …9… 10! Ready or not, here I come! My heart raced for fear I would be found.
I’m sure you remember the exhilaration and suspense of playing hide and seek with your friends. Now that I am older, I no longer play this childhood game with my friends or anyone else—or do I?
There are things in my past and, if truth be told, in my present that I guard from some people. I hide them away in hopes I will not be found out. My inner most thoughts, suppressed feelings, painful memories, and things I have done that I am not proud of. We all have them, right?
I may be able to hide those things from others, but am I able to hide them from God? The answer is simple, absolutely not. God is omniscient (Psalm 33:13-15). He sees not only our physical but also the mental and he sees our heart. He knows our innermost thoughts, suppressed feelings, painful memories, and things we have done that we are not proud of. I decided after realizing this, there is no point in trying to hide from God.
That is exactly what the fourth step of recovery is about. C says, I made a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself. This is the most difficult of all of the steps for some, including me. I didn’t necessarily want to search my soul and heart to see what I had hidden away for so many years. It certainly wasn’t done fearlessly, at least not in the beginning. Basically I needed to fess up to God the mess I had made of my life as a result of my need to be in control. I was not good at being God. He already knew that much, but it was up to me to do the seeking of what I had hidden.
Isn’t that what Jeremiah meant in the book of Lamentations? Although the book doesn’t specifically name Jeremiah as the author, scholars believe he wrote the text to the survivors of Judah after the fall of Jerusalem. In his third lament, Jeremiah is expressing extreme grief over the fall of Jerusalem, but also confidence in God. The people of Jerusalem had been disobedient to God and had been warned of the consequences, but chose to ignore them. Now he pleads to the people to search their hearts and recognize their sins.
Let us examine and probe our ways,
And let us return to the Lord. Lamentations 3:40
So as we embark upon the next leg of our journey, let’s prepare ourselves to allow God in to search our hearts. This may be difficult in the beginning, but we are in this together. I have my arms around you and we are going to travel this hard road as a team. You and me. You are not alone. We are in this together. More importantly, God is with us. He is waiting with His arms wide open to receive us.
Think About It:
- What is your most fond memory of your childhood?
- What do you think you are attempting to hide from God?
- Do you feel prepared to fully step into God’s grace?
Read Lamentations 3, and Psalm 33:13-15.
Journal About it:
Write about how the questions and scriptures today resonated with you. As you write, thank Him for showing you the way in your journey.
Pray About it:
As you think and write, say this prayer with me.
Father God,
Thank you for knowing all things about me and loving me the way you do. I ask for your gentle hand upon me as I embark upon my journey of searching my heart. I invite you into this important step to walk with me and guide my way.
In Jesus’ Precious Name,
Amen
Next week we will really dig into Step Four. It is vitally important for you to seek a trusted mentor, friend, or pastor to help guide you through this step. It would be even better if you could find a recovery group near you to begin your journey. If you are not a part of a recovery group already, I urge you to visit the Start Recovery page and find one that fits your needs. I also offer personal mentoring, free of charge, and completely confidential. This is a part of the continued service as outlined in Steps Eleven and Twelve of the recovery journey.
Talk About it:
This is my story, what’s yours? I would love to hear from you! I enjoy connecting and keeping in touch. Do you feel as though you don’t have anyone you can share with confidentially? Your anonymity is protected. Do you feel you are the only one struggling with the aftereffects of growing up with an alcoholic parent? Sweet sister, YOU are not alone! It’s time to break free from the shackles of your controlling habits, trust issues, co-dependency, guilt, self-blame, hurts, regrets, and heartaches!