Self-Image

The Still, Silent Challenge

Do We Sit With Our Hearts?

I admit it. I have a difficult time being still.

I like background noise, action and movement. This probably explains why I am pathetic at relaxation exercises, Tai Chi and yoga. I just can’t seem to settle down. The room may be completely quiet, yet my thoughts, “to do” lists and anxieties are often at record-setting decibel levels.

And this noise is often a part of the addiction package. Why? Because it’s distracting. And anything that promises to provide escape from reality is tantalizing.

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The Toxic Gender Role Dance

Okay, I’m attempting to simmer down. I just finished another viewing of the animated Disney classic, “Sleeping Beauty.”

Like a lot females out there, I have a complicated love/hate view of this fairytale princess depiction.

Over the years, I have bought into, absorbed, aspired to be like and have been resentful of this ingénue archetype. I have run the gamut of emotions, largely because of the all-important beauty factor which is mandatory for our young princess heroine.

It was all I could do to get through this latest viewing of the film.

For, right off the bat, we have our staple Disney music, chiming in, emphasizing just how beautiful our “Sleeping Beauty” is…

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Are You a Caricature?

For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he… Proverbs 23:7

When I was a senior in high school, I had a caricature drawing done with a friend of mine. I remember as we sat for the artist, we tried not to laugh and squirm as we anticipated what the finished product would look like.

And, I’ll admit it, when I saw the drawing, I was startled.

I looked at my ginormous head, stubby nose and large mouth and it certainly didn’t look like a “beauty shot.”

But, it was never supposed to. The caricature was, well, a caricature.

    “a picture, description, or imitation of a person or thing in which certain striking characteristics are exaggerated in order to create a comic or grotesque effect.”

I didn’t quite appreciate the drawing for what it was: exaggerated. The shock to my system created feelings that confirmed, yes, I was grotesque.

And that drawing memory connects me to another one.

My high school art teacher repeated a motto as we, her students, attempted to draw anything, people included:

“Draw what you see, not what you know.”

The concept, if embraced,

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Fear of Disapproval

I recently came across an image post on the internet. It was a female’s body, in workout gear. And it was accompanied by this statement:

“For Every ‘Comment’, I’ll do 10 sit ups, For Every ‘Like’, I’ll do 5 squats. Go, go, go!”

Furthermore, this post was also followed by a series of emoticons to emphasize its message: three arm curled biceps and one gold trophy.

(Sigh… Here we go again…)

Exercise, goals, striving for improvement/perfection…This is where I squirm, faced with posts as these.

Indeed, there is much emphasis on fitness in today’s culture. There are countless gyms, trainers, exercise equipment, programs, workout clothes and shoes, as well as a variety of athletic activities from which to choose. It’s overwhelming.

Yet there’s still a rise in eating disorders and in such health issues as

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Another’s Critique is Not the Final Say

I recently caught a viral video of a turtle repeatedly head butting a cat. The feline, annoyed, swishing its tail, eventually got up and moved. And the turtle was on its way. Is it a lesson in adversity? In persistence? In forging ahead, despite negative feedback?

Other people hold mirrors up to us. And a significant mirror came to me in the form of a critic to my beloved baby, my book, “Thin Enough.”

They say we’re supposed to embrace the criticism and the ugly truth. Well saying that, doing that and feeling great about it don’t necessarily happen all at the same time. But criticism and unpleasant comments still occur, often while we’re in the middle of something as challenging as recovery from a compulsion, addiction or disorder.

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The Importance of “STOP!”

That’s odd for me. I want to focus on moving forward, dreaming big dreams, taking risks. And lately, for some reason I don’t understand, I seem to hear STOP.

I don’t think it’s about the big things, I’ve no sense about stopping those efforts. So I’ve wondered about STOP as it relates to the ordinary, everyday stuff. I think I might have noticed something interesting.

STOP is nearly always useful advice when I’m uncertain.

Are you lost? STOP. Don’t keep wandering, compounding the problem. Get your bearings. Ask for help. (Hint: Works for more than driving.)

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Mother’s Day, Not Measuring Day

What’s your reaction to this image? Can you relate? Did you and your mother actually participate in this activity together, treating it as a bonding thing, a game, a competition or a means of “self-improvement?”

Mother’s Day. It is devoted to the remembrance and celebration of our mothers, those people who first loved us. And, perhaps, even, in the name of that love, diet and weight measurement were a part of that.

With my mom, I believe it was. She battled with her weight her entire life, certainly as long as I’ve known her. I discuss it in my book. Years later, I see how it wasn’t intentionally done to harm me.

But, nevertheless, that focus on body image, weight and thinness did. It’s not just my experience, not perhaps, not just yours, either. Studies have, indeed, shown its impact: I can relate.

“…The study, published this week in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology, found that when a teen-age girl develops an eating disorder ‘the mother-daughter relationship appears to contribute significantly.’

Kathleen M. Pike and Judith Rodin, who wrote the study, say they concluded this after comparing the test results of girls with eating disorders with those of girls who did not.

‘It appears that some of the mother’s own dieting and eating behavior and especially her

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Body Programming: The Disturbing Onesie

Negative body image, via merchandise and marketing, strikes again.

The Wry Baby, an apparel company, has sparked controversy for selling onesies which read “I Hate My Thighs.”

Cue toxic body image before females even get out of diapers!

I know, I know, the intent was not to hurt or offend; it’s about being funny, cute and whimsical.
What’s the harm, right?

For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he… Proverbs 23:7

It is difficult enough being female in a world which is largely hostile to the gender. Cultural and image expectations enforce many a harmful, unrealistic and rejecting message. Unless and until a female embodies a thin, aesthetically appealing and societally acceptable standard, she is deemed ugly, worthless, undesirable and irrelevant.

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Why is this happening to me?

A friend of mine who is experiencing some painful family issues has repeatedly asked herself the “why” questions.

Why is this happening to me?

Why am I being treated like this?

Why is my loved one acting in such an ugly manner?

She has been blindsided by a situation and a relationship she never dreamed was possible, rife with betrayal, deception and slander. This was once a close, bonded relationship, one filled with unconditional love and trust.

So, the events over the last few years were a definite shock.

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What’s in a name?

But now thus says the LORD that created you…”Fear not: for I have redeemed you, I have called you by your name; you are mine.” Isaiah 43:1

What’s in a name?

We cannot get around that question. From the start, we are named. As life continues, we bestow more names to children, pets, toys, places, projects, et cetera.

This naming business is far from insignificant. Consequently, it can often subject to negative, extremely personal and abusive behavior. It can challenge the recovery from our individual hurts, histories and obstacles.

I’ve personally encountered this toxicity. I have had people call me derogatory names; profanity and misogyny have often been at the center of those names.

It’s startling, infuriating and potentially harmful to my health and recovery. Often reeling from these encounters, my only recourse is to

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