Guidance

Another’s Critique is Not the Final Say

I recently caught a viral video of a turtle repeatedly head butting a cat. The feline, annoyed, swishing its tail, eventually got up and moved. And the turtle was on its way. Is it a lesson in adversity? In persistence? In forging ahead, despite negative feedback?

Other people hold mirrors up to us. And a significant mirror came to me in the form of a critic to my beloved baby, my book, “Thin Enough.”

They say we’re supposed to embrace the criticism and the ugly truth. Well saying that, doing that and feeling great about it don’t necessarily happen all at the same time. But criticism and unpleasant comments still occur, often while we’re in the middle of something as challenging as recovery from a compulsion, addiction or disorder.

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The Importance of “STOP!”

That’s odd for me. I want to focus on moving forward, dreaming big dreams, taking risks. And lately, for some reason I don’t understand, I seem to hear STOP.

I don’t think it’s about the big things, I’ve no sense about stopping those efforts. So I’ve wondered about STOP as it relates to the ordinary, everyday stuff. I think I might have noticed something interesting.

STOP is nearly always useful advice when I’m uncertain.

Are you lost? STOP. Don’t keep wandering, compounding the problem. Get your bearings. Ask for help. (Hint: Works for more than driving.)

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Mother’s Day, Not Measuring Day

What’s your reaction to this image? Can you relate? Did you and your mother actually participate in this activity together, treating it as a bonding thing, a game, a competition or a means of “self-improvement?”

Mother’s Day. It is devoted to the remembrance and celebration of our mothers, those people who first loved us. And, perhaps, even, in the name of that love, diet and weight measurement were a part of that.

With my mom, I believe it was. She battled with her weight her entire life, certainly as long as I’ve known her. I discuss it in my book. Years later, I see how it wasn’t intentionally done to harm me.

But, nevertheless, that focus on body image, weight and thinness did. It’s not just my experience, not perhaps, not just yours, either. Studies have, indeed, shown its impact: I can relate.

“…The study, published this week in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology, found that when a teen-age girl develops an eating disorder ‘the mother-daughter relationship appears to contribute significantly.’

Kathleen M. Pike and Judith Rodin, who wrote the study, say they concluded this after comparing the test results of girls with eating disorders with those of girls who did not.

‘It appears that some of the mother’s own dieting and eating behavior and especially her

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Body Programming: The Disturbing Onesie

Negative body image, via merchandise and marketing, strikes again.

The Wry Baby, an apparel company, has sparked controversy for selling onesies which read “I Hate My Thighs.”

Cue toxic body image before females even get out of diapers!

I know, I know, the intent was not to hurt or offend; it’s about being funny, cute and whimsical.
What’s the harm, right?

For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he… Proverbs 23:7

It is difficult enough being female in a world which is largely hostile to the gender. Cultural and image expectations enforce many a harmful, unrealistic and rejecting message. Unless and until a female embodies a thin, aesthetically appealing and societally acceptable standard, she is deemed ugly, worthless, undesirable and irrelevant.

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Learning to Listen

It is a challenge to become an active listener until you understand how years of denial, manipulating others, chemical use and other negative consequences have become the foundation of your distorted listening. You have become deaf to the reality of what you hear. Your addiction has become a filter that prevents you from hearing the truth. People talk about what you have become. You do not make sense when you talk so nobody listens to you.

Listening becomes a threat and you convince yourself that nobody will understand you because they will not listen to your version of your life as an addict or alcoholic. When you are deaf, to the reality of addiction, the delusions and paranoid ideas you create in you head become the reality that is your life. You become the delusions and distortion because you

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Prince and The Elevator

Living in Minnesota right now, I am in mourning… and its color is purple.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve heard the news that singer, rock star and lightning rod of controversy, Prince had died. On April 21st, 2016, he was found dead in his Paisley Park home… in the elevator. He was 57.

It was an enormous shock to the world. Just imagine what the experience was for Minnesotans.

Yeah.

You might be wondering why I’m writing about Prince, of all people, in this Christian recovery forum. You, perhaps, may believe he was a creator of “the devil’s music,” encouraging all kinds of sin, debauchery and strange behavior.

I ask that you please stay with me for a few moments.

Something struck me within minutes of hearing the news of his discovery in the elevator. It was later confirmed by American record executive, musician, songwriter and record producer, L.A Reid. He revealed a private conversation he once had with the artist.

Prince asked him, concerning his lyrics to the song, “Let’s Go Crazy,”

    “You know what the elevator is, don’t ya? It’s the devil.”

Yes, these lyrics…

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God Based Marriage Counseling

Do it yourself marriage counseling with God in the forefront is exceptional counsel because it really works! You just need to learn how to work it. Let me ask you a question. What are you now basing your marriage on? Where are you going now for the answers you may need to resolve your marital upheavals? The answer is most likely friends, family, pastors, books, ebooks, etc, or for very few of you, mainstream marriage counseling. Am I right?

We have to know WHO WE ARE before we can choose the right kind of counseling and marital guidance.

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Why is this happening to me?

A friend of mine who is experiencing some painful family issues has repeatedly asked herself the “why” questions.

Why is this happening to me?

Why am I being treated like this?

Why is my loved one acting in such an ugly manner?

She has been blindsided by a situation and a relationship she never dreamed was possible, rife with betrayal, deception and slander. This was once a close, bonded relationship, one filled with unconditional love and trust.

So, the events over the last few years were a definite shock.

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Who or What is Your Miracle Worker?

“Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh. Is there anything too hard for Me?”
Jeremiah 32:27

I recently caught the 1960 Academy Award winning film, “The Miracle Worker.” It portrays the relationship of Helen Keller and that of her groundbreaking teacher, Annie Sullivan.

Most of us know the basics to the story. Helen Keller was blind, deaf and mute and, before Sullivan’s arrival, seemingly hopeless in her circumstances. If she could not see, hear or speak, how could she ever communicate, let alone, live in the world?

The situation looked bleak.

That was until Sullivan’s arrival…

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The Power of “No!”

A large part of my recovery process involves using the word “no.” Indeed, saying “yes” gotten me into more trouble and disease than standing in my own okay-ness with stating it simply, but firmly.

My eating disorder experiences were driven by an insatiable need for perfection, approval and to be pleasing at all cost. So, “no” became a dirty little word. After all, a girl, filled with sugar and spice, should be completely fulfilled with making other people happy.

Right?

Wrong.

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