Forgiveness

Depression and No Self-worth

I’ve struggled and been in horrible, depressing bondage most of my life because I had no concept of self-worth and somehow that became tied to my appearance. I’ve struggled since a young teen with BDD, “body dysmorphic disorder”, a totally disabling disorder where the person sees themselves as so ugly and hideously deformed, they feel they have no right to even be alive and fear to be around others. I eventually turned to drink as my ‘coping mechanism” because that was the only way I could be around others and feel somewhat human. I’d been in and out of the hospital 7 times and had seen more Dr’s and taken more meds (often while still drinking) than I can remember. I even had shock therapy to try and overcome the overwhelming depression and hatred for myself.

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There was no Hope for Me

No-one wanted to deal with me. I was a lost cause to all, that is except for God.

I have been told by many to remain silent. That God would not use a person such as what I was. That miracles do not happen now-a-days, and on and on. It’s not understood, so I guess it isn’t to be mentioned. That sentiment has came from numerous local believers & church leaders as well as from the majority, seemingly, from the twelve step community here.

But I am not to remain silent. I must serve God rather than man regardless of what others think or believe. I feel inadequate enough, and there is no time for hate and debate. Bill W. had one.

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Drinking Controlled Me

I have come to the point in my life where I realize that I am an alcoholic. I fought that at first.

I prayed heaps – asked God for signs and miracles – he gave me heaps.

I wanted to control my drinking – it controlled me.

I went to a “secular” counselor. I hated him. He challenged me about my faith. I hated that even more.

In the end, desperate, I gave my problem to God. I clung on to the text from
“those who wait upon the Lord shall walk and not faint . . .” – that’s all I wanted but our gracious God is enabling me to rise up with eagle’s wings. I have days of rebellion and struggle but God is faithful.

Praise his name.

~ Sue

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Alcohol, Crack, Heroin, Sexual Abuse – But God kept His Word

Hi my name is Steve I’m a recovering alcoholic and drug addict.

I was baptized as infant and attended a catholic school and there was rules and things were disciplined. That is where I started to rebel and was asked to leave or to straighten up. I continued my education in public school.

I was sexually abused by an employer of a fast food place where I worked sweeping the parking lot. When I was around 14 years old he would buy me things gave me beer and cigarettes and I was to ashamed to tell anyone.

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I Had to Choose Between Death and Life

“I’m not an Alcoholic, you are! Don’t try to push your problem on me…” Sound familiar? This is what “they” call denial and I had it BAD. It wasn’t until the good LORD broke me, that I faced up to the truth. I have a problem. Alcohol is NOT my friend.

I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior but my walk really began six months before that when I had only two choices… death or life. Since I chose life, I had to make major changes. STOP Drinking had top billing. It’s amazing how the other changes began falling into place after that… only something was missing. I began going to church, but I was missing something… was it my attitude? I thought, if I can find young people like me, I’ll be okay. HA HA

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I am Freed from Being a Lesbian

Some of you, my friends, have asked me, “How did God or what circumstances did He use to free me from being a bi-sexual/lesbian?”

When I first came on the Internet, I didn’t really tell anyone right away about my problem of being a lesbian. All my life I had wanted to change this part of me. I couldn’t stand being a lesbian, with all those perverted thoughts and images and (yes doing the act with a woman) going on in my head. I knew there had to be a way to be free from it, but didn’t know how to be set free. I couldn’t talk about it to anyone for fear of being rejected, unloved, and even neglected especially by GOD.

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I have been keeping a secret since I was 7, I’m 36 now…

I have been keeping a secret since I was 7, I’m 36 now. No one knows about this secret, except for the one person who was hosting the Same Sex Attraction (SSA) Meeting last night.

I feel as though the Holy Spirit came and held me and then whispered in my ears (and fingers) to share…to go ahead and get it off my quiet little mind.

I feel as though I experienced a miracle here at Christians in Recovery so that is why I want to share this with you… I think if I experienced a miracle in my life that I’m to share it with everyone here at cir…. because God has given me Christians in Recovery (CIR) in my life to help me grow and heal. It’s been a journey these past 3-4 years here.

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