CIR KBs

Christians in Recovery Knowledge Base article

Sexual Addiction Relapse Prevention

We have to become willing to tolerate the discomfort of a frustrated impulse – an incredibly difficult thing to do. Because not acting out is like developing a new muscle. It feels there’s something wrong, were being brainwashed, we’re making a terrible mistake.

Ironically, many of us sexual compulsives seem on the surface to be easygoing and flexible people. But when it comes to changing our minds about acting out, it would appear no force on earth can stop us. Here are some practical steps designed to break through the sexual compulsive’s “whim of steel”:

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Coping Techniques for Panic & Anxiety

Calming Breaths or “Deep Breaths”

    (1) Inhale slowly through your nose filling your belly, *not* your chest for five seconds.
    (2) Hold for about 5 seconds.
    (3) Blow air out slowly through your lips, as if you are blowing out cigarette smoke.
    (*) Repeat the process 3-5 times.

Act As If

    This is one of the best overall techniques — your brain both observes and drives your body. You can best break bad internal cycles by using your muscles to disrupt the pattern. Act as if you are brave and strong. Act kind and confident. Put on an act until it is no longer an act but a habit. This can work. Not all the time, but practice makes perfect eventually.

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Falling for the “Bad Guy”

“Everyone falls for the bad guy.”

Yep, that about sums it up. A lot of you ladies know exactly what I’m talking about.

We see him, the rebel, complete with dreamy bedroom eyes, tousled hair and a certain taboo nonconformity, brooding in a dark corner somewhere; we’re smitten.

There’s something alluring, dangerous and promising about the bad guy, isn’t there? Its intoxicating argument of an exciting, romantic and perfect life, however that’s defined, leads us into taking the bad guy up on his offer. We make some choices- and, let’s face it, they’re not exactly great choices for us, are they?

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Seeking Christ Crucified

“Fear not you; for I know that you seek Jesus which was crucified.” Matthew 28:5


THIS was the address of an angel to Mary Magdalene, and the other Mary, that had come to see the sepulcher before break of day They were last at the Cross, and first at the tomb. Favors are given sovereignly by the Lord, but honor is conferred according to a rule; and the rule is this: “Them that honor me, I will honor.” These women were informed of his resurrection before the apostles; the apostles received the intelligence from them, but they received it from an angel.

At first these pious visitants were afraid. And what wonder when we consider that they were females; that all their sensibilities were alive; that they were in another’s garden; that they were alone; that the earth was reeling under them; that the guards were fleeing, and perhaps shrieking; that it was early in the morning, and the remaining darkness rendered more visible and awful the divine messenger sitting at the door of the tomb — his countenance as lightning, and his raiment white as snow!

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Christian Recovery – Frequently Asked Questions

Answers to Questions About Personal Recovery

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God: Better Than a Hershey’s Bar

I love the series “Mad Men.” Most of the time, I confound my husband by binge watching episodes of it on Netflix. And I’ve been especially giddy as I’ve barreled through season six. I won’t spoil plotlines for you, but there was a particular scene in which the Madison Avenue advertising protagonist, Don Draper was pitching to Hershey’s. Yes, the Hershey’s, the famous chocolate candy bar.

Anyway, in this pitch meeting, Don calls the candy bar “the childhood symbol of love” and the “currency of affection.”

Yikes.

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Is Porn the Norm?

Several years ago, Faith Popcorn, America’s foremost trend expert, hailed by the New York Times as the “trend oracle” and as the “Nostradamus of marketing” by Fortune magazine, declared, “Porn is norm.” She was not endorsing pornography, but predicting that media technology would push the limits of what is acceptable and would facilitate a culture of instant gratification; thus porn would be the norm. True to her prediction, pornography has moved out of the back allies of the urban scene and onto the main streets of America.

While most Internet businesses were going bankrupt, the porn industry was raking in huge profits, making it perhaps the most profitable business on the Internet. In the past, one had to travel to sleazy backstreets to find porn; now, it’s only a click away on the computer and on the remote control of the cable/satellite TV. Easy, private and nobody knows?except God. At home or in the hotel, porn is private, available and acceptable. Some estimate that as much as 70% of in-room hotel profits come from porn and that over 50% of hotel patrons participate. As people consume it in private, porn becomes the norm and goes public.

Whether it’s the infamous Super Bowl incident or the recent Paris Hilton hamburger commercial, porn is seducing its way into the mainstream. The church needs to be on guard against this tsunami of trash. As it inundates our culture, it is also seeping into our churches. Shepherds must be vigilant and use the rod and staff to defeat this enemy and guard Christ’s sheep.

A Reality in the Church

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What Does Healed from Homosexuality Mean Anyway?

When I say I’m ex-gay, people often stare at me with that same suspicious look, usually reserved for people who:

    A. Claim to have seen Elvis’ ghost enjoying a Value Meal at McDonalds
    B. Testify they were abducted by aliens and forced to have sex with them in a corn field.
    C. Promise you will make millions of dollars and retire by age 35 simply by placing one tiny ad in a newspaper from the convenience of your own apartment.

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What is Powerlessness?

I have been reminded recently that the Christian faith is as offensive and outrageous as it has always been. It is still, as the Apostle Paul put it, a kind of foolishness. That the weakness of the infant Jesus could contain the power at the heart of all of creation is sheer foolishness. That the weakness of the cross could possibly constitute the decisive victory over the forces which oppose God’s rule seems preposterous. Indeed, it is rare today to find anyone, either within the Christian community or elsewhere, who speaks in praise of weakness. Our understanding of power has become decidedly unparadoxical. We want our power untainted with anything as undesirable as weakness. We prefer peace through strength and salvation through self-reliance.

A growing critique of the recovery movement makes precisely this point. Stan Katz and Aimee Liu put it this way in their book The Codependency Conspiracy: “relationships that are based on mutual weakness cannot serve as sources of strength or enrichment”. This is a remarkable conviction – and one that is quite contrary to my personal experience. But it is a very popular conviction. Recovery through strength is much more appealing than recovery which begins with the appalling weakness of ‘admitting powerlessness’.

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