…he whose might is his god. Habakkuk 1:17, ASV
It isn’t often that such a short phrase of scripture so impacts my heart, but since running across these six words in my reading of Habakkuk earlier this week, I haven’t been able to put them out of my mind.
Are You Tired? Sick? Discouraged? Read More »
There are two kinds of rest: the rest (peace and joy) that we have with the Lord everyday when we walk closely with Him and the eternal rest of Heaven. The writer of Hebrews has just talked about the Israelites who, through their rebellion toward God, were not allowed to enter the Promised Land. It seems very possible for us to deny ourselves of that very thing we have wanted by our own unwillingness to live by faith.
Hebrews 4:1-2 NKJV
Therefore, since a promise remains of entering His rest, let us fear lest any of you seem to have come short of it. For indeed the gospel was preached to us as well as to them; but the word which they heard did not profit them, not being mixed with faith in those who heard it.
Unfortunately, the word “faith” is bantered around so much these days that it’s almost impossible to know whether or not we truly have the kind of faith Hebrews talks about. We talk about believing in Jesus as having faith. James writes: “You believe that there is one God. You do well. Even the demons believe–and tremble!” (James 2:19 NKJ). Why do the demons believe? Because they know that someday God will deal with their rebellion and sin against Him. We believe and fail to tremble because we think that God is so tolerant that He will just forgive and let us go on in our rebellion. Why. we believe in Jesus! That should be enough. The demons believe and it won’t save them.
James precede this verse with a discussion about works:
Are You Willing to Live by Faith? Read More »
When error comes, it always rides in on the wings of truth.[1]
Nikita Khrushchev (1894-1971), Premier of the former Soviet Union, described a time in the Communist republic’s history when a wave of petty theft was sweeping through the government-owned plants. To curtail the stealing, guards were placed at factory entrances to watch the laborers as they entered and departed. At the Leningrad timberworks, one of the guards spotted Pyotr Petrovich leaving the yard with a wheelbarrow filled with a bulky sack. A guard became dutifully suspicious.
The World is Not Controlled by Satan Read More »
Every so often the familiar and even somewhat predictable “amnesia scenario” is resurrected for another made-for-TV-movie or sitcom. The actor stares blankly into once-loved faces and professes no recognition whatsoever. Places, sounds, smells, even names–nothing seems familiar. Memory has been lost; hence, a sense of identity has been lost as well.
And that is exactly what has happened to us–all of us. We have lost our memory. Like the prodigal son’s older brother who toiled endlessly and joyously in the fields, we have forgotten who we are and where we came from. But the forgetting goes beyond the pigsty from which the Father has rescued the prodigals. It extends back to the beginning–to a time when our identity was secure in our fellowship with the Father.
Before the rebellion…
Before the fall…
Before the exile.
As a result, our world is in the midst of an ongoing identity crisis. We walk around, day after day, year after year, generation after generation, trying to find our way back to….somewhere…. hoping that when we get there, someone will recognize us and tell us who we are.
The problem is, even if we figure out where that “somewhere” is, we cannot get ourselves back there, contrary to a song that was popular in the late ’60s and early ’70s that proclaimed the need to get ourselves back to the Garden.
Trying to Find Your Way Back? Read More »
This statement, from its anonymous author, recently caught my attention:
“Hearts are wild creatures. That’s why our ribs are cages.”
Its focus, the heart and the rib cage, hit home. For I have had a disordered history with both.
My obsession with the thin physique created my descent into anorexia and its painful heart issues.
“…I could count all of my ribs. I still wasn’t thin enough; it wasn’t good enough…”*
As I’ve been in recovery from eating disorders, food, weight and body image issues, yes, I’ve had to deal with my heart. That, therefore, includes the related topics of passions, desires and idolatry.
The Heart: A Wild Creature Read More »
Coming from a theater background, I’m no stranger to an audience.
“All the world’s a stage… And one man in his time plays many parts…”
In William Shakespeare’s play, “As You Like It,” Act II Scene VII, purpose-filled life is compared to that of a theatre stage.
How much more does that apply for those of us recovering from addiction, disorder or abuse?
Besides my theater background, I also have an eating disorder history as well. In college, I battled both anorexia and bulimia.
Indeed, during my sophomore year, desperate in my bulimic behavior, I began to dumpster dive…
“… I’d try to play it off, pretending everything was normal as people passed by me scrounging in the dumpster… in broad daylight… I couldn’t hide any longer from others what I was doing… people were noticing…”*
*Excerpt from Sheryle Cruse’s book, “Thin Enough: My Spiritual Journey Through the Living Death of an Eating Disorder”
This was an unwelcomed audience for me.
Nevertheless, people saw. And, no matter how I tried, I could not escape the Presence of the Most High.
For a long time, I fought God.
Power In Discovering Your Audience Read More »
Over the years, I have learned about boundaries and the discernment needed in determining when to stay and when to go.
“And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet.” Matthew 10:14; Mark 6:11
These scriptures often deal with the spreading of the Gospel. And that is certainly the case. But I also see them applying to addiction/recovery matters as well.
1. We admitted we were powerless over a substance or behavior ─ our lives had become unmanageable.
Step One challenges our “I have this under control” lie we often tell ourselves.
I have encountered this from close family members, most specifically, my mother.
I was rather late arriving to the therapy party when it came to addressing my disordered eating/image issues. I wasn’t in therapy as a skeletal anorexic, an impulsive bulimic or a ravenous overeater. No. It was a matter of “years later” when I finally decided I needed to face personal issues about myself. And I did it alone.
I did it alone because, when it came to dealing with those unpleasant and difficult issues, my family was unwilling to participate in unflattering truth’s revelation.
I first encountered this as an emaciated anorexic.
Using Our Recovery Feet Read More »
“… I have heard thy prayer, I have seen thy tears: behold, I will heal thee…”
2 Kings 20:5
There was once a product called “No More Tears” detangling spray I used frequently as a child. As a little girl, snarls were my reality; therefore, this product was mandatory. Mom pulled and sprayed my hair, while I’d stare at the bottle’s portrait. Radiant mother was brushing radiant daughter’s flowing tresses. There were no feelings of inadequacy, no complicated views of human emotions and no sore scalp. The bottle simply promised, “No More Tears.”
If only life could be that easy.
But, indeed, my personal experience with tears has been un-easy. Crying – unpleasant emotion of any kind – was viewed and treated negatively, as something to be avoided, covered, silenced or punished. Tears were the uncomfortable evidence all is not well; there is disease, pain and trauma here.
However, in the last fifteen years, I have come to view tears through a healthier, more meaningful lens. As we deal with our addictions, disorders and traumas, addressing what our tears represent to us, we aren’t far removed from the harmful beliefs which contribute to our struggles and thwart our recoveries.
I once stumbled across a photo which compared four types of human tears: tears of grief, tears of change, tears cried from onions and tears of laughter. I was struck by their imagery; each seemed to offer a specific signature concerning life experience.
Tears of Grief:
First, we see this microscopic picture of tears of loss. It resembles a sparse wasteland. To me, the prevalence of the tears’ open space appears as a lonely island surround by an ocean. The impression I get from these magnified tears is one of disconnect.
And this was exactly where I was as I was confronted by my dad’s death in 2003.
“The Easy Death:”
Even as I found connection within my faith as an adult, I still did not deal with the unresolved issues I had with him. By this point, I was married, living in another state, and pursuing my writing career. I had also been in therapy. Still, the dysfunctional relationship with my dad proved to be painful and powerful.
The Power of Tears Read More »
I have this roll around bag I carry with me every day to work. In it, I carry my journal, extra pens, a small laptop, and anything else I think I might need for the day. I decided to get a bag that had rollers because the one I carried over my shoulder grew too heavy for me. I wish I could do the same for the other baggage I have carried with me over the years.
The other suitcase I carry with me has no handle. It resides within the chambers of my heart and the confines of my soul. It has years of control, co-dependency, self-blame, regret, sadness, grief, and pain within it. As I face Step Four of my recovery journey, I know there is more in that piece of luggage. I know there are things I haven’t admitted to yet. I know there are probably even things I am not aware of. But I know this is an important step in the recovery from my past.
These issues I have carried with me are common for people like me. I haven’t always known this to be true. Working diligently on making a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself showed me this. Reading Psalm 139:23-24 guides me toward God’s loving arms to reveal the truth about me.
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me and know my anxious thoughts;
And see if there be any hurtful way in me,
And lead me in the everlasting way.
I ask God to search and know my heart. I ask him to
What’s in My Suitcase? Read More »
Why is it important to have a sponsor? Why do I need someone to guide me along in my journey through recovery? Can’t I do this thing alone? I’m a private person. I don’t want someone else knowing my problems. It’s nobody’s business what is going on in my life.
I asked those questions and said those things when I first began on my recovery journey. It wasn’t until I read the Scripture that goes along with Step Four that I finally realized God doesn’t desire for this journey to be solo. His desire is for me to find someone I trust to help, guide, and teach me along the way.
Why is it Important to Have a Sponsor? Read More »
