Bullying (PTSD)

Asking for Support: Getting the Help You Need – Part 1

by Dale & Juanita Ryan
See: Part 2 | Part 3

The God of the Bible is a God who saves and heals. The Bible is clear about this: He will deliver the needy who cry out, he will rescue them from oppression and violence. Psalm 72: 12,14) When we see our need, acknowledge our inability to save ourselves, and cry out, God delivers us. God rescues us from oppression and violence. Whether it is the oppression and violence of our compulsions and addictions or the oppression and violence of abuse and neglect, God delivers us and heals us. God is powerful enough and loving enough to deliver us from all of the oppression and violence we face.

This is the good news proclaimed in Scripture. And it is the basis for our hope on the recovery journey. We cannot save ourselves. Or heal ourselves. But God can. And God will.

Sound simple? It turns out to be anything but simple. There are several reasons for this. First, we find it hard to believe that God is

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Is Fear “Normal?”

We take fear for granted.

I think we live in a culture of fear. We’re quite literally immersed in it. We’re so accustomed to being afraid that we don’t even realize how much this embedded fear drives our thinking, attitudes, and choices.

For all of our talk about freedom we seem obsessed with power and control. We have this insatiable need to manipulate others and control our environment, and I believe it’s mostly rooted in insecurity and fear.

How much of your time and attention is devoted to avoiding every conceivable risk—or even the appearance of risk? How much do you worry about “threats” that aren’t meaningful threats at all?

How much energy do you expend controlling others? How much do you seek power through some form of coercion, as though it’s just the way it’s supposed to be?

What’s the cost of all that fear?

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Are You the Victim of a Bully?

I once thought a bully was a big kid shaking down a weaker kid for lunch money.

Now I know bullies are adults, too. They’re bosses, parents, teachers, spouses, neighbors, pastors, celebrities, and pro athletes. A bully is an insecure person who uses physical or emotional violence, or the threat of such violence, to exert power and control over others.

I can’t think of anything positive about bullies or their actions.

The bully hasn’t learned how to get what he needs—affirmation, love, self-worth—in authentic relationships, so he resorts to violence and threats. Bullies aren’t “real men” or “strong women.” They’re weak or unskilled in relationships, so they compensate with bravado.

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God’s Name Tag

And everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. Acts 2:21


When I was a kid, my cousins had a favorite pastime: scaring me senseless. I mistakenly thought by being an only child, I’d avoid the horror of sibling torment.

Not so fast. The beauty of older cousins.

Anyway, as part of this torment, my loving cousins frequently told me I was in rooms with ghosts, demons and the devil himself. Whether it was in my home or theirs, they’d lure me into a particular room, then shut the door, locking me in while making scary noises, “talking” to the disturbing entities and, of course, telling me these unholy creatures were coming for me.

Oh, happy childhood. When is it over?

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Abuse: It’s Deceptions, Forms & Healing

As we already know, abuse can come in many forms: physical, emotional, sexual, verbal, financial, spiritual and so on. For the most part, it is you that is the victim or survivor of abuse. But what if the abuser is you? How do you deal with the fact that you are an abuser yourself? Do you blame it on being abused yourself? Is it a result of growing up watching your parents while one abuses the other? How do you change your behaviour? Do you want to change your behaviour? There are many questions regarding when you are the abuser and there are many roads to choose from of which to travel down. Also, what if you are not the abuser, but the person being abused? What are your options? What actions should you take to end the violence?

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Living Water in the Desert of Abuse

Hagar couldn’t bear to watch – or listen.

She tucked her son beneath the scant shade of a spiny bush, staggered about 100 yards away, and tried to plug her ears against his cries for help. But through the flesh and bone of her fingers, she could still hear him.

“Mama! Water! Please, Mama!” he begged, his voice cracking with adolescence and thirst.

Although the heat was oppressive, Hagar shivered with horror. Her baby was dying and she was helpless against the relentless sun and parched winds.

Soon she, too, would die from thirst. More painful than the thought of her own demise was the pleading voice of her son asking for the basic necessity of life that she could not give him — water.

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Be a Friend to an Abused Woman

1. Please listen to the abused woman.

2. Please don’t blame her for the abuse.

3. Please avoid interrupting her.

4. Please don’t act shocked or doubtful of the truth of her situation.

5. Please pray for her.

6. Please offer her Scripture that comforts and strengthens her.

7. Please let her know that she can call or visit you again.

8. Please share tea or coffee with her to put her at ease.

9. Please find out if she is danger.

10. Please give her the name of the nearest shelter.

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When is it Right to Trust Other People? (Part 2)

See Part One

One of the hardest issues for many people, especially in today’s society, is to know when to trust other people. What I am about to write comes from the books, Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend, and Safe People by the same authors. It is what I have learned along my healing journey, and I can assure you that I am by no means anywhere near the end of it. I believe healing is a lifelong journey. I highly recommend reading ALL of their books. Believe me when I say they have an endless supply of good Christian books that will help you grow and mature both spiritually and emotionally.

Many people teach that we are to trust nobody. After all, look what it gets us a lot of the time. Girls, boys and women raped because they trusted somebody enough to simply speak to them. Now, not every encounter is a bad one, but we cannot guarantee that any meeting will be a safe one. Who is willing to risk their life on a chance meeting?

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Spiritual Abuse by Clergy

1. Some clergy say there is no domestic violence in their church. Maybe in “that bad area of town,” but not in their church.

2. Some clergy report no man in their church would hurt a woman.

3. Most clergy lack education and training in domestic violence issues.

4. Most clergy don’t preach against domestic violence in their midweek or Sunday services.

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