Guidance

Workshop: Father/daughter, Mother/son Relationships

Looking at how the strengths, weaknesses, and dynamics of relationship with our opposite~sexed primary caregiver affects us as we enter adulthood and pair up with a partner.

  • How our earliest relationships affect our mate selection
  • How we learn from that and look for healthier traits in our adult relationships
  • Why we are attracted to certain kinds of people

Lead by Tracy R. Warring Against Relational Sabotage

Host Welcome to the workshop on Father/daughter, Mother/son relationships Workshop Leader will be sharing with you on … Reactive Attachment Disorder and …Looking at how the strengths, weaknesses, and dynamics of relationship with our opposite-sexed primary caregiver affects us as we enter adulthood and pair up with a partner. I will open with prayer..

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Angry with a God We Limit

I can’t tell you how many times I have heard people grumble about the way the world is today. Murder, rape, theft, lies, wrong lifestyles and thoughts. The list we (including me) goes on and on.

    “If God loves us so much then why does He let ‘this’ happen?”

    “If God is all powerful then why doesn’t He stop ‘this’ from taking place?”

    “If God really can still perform miracles, why are there so many going hungry, dying, homeless??”


If, if, if — all we do is doubt Him. Instead of questioning why God allows certain things to happen, we should be thanking Him for the gifts He has given us personally for the day we are currently in – one being that we are still ALIVE.

I decided to research this strange way we grumble to a God who loved us enough to send His ONLY Son, His ONLY child, to die the most horrible of all deaths to provide a way back to God. This is what I found.

Be Honest

First off, we have to be honest and say that each of us has at one point in our life, questioned why God did something or why He allowed something to happen. I know I have questioned Him MANY times – and once I had waited on HIS TIMING the answer came through crystal clear – not always the answer I wanted, but the answer that was needed to fulfill God’s will, which is always good and perfect.

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Restoration Through Making Amends (Part 2)

See: Part 1

In his book, Staying Sober, Terence Gorksi shares a simple exercise that creates a workable “road map” for the process of making amends. On a sheet of paper, draw lines to make three columns. In the left column, list those who were hurt by my drinking/drug addiction. In the center one, list how they were hurt in very specific terms. And, in the right, list what must be done to make amends with them. A final step in the process is to determine who can and cannot be contacted and to develop a chronological list of those who will be contacted.

The second half of Step 9 offers a warning – there are certain people to whom we should not attempt to make amends. This is because doing so could actually be more harmful than doing nothing. In Step 8 the focus in on a list of all those to whom one is willing to make amends. Step 9 involves talking real action to restore relationships. This requires much more discretion. Here are things to consider from the Serenity New Testament:

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Restoration Though Making Amends (Part 1)

If therefore you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar, and go your way; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering. (Matthew 5:23, 24)

A rescue mission counselor asked me to talk with a man who had returned to their recovery program for the third time. Despite completing their program twice, he was unable to remain sober for more than a few months. Not too far into our discussion, I recognized he had not been able to develop the healthy sort of relationships essential for continued growth in recovery. Fearful of becoming too involved with others, he could not experience the joy of meaningful, fulfilling relationships. I asked him, “Have you ever done the 8 & 9 Steps?” His answer of “No” made perfect sense. Like many newly recovering people, he still carried a load of guilt and remorse from unresolved past relationships. Thus, he could not move forward with confidence to make new intimate relationships. He needed to clean up the residue of his past first.

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Helping Recovering Addicts Reconnect With Themselves

Previously, we discussed the addict’s need to reconnect with God. Now, we turn to another important issue, the addict’s need to reconnect with himself. By this I mean gaining a new level of self-awareness that leads to positive change. This means knowing how he feels and why. And, importantly, it means recognizing his own needs. There are four essential areas of self-awareness that all who wish to succeed in living sober and healthy lives must have:

A. I am powerless over alcohol and/or drugs – This does not mean, “I am unable to avoid using alcohol or drugs.” This recognition focuses on what happens when the addict uses his/her drug of choice (which may be ethyl alcohol). This is the clinical definition of powerlessness — the admission (both intellectually and emotionally) that even in the most limited use of alcohol or drugs results in an outcome that the addict cannot predict. They need to see drinking or drugging as playing Russian Roulette with a gun. Just as every chamber does not contain a bullet, not that every using experience ends up in days of out-of-control use and behavior. But, eventually they will lose control.

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Adultery Bible Study (Part 2)

See: Part 1

Sexual immorality is a temptation we all must face on a daily basis. God doesn’t forbid sexual sins just to be difficult. God knows its power to destroy people’s lives physically and spiritually. God wants to protect us from damaging ourselves with immoral desires. Sex outside of the marriage relationship always hurts someone. It hurts God because it shows that we care more about our own lustful and selfish desires than Him.

The key to faithfulness is putting Christ’s principles to work in our life and trusting in the Holy Spirit within us with our temptations. When we have temptations and ungodly thoughts we need to put our trust and faith in Jesus Christ. We have to communicate our burdens to God through prayer. Only when we put our trust in Him will He help us.

Basing Our Lives on Own Understanding and Wisdom

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Adultery Bible Study (Part 1)

See: Part 2

“We have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” Matthew 5:27-28

Jesus came to fulfill the Old Testament laws, not abolish them. Simply telling someone to not commit adultery is preaching to the choir. We all know that adultery is a sin and yet we still commit adultery. Jesus went a step further then just telling us to not commit adultery; He taught that to desire a woman (or a man) in a lustful way is wrong and is considered mental adultery. The problem lies within our belief system.

What we “do” is a symptom of “how” we think.

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Motivating Addiction Recovery Program Participants (Part 1)

The more time I spend with rescue mission recovery programs, the more I’ve become convinced that the most important “gift” we can give homeless addicts is community, a place to belong. Homelessness is a state of complete disaffiliation—being cut off from all meaningful and supportive human relationships. Suc­cessful mission residential programs actually provide a supportive “family” environment where homeless addicts can examine their lives and take the difficult initial steps toward a new, sober, and productive life.

There are two other important communities that program participants must become involved with so the process of change begun at the mission continues after they leave. The first is the Church, the Body of Christ, where program graduates experi­ence fellowship with other believers and spiritual nurture.

The second is the recovering community where involvement with support groups for recovering addicts give them a place to continue personal growth through mutual sharing and encour­agement with others who have overcome addiction.

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A Christian Philosophy of Addiction and Recovery

There’s a long standing debate in Christian Counseling circle as to whether addiction is a sin or a disease. I have addressed this issue in a previous article. What I want to say here is simply, any rescue mission, Salvation Army ARC or other Christian ministry that works with alcoholics and drug addicts must establish an official philosophy of addiction. This is best done at the level of the board of directors. How we approach addicts from a philosophical and theological perspective will ultimately guide everything we do. Certainly, it will serve as the framework for our counseling approach. But it will also influence whom we hire, the curriculum we develop, and the expectations we have for the people in our programs.

For potential use with your program, and to serve as a framework for developing your philosophy, I offer the Philosophy of Addiction and Recovery I developed for New Creation Center, the residential treatment program I led in Atlantic Mine, Michigan for over ten years. Feel free to use as much of it as you wish.

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Diamonds, Horses & Grass (poem about Marriage Renewal)

If you find yourself losing the joy in your life
And your blessing is more like a curse
And you wonder what’s wrong with that sweet little girl
That you’ve taken for better or worse,

You look at her now and hear yourself say,
“A11 she does is gripe and complain.”
But maybe if you took a look at yourself,
You would find what exactly has changed.

Now, you didn’t used to call on that girl
With chicken hanging out of your teeth,
Your pants undone and your hair not combed
With whiskers you’ve had for a week.

You’d take three baths and put on cologne,
Shine your shoes and wax your car.
Then, you’d stand at a mirror and work on your hair
Till you looked like a Hollywood star.

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