Guidance

Know the Difference: Healthy or Unhealthy Support System?

“Know the difference between those who stay to feed the soil and those who come to grab the fruit.”


This sobering statement recently came to my attention. I don’t know who originally said it, but it resonates, all the same.

It has personally factored in heavily as I have learned, firsthand, who was a part of my healthy support system…and who was NOT.

Indeed, this concept plays a MAJOR role for each of us as we navigate our addiction/recovery journeys. It is usually not too long in life, before we encounter the all too common cliché dysfunction of co-dependency, narcissism and/or exploitation.

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Praying the Promises of His Word

The Lord calls us to be “transformed by the renewing of [our] minds” (Rom. 12:2). One of the most powerful ways we can do this is by praying the promises of His Word back to Him, since He has promised that His Word would not return void, but would accomplish its intended purpose (Is. 55:11). By God’s Word we can defeat the accusations and the temptations of Satan, as Christ did while tempted in the wilderness (Matt. 4:1-11).

The following prayer is one that I wrote over some time as I meditated on a number of promises from the Scripture that the Spirit called to my mind. What I mean by “meditation” is not that I repeated any verses as a mantra, as if they had power in themselves, but that I considered deeply what they meant, that I weighed the meaning of the words, that I waited to see if the Lord brought to mind other verses that touched on the same topics, and that I related all of this to what I was experiencing in life.

As a result, I was able to see something in these words that was greater,

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Uncomfortable Silence is a Teacher Too

Recovery-from much of anything – is often not done in the steady hum of encouragement. It’s frequently done in intimidating quiet. Even with support groups, sponsors, treatment centers, churches and any number of “support structures,” we are still left with our true selves. And, no matter what affirmations we have heard and learned, we alone are left to apply them. There is no uplifting outside cheerleader. There is just our decision.

I know this comes across as negative, especially concerning “the Higher Power” factor.

As a person of faith, I’m not dismissing the role The Most High plays. Rather, I see how the Divine shows up in disguised forms, one of those being the unanswered quiet.

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Wisdom to Know the Difference

But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy.James 3:17


The Serenity Prayer is believed to have been written by American theologian, Reinhold Niebuhr sometime in the 1930’s. Although at the time it was written, it was not directly related to alcoholics, later it was adopted by Alcoholics Anonymous as the prayer stated at each of their meetings. It would then become a regular prayer at many other recovery meetings, including that of adult children of alcoholics.

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“I wish to be all that I am created to be…”

For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him. Colossians 1:16


Day six of this eating disorder awareness week focuses on the dangle carrot of our potential. This wish seems to be the unspoken, secret, lurking wish, just below the surface of our more tangible physically manifested options.

Yet, make no mistake about it, this wish is potent; it longs to be fulfilled – and it goes beyond the physical appearance.

It speaks to our purpose and our unchanging value.

I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made… Psalm 139:14

And, sadly, it often befuddles us with anxiety and fear, stating the lie, “We will never achieve it; it will never happen.”

All the more reason why we need to own our part of being a good steward of our lives.

Notice I did not say a “perfect” or an “all-knowing” steward. There is much to learn; mistakes and flaws are a part of that education.

For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church. Because we are members of his body. Ephesians 5:29-30

Nevertheless,

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Self-Esteem: “I wish I looked like…”

“I wish I looked like…”

For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there. James 3:16

In day two of this national eating disorder awareness week, we turn our attention to appearance. Indeed, wishing, coveting and image are right there in our lives. The outside world displays some aspirational form of aesthetically pleasing and powerful messages; beauty,
especially within the definition of a rigid, thin beauty, becomes its dominant depiction.

This hierarchy of human value, intensified with its dangled promises of untold perfection, happiness and a problem-free existence, can often find us is a position to covet, to envy and to further exemplify less than positive character attributes in the process.

A sound heart is the life of the flesh:
but envy the rottenness of the bones. Proverbs 14:30

And it stems from a place of fear: we fear we are inadequate as is. Scripture, however, negates that concept…

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Are You Armed and Ready?

Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. Ephesians 6:11


Once I admitted my issues with control, trust, retail therapy, and co-dependency, I found the love of God waiting for me. Since I had not previously walked the Christian walk, I had a lot to learn. I am an overachiever and a perfectionist by nature, so naturally I wanted to know as much as I could in a relatively short period of time.

I dove in head first into studying God’s Word. I prayed without ceasing. I thanked Jesus on a daily basis for saving me. I did everything right, right?

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7 “I wish I was loved…”

Finally, on this last day of this eating disorder awareness week, we encounter, perhaps, the trickiest issue: love. The Most High’s love is so thorough and passionate, it outlasts time. It is everlasting.

“… Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.” Jeremiah 31:3

We are that wanted.

We often underestimate that reality. We can get distorted tunnel vision, convinced by the rejection we encounter in our lives.

Our experiences often produce a lie with each negative encounter: “you are unlovable.”

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“I wish I could be happy…”

But let all those who take refuge and put their trust in You rejoice; let them ever sing and shout for joy, because You make a covering over them and defend them; let those also who love Your name be joyful in You and be in high spirits. Psalm 5:11


Again, as day five of this eating disorder awareness week continues, we are confronted with another toxic theory: happiness can be attained via pursuing our image wishes. We often chase and erect our thin idols, to the detriment of our awareness that they were never created to satisfy. They will only fail us.

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“I wish I was acceptable…”

Since thou wast precious in my sight… I have loved thee… Isaiah 43:4


Our eating awareness week continues with acceptability. Indeed, there is the pervasive lie out there which tells us how beauty equals acceptance.

And, certainly within our culture, we are inundated with more than enough evidence that this theory is “fact.” Look how we fawn over Hollywood, the fashion world and particular image aesthetics. We are convinced “the beautiful people” are more valuable, more relevant and definitely more accepted than anyone who is not fitting that criteria.

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