CIR KBs

Christians in Recovery Knowledge Base article

My Husband is Looking at Porn. What Should I Do?

Ask Angie: Angie, my husband is a Christian, and I just found out that he has been looking at porn on the Internet for about a month. How do I have a relationship with him after this? We went through this when we first got married 19 years ago…I don’t think I can do it again!

Marriage Guidance: You have to see your husband underneath the cloak of this addiction. Addiction is not who he is but what he has allowed to filter into his heart and mind. You need to pray about his recovery and ask God to give you the strength to get through these hard times in your marriage. Some husbands lie to themselves and believe its ok to look at naked women and men. But the truth is its not ok if you have stopped enjoying your wife. It’s not ok if you look forward to viewing women on the Internet instead of the woman you married and that God has blessed you with. It would be a good idea to print this marriage column out and read through it with your husband. Work together on this issue by being supportive and encouraging. Try and be your husbands other half (help mate) rather than an antagonist. You both need to sit down and talk through this with respect and consideration of each others feelings. Some husbands are in denial and believe they don’t have a problem with porn. But since you said your husband is a Christian or trying to be a Christian then he is not in denial and should work towards inner healing. Help him do that.

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Looking for God’s Answers To Our Prayers

1. “Truly, truly, I say to you, whatever you ask of the Father in my name, he will give it to you.” Such longings and prayers are sincere and God loves them and loves to answer them. We do not know ourselves very well, nor the depth or pervasiveness of our sin, nor what it really requires of us in order to receive what we ask for.

2. We can’t help but have unreal, romantic imaginations and expectations about what God’s answers to our prayers will be. We are often unprepared for the answers we receive from God. They are not what we expect and we often do not see how they correspond to our prayers. Prayer does effect what God does! This is so important for you to grasp! God will do things when we pray that He will not do if we don’t pray!

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Signs of Spiritual Attack

We have a very real enemy, Satan, who wants nothing more than to destroy our lives, our thoughts, our walks with Jesus (John 10:10). He, along with his hoard of demons,
roams the earth, seeking ways to wreak havoc on God’s kingdom (1 Peter 5:8).

Many Christians seem to be blindsided by Spiritual Attacks. When it comes to a spiritual attack, it is crucial to recognize the warning signs for survival:-

1. Loss of spiritual desire.
The goal of any spiritual attack is to turn you away from what God wants to do in your life. That is why the first warning sign of attack is a loss of spiritual desire.

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Testimonies About CIR

The following are unsolicited, direct quotes from real people who have been ministered to by CIR. Though Jesus Christ, CIR impacts lives, saves lives and changes lives.

~*~

Thank you for the many many resources that have helped to benefit me greatly during a long period of recurring losses and depression. I know without a doubt that God led me to the CIR website, and the benefits received during my long membership will continue to be an invaluable gift of healing for myself, and others with whom I can share my uncovered strength and wisdom. Thank you CIR! ~Dolores

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If Children Live with _______. They Learn.

If children live with criticism
They learn to condemn

If children live with hostility
They learn to fight

If children live with fear
They learn to be apprehensive

If children live with pity
They learn to feel sorry for themselves

If children live with jealousy
They learn what envy is

If children live with ridicule
They learn to be shy

If children live with shame
They learn to feel guilt.

If children live with tolerance
They learn to be patient

If children live with encouragement
They learn to be confident

If children live with praise
They learn to appreciate

If children live with approval
They learn to like themselves

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The Card File

    This portrays in a vivid way how much Jesus loves us and how much he deserves our love.
    Be encouraged by it and pass it on, God bless!


In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features save for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endlessly in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read “Girls I Have Liked”. I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one.

And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn’t match.

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Do You Have a Broken Wing?

It is quite probable that someone reading my words this moment is fighting an inner battle with a ghost from the past. The skeleton in one of yesterday’s closets is beginning to rattle louder and louder. Putting adhesive tape around the closet and moving the bureau in front of the door does little to muffle the clattering bones. You wonder, possibly, “Who knows?” You think, probably, “I’ve had it… can’t win… party’s over.”

The anchor that tumbled off your boat is dragging and snagging on the bottom. Guilt and anxiety have come aboard, pointing out the great dark hulks of shipwrecks below. They busy themselves drilling worry-holes in your hull and you are beginning to sink. Down in the hold, you can hear them chant an old lie as they work: “The bird with the broken pinion never soared as high again. . . .”

Allow me to present a case in opposition to these destructive and inaccurate accusers. It may be true that you’ve done or experienced things which would embarrass you if they became public knowledge. You may have committed a terrible and tragic sin that was never traced back to you. You may have a criminal record or a moral charge or a domestic conflict that, to this moment, is private information.

You may wrestle with a past that has been fractured and wounded by a mental or emotional breakdown. Futile attempts at suicide may add to the previous scar tissue and increase your fear of being labeled “sick” or “nervous.” It is possible that you live with memories, covered now by the sands of time, of an illicit relationship or a financial failure or a terrible habit or a divorce or a scandalous involvement. You feel that any one of these things might mar or cripple your reputation if the dirty details ever spilled on the table of gluttonous gossipers.

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Knots Prayer – a Prayer for Strength

Dear God,
Please untie the knots in my mind, my heart and my life.
Remove the have nots, the can nots, and the do nots that I have in my mind.
Erase the will nots, may nots, might nots that may find a home in my heart.
Release me from the could nots, would nots and should nots that obstruct my life.

And most of all, Dear God, I ask that you remove from my mind, my heart and my life all of the “am nots” that I have allowed to hold me back, especially the thought that I am not good enough. In the name of Jesus I pray. Amen.

Now that I am ill, why does God seem to be so far away?

Now that I am ill, why does God seem to be so far away?

Regardless of how you feel, if you have accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, then He is right beside you. In Hebrews 13:5, we are reminded of a promise that God made,

“Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.”

Illness can often affect our emotions, and it is possible at times to feel very alone. You must believe that God will never break His promises to you.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

Another wonderful promise, the best one, I think, is found in Revelation 21:4:

“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

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Integrity: Watching What We Say

Integrity is as much what we say as what we do.

We have tried, in our culture, to separate what we say from what we do. “Do as I say, not as I do” is a phrase I heard periodically growing up. But the fact is, we are what we say. Our words, in fact, are often predictors of our actions and are certainly revealers of our hearts.

Proverbs 19:1 NRSV
Better the poor walking in integrity
than one perverse of speech who is a fool.

This proverb compares two people, one who “walks in integrity” without wealth and one who is “perverse in speech” and a fool. The inference, of course, is that the one who is perverse in speech has more material wealth than the other. The writer tells us that it’s better to be poor and have integrity than to be wealthy and a fool. And what makes a fool? Someone whose speech is perverse.

To be perverse means to turn away from what’s good and right. Think about that. Are our words good? Do they glorify the Lord? Or are they hurtful… or mean… or simply degrading? What are perverse words anyway?

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