CIR KBs

Christians in Recovery Knowledge Base article

Success Is… Grace

And of His fullness have all we received, and grace for grace.” John 1:16

As someone recovering from disordered image, food and weight issues, I’ve long wrestled with the perfection issue. There was a mandate, both self-imposed and emanating from others, to be perfect in behavior, achievement and appearance.

However, this last goal was the most frustrating and demoralizing.

As a child, I was overweight, inheriting my mother’s own negative body image perceptions. Later, throughout adolescence, I was bullied, teased and rejected.

And then, adding insult to injury, I felt I could never win when it came to my dad and his expectations.

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Finding It Hard to Forgive?

And forgive us our debts,
As we forgive our debtors.
Matthew 6:12

How many times do we pray this portion of what is commonly called “The Lord’s Prayer” and yet fail to consider what we’re asking? It is a petition, a request of God to forgive us – in the same manner and proportion in which we forgive others. Are you okay with that? Are you comfortable with receiving God’s forgiveness to the same extent that you give it to others?

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Optical Illusion: Liar?

Recently, on social media, I saw a brain teaser trending. It was an image that, at first glance, looked like a face. It stated, “Share when you see a word,” asking us to look beyond this face value.

And, upon doing so, at a certain angle, one can see a dotted “I” where the nose/nostril is, along with an “a” for the mouth and an “r” creating the chin and neck. And starting the entire face, there is an elaborate “L,” making up the two eyes.

So, when we spell the face, what word do we get?

Answer: liar.

The face of addiction, right there, ladies and gentlemen.

The old joke asks:
How do you tell if an addict is lying?
Answer: His/her lips are moving.

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When I am Ignored

It is so hard to share with someone seemingly endlessly with no fruit seeming to bear. I have been through this with various people — some regarding faith and others regarding recovery. They do not want to hear about God, the Bible or church. Or they are not interested in getting sober, getting out of that codependent/abusive relationship ior changing their life in any way. I believe it is a problem with their eyes not seeing and their ears not hearing.

It is not a matter of my not saying the right thing. The issue may be that it is not the right time.

I am sowing seeds on dry hard ground. (see: Mark 4:3-9 and Mark 4:10-20)

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“I don’t want to do this.”

Gethsemane: Code For… “I don’t want to do this.”

We’ve uttered that statement frequently in our lives.

This time of year, there’s a great deal of emphasis on Jesus. As we prepare for Resurrection Sunday, we read and remind ourselves just how this whole thing came to be: hope, salvation and reunion with God. It didn’t just happen.

And a large part of it depends on Gethsemane.

Yes, Jesus is amazing and loving. But He still had a night of decision. Hours away from being crucified, there was a real moment; He didn’t want to do it.

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Relief from the Anger

A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. Proverbs 15:1 KJV

A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife.Proverbs 15:18 KJV

The Bible gives us many references about the conditions and consequences of anger in our life and in the lives of people that we are in relationship with. When you can develop a way to manage the anger that has been pushed deep down in your heart and soul, life in recovery gets better.

Another consequence of addiction is that you use rage to express anger. Rage is a dangerous threatening condition that harms people and creates overwhelming fear. You can learn to express your anger without the rage. Anger is a feeling that is a part of the human experience. When you begin to express your anger without rage, you can break the cycle of rage as an expression of anger. Here are some tools that can help break the cycle. Rage is a distortion of reality.
In his book:
Addictive Thinking, Understanding Self-Deception

– by Abraham J. Twerski, M.D.

He says there are three phases of anger:

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Internalizing the Wrong Messages?

I’m a huge fan of classic cartoons. The Roadrunner, in particular, always makes me smile.

Recently, I stumbled across an image, featuring Wile. E. Coyote’s “calling card,” which read “Genius.” And it immediately reminded me of a famous Albert Einstein quote:

Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.

Internalizing the Wrong Messages? Read More »

My Spouse Drinks at Home, How Can I Cope?

Question: What if you’re in a position where the only place your spouse can safely drink is in your home? I have tried the detachment thing only to have my drunken partner stalk me around the house and badger me with his stupid behavior. He’s not physically violent but mentally abusive and I would like to ignore it but the words hurt. The only thing I can think of is an ultimatum to not drink in my house. Any suggestions would be helpful… and yes I do ignore him when he’s drunk at least 99% of the time… I can’t always do this when I’m being verbally attacked or things are being thrown around the house.

Guidance: The home is usually the only safe place for an alcoholic to drink for obvious reasons. You’re doing the right thing by trying to detach from the alcoholic behavior. Here are seven more ways to detach from abusive behavior. The best way to get the most from this marriage column is to click on all of the links that will lead you to another article.

Understand that most of what an alcoholic says when drunk they don’t really mean. The alcoholic is angry inside-they are holding in a lot of resentment and emotional demons that come out in angry words of abuse to whoever happens to be in earshot. The alcoholic is

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Tribulation and Faith

Even when we came into Macedonia our flesh had no rest,
but we were afflicted on every side:
conflicts without, fears within.
(2 Cor. 7:5 ESV)


Sometimes Christians get the wrong idea about faith. Knowing that only believers enter the celestial city, we put a great deal of importance on faith, and if it wavers, we become fearful. If we experience doubt, we wonder if our faith is failing – if, after all, we’re not Christians at all, or if we are, if we haven’t departed from the Lord and ceased to be such. I myself have been there – I won’t go into the details, but there was a time in the 80s when I seriously did wonder whether I’d ever been saved in the first place. My faith was under attack, and I grew afraid.

To some extent at least this grows out of a wrong idea of what faith is. Even the most knowledgeable Christians can sometimes make this mistake, believing that Biblical faith has something to do with our emotion state, or that it’s something we have to muster up from within ourselves. Let’s be sure of what faith is, and then attacks against our faith arise along this line, we’ll be better able to resist. There are two related Greek words we need to consider, one a noun and one a verb – pistiz and pisteuw (pistis, pisteuo). The noun means, “reliance upon, trust in, dependence on,” and of course the verb means “to rely on, to depend on, to trust.” Thus, when we have faith, or when we believe, we have that trust and dependence on Christ, we’re trusting Him and depending on Him. And it is important that we have the proper object of our faith. We must trust Jesus, Jesus entirely, and Jesus only. If we trust anyone or anything other than the Lord Christ, our faith is in the wrong object, and we’ll never see God. If we trust Jesus partly and something or someone else partly, we’re again not believing as the Bible demands, and we’ll come short of the heavenly city. Biblical faith has as its object Jesus alone and Jesus to the uttermost.

And it is here that some professing Christians miss the point.

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A Parable on Letting Go

Job 13:15 KJV
Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him.

A young man was walking in forest early one morning, enjoying the transition from night to day. As he walked, he began to meditate on the natural beauty of the woods and how God is all powerful.

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