Understand how to let go of emotions in productive ways. Remember there is always an underlying reason for deep-seated anger. Once you realize why you become angry, take the needed steps to heal yourself from within so you can be a better communicator and express yourself in productive ways rather than in violent ways. Pray about your anger. Sincerely ask God to help you understand better ways to express yourself and to not allow your emotions to control you.
When you feel yourself getting angry, don’t abuse your spouse with that anger. Go outside and run around the house ten times instead. Beat on a punching bag, or do fifty to a hundred pushups, but never hurt your spouse or loved ones with your emotions. Don’t bully your spouse around and make them walk on eggshells. Is that really what you want? There are far more productive ways to communicate your emotions.
After you have calmed down, think about what you would like to say to your spouse. Take several long, slow deep breaths and exhale slowly. What are you thinking about when you become filled with anger? How can you relate your anger into words? Even if you think it doesn’t make sense you need to express your thoughts. Learn to get your feelings out in the open so issues can be resolved. Don’t keep your feelings bottled up. Express yourself by writing a letter or by talking to yourself about your feelings. Talk to God about how you feel. He will listen to you but don’t expect an answer the way you want. God will guide your heart to do what is right, even if at the time you don’t think it seems right. When you expect a certain outcome that is when you will be disappointed, so then don’t expect. Follow the leading of the Holy Spirit rather than your own spirit. The flesh is weak but you can fight this battle and win!
Bottom line is it’s perfectly ok to feel anger. But it is not ok to abuse others with impulsive, violent emotions. Exercise: Write down on paper how you can assertively and productively express yourself in words rather than explode in a rage. Write down what you will say. Keep the paper handy, where you can see it and read it every day.
How can we stop being abusive with our spouse and be assertive instead? It’s easy once we learn a few simple communication techniques. When we are frustrated, disappointed, stressed, or angry what happens? We use our emotions in negative ways with our spouse. This causes a chain reaction and they become abusive back. But this kind of interaction between married couples does not resolve anything, but only makes things worse!
The truth is we can control our emotions and the way we express ourselves — we really can! We can grow away from the habit of using our emotions destructively and start using them constructively. I always say that emotions are ok to have as long as couples don’t verbally abuse one another with angry words and fist.
We have to get our feelings out somehow and so learning to be productive with our feelings is where to start.