Info & Help

Married to an Unbelieving Alcoholic

Ask Angie: My husband is an alcoholic. Although I have committed to staying with him, I can’t help but regard him with disgust even AFTER he’s been drinking. Thanks to the biblical principles you teach, I’m learning how to detach when he’s drinking, but in the days following a drinking binge I don’t feel any affection for him. In the early days of our marriage (we’ve been married 20 years), I was able to warm up to him once the drinking passed. Now I am just filled with disgust. Please give me some advice. Thank you.

Marriage Guidance: We commend you for your commitment to your marriage. This shows your love for God and your willingness to please Him and do His will. You are an inspiration for others who are living with an alcoholic spouse.

Your feelings are understandable seeing that some alcoholics can be sloppy in behavior and unclean in appearance and habits. The behaviors and appearance of the alcoholic can cause much resentment build up, which is what’s happening with you. You are just now learning to detach and part of detachment is separating the alcoholic behaviors and sickness from the person you met, loved and married. When we allow the alcoholic behaviors to overtake our own thoughts we will become disgusted and resentful over the alcoholic, even during bouts of sobriety.

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Another Look at Codependency

Some who work in the recovery field are hindered in their efforts to minister to others because of their own codependency. Here are a few common symptoms experienced by these “wounded warriors”:


Inability to detach. Staff members who lack personal acceptance and a good self concept tend to look to their clients for affirmation and a sense of worth. They take their work home with them and tend to feel terribly guilty and personally responsible when a client leaves the mission and messes up his or her life.

Caretaking & Enabling. They do not allow their clients to become responsible for their own actions and attitudes. Instead, they cover up for them, make excuses, and blameshift. By doing this, they become “enablers”, allowing people then to stay in their sins, addictions, and other problems.

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Organizing the Addiction Counseling Process – Part 5

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

In our last installment in this series we discussed, briefly, the importance of meeting the needs of each individual in the recovery program. To do this most effectively, a process of documentation is essential, using paper forms or computer-based data collection. In residential recovery programs for the homeless, it is also important to adopt a team approach to working with our clients.


    A. Developing a system of documentation.
    The essential elements include:

      Regularly updated recovery plans/contracts
      Daily progress notes
      Summaries of one-on-one counseling sessions

    When all of these elements are in place, supervisors can get a good picture of what each counselor or chaplain is doing with each of the individuals with whom he or she is assigned work. Besides serving as a measure of job performance, proper documentation makes it easier for another counselor to step in and keep working with the client if that is necessary. Good documentation provides a permanent record that can be accessed if the individual leaves the program and returns at a later date. And, it provides valuable information that may be used by other ministries or agencies that work with the client in the future.

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Organizing the Addiction Counseling Process – Part 4

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 5

Most rescue recovery programs for homeless addicts have no trouble filling up their beds. Yet, it is better to have a smaller program with committed participants than to have a large one filled with people who are not serious about changing their lives. A well-organized long-term recovery program is — “A planned, organized, and systematic delivery of services — using both internal and external resources– with the goal of meeting the unique needs of each individual.”

A 30-day “pre-program” can be instituted to serve as a trail period where prospective program members can demonstrate their commitment to recovery. Inevitably, this approach will promote stability in the long-term program by avoiding the turmoil that occurs when men and women come and stay for just a few days or weeks. A more consistent, serious group of people who can support one another on the road to recovery will surely develop.

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Organizing the Addiction Counseling Process – Part 3

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 4 | Part 5

Because they do not receive government and insurance monies, rescue missions that serve the homeless are not bound to strict time limits on the days of service they can render. There is no magic to 30-day, 90-day 120-day programs. These have always been set by the people who provided the dollars.

That’s why I recommend a program for homeless addicts that is based totally on accomplishing a set of treatment goals — instead of one based on the calendar. Still, there are some special considerations for the first 30 days of sobriety to which we need to pay special attention. If we make a special effort to help a newly recovering people through them, more of them will stay around longer and go forward in recovery. A “pre-program” program has definite advantages.

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Organizing the Addiction Counseling Process – Part 2

Part 1 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

In this installment, I would explore a very basic question; “Just what can we expect to accomplish in the life of a homeless addict during their stay at a rescue mission program?” The answer comes from recognizing some basic needs that need to be addressed so those we work can develop productive, satisfying sober lives.

The answer comes from recognizing some basic needs that need to be addressed so those we work can develop productive, satisfying sober lives. The goal of a written recovery plan is to set down these goals, in order of priority, and then develop a strategy for working through them while in the program. This plan, then, becomes the basic road map for the counseling process with the individual. Weekly one-on-one sessions should always begin with revisiting the written plan and discovering what progress has been made toward accomplishing its jointly agreed upon goals

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Organizing the Addiction Counseling Process – Part 1

Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

In the past thirty years of my work, I have had the opportunity to visit many facilities that help the homeless. When I see a man in a recovery program I like to ask, “How is he doing?” I usually just get a pat answer like, “Well, he’s been with us for six months.” The problem with this answer, of course is that a sober, healthy lifestyle is not automatically picked up just by hanging around the mission for a certain length of time.

The only way to really know is by keeping accurate written records that show how we are meeting the individual needs of the people in our programs. A formal needs assessment process is needed. The information that is gathered provides the foundation for a written recovery plan (or discipleship plan). The purpose of such a plan is to help program people think through their options, to identify their own needs, and to determine which specific actions they must take to get their needs met. To ensure maximum “buy in,” the plan should be developed with lots of input from counselees themselves.

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Emotions in Recovery: Anger

Beyond the emotionally tumultuous days of the first few weeks of sobriety, people in addiction recovery then move into a second phase of early recovery. As their mind and body begin to function on a more normal basis, a new crop of emotions begin to surface. Once of the first, and most important of these is anger.

A. Emotions are not moral

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When Things Look Bleak, Do You Still Trust God?

Genesis 50:10-20a NRSV
Joseph said to them, “Do not be afraid! Am I in the place of God? Even though you intended to do harm to me, God intended it for good.”

The story of Joseph is always amazing to me. I keep coming back, again and again, during different experiences in my life, to this particular verse and to the reality that was Joseph’s. You see, I’ve heard many preachers extol the honors that Joseph received, how he went from a slave to becoming Prime Minister of Egypt, second only to Pharaoh. But that’s not quite the entire story.

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