Step 4

The Danger of Complacency and Sin

Step 4 – Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

No struggling or praying will enable you to stop doing certain things, and the penalty of sin is that you gradually get used to it, until you finally come to the place where you no longer even realize that it is sin… The deadliest attitude of the Pharisees that we exhibit today is not hypocrisy but that which comes from unconsciously living a lie. ~ Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

Matthew 23:26 NASB
You blind Pharisee, first clean the inside of the cup and of the dish, so that the outside of it may become clean also.

God is always ready to forgive –
but we must never become complacent about sin and think it doesn’t matter. Rather, we must do whatever we can to avoid temptation and deal with sin when it happens.

God does not want us to take a neutral attitude toward sin.
Though He loves the sinner, He does not love sin. It is sin that separates man from God (Isaiah 59:1-2), yet He does not desire that any perish but that all should come to repentance (2 Peter 3:9).

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Step 4 – Profit and Loss Statement

As we all travel on this journey called life, we all have offended someone or we ourselves have been offended. Many hang onto to these offenses, as one would cling onto a priceless gem. They will quickly proclaim to all “I have the right to be mad, for you don’t know, what that person did to me.” And in a sense they are correct, they do have the right to hang unto the offense.

In the book of 1 Corinthians 10:23 we are told, “All things are lawful, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful, but not all things edify.”

You see we all have the legal right to be unforgiving, angry, or even bitter at the people who have done us wrong. But as the scripture says, “Not all things are profitable” In fact, an unforgiving heart is very unprofitable (disadvantaged) and does not edify, which means to be built up in faith, belief or knowledge.

Step 4 – Profit and Loss Statement Read More »

Honey Bear: Identifying the Idols in Our Lives

Most of us wouldn’t think twice about a honey bear.

And, likewise, most of us are familiar with the Biblical account of the golden calf the Israelites worshiped, just before Moses arrived with the Ten Commandments (Exodus 32:1-35). Impatient as they were, waiting for the blessings to hit their lives, they concluded if they created their own visible god, they’d be happier and finally have their dreams.

Eh… not so fast…

And that brings me to the innocuous honey bear. At first glance, I’d never view it as an idol. As a child, I remember it was there with the maple syrup and the strawberry jam, sitting on my family’s kitchen table. That’s all.

But, as I spiraled into my eating disorders, as I reached the paralyzing lows of anorexia and frantic desperation of bulimia, I turned to an off the wall strategy: the honey bear, or more specifically, arts and crafts with the honey bear.

Please bear (pun intended) with me.

As I was struggling with my eating disorders, painful issues and stressors on full blast, I had the idea to distract myself. Yes, that was my answer. If I could just keep myself occupied enough, I’d be okay.

So, after my college classes, I turned to a honey bear I emptied on one of my recent binges. I thought I’d do something creative with it and keep myself busy. I decided to spray paint the bear gold. That’s right, gold.

Honey Bear: Identifying the Idols in Our Lives Read More »

Managing Change Wisely

I recall hearing from a wise mentor once that, the definition of insanity was… “repeatedly doing the same thing the same way, whilst also expecting a different outcome.” Duh! For me, that was also a good definition of stuborness or willfulness. ROTF

C.onscious approach to daily living
H.opeful that the future is bright
A.cceptance of transitory nature of life
N.on-attachment and non-addiction leads to serenity
G.iving control over to a higher power.
E.xpecting only the best.

1. One of the most useful personal management skills today is that of managing personal change. In times of turbulence, many people are feeling scared and frustrated about their lives for a number of reasons.

2. We live in turbulent times no doubt, which makes managing change an important skill in today’s age. It takes knowledge and Work to be able to adapt to changes in life so you can stop worrying and start living more of your life.

3. Virginia Satir, a pioneer of family therapy, developed a Model of how individuals experience Change. The Satir Change Model says that as we cope with unexpected or significant Change, we predictably move through four stages: Late Status Quo, Chaos, Practice and Integration, and New Status Quo.

4. A lot of people don’t have goals other than working, errands, household chores and relaxing with family and friends. Of course there is nothing wrong with doing these things. If you are perfectly content with the structure and current direction of your Life, then don’t Change a thing.

5. It’s not enough that we have to deal with the normal Personal changes that we all go through in life, but these days we also have broader issues to contend with such as the global economy, the domestic economy (job loss, company closures), the environment, technology, and changing cultural values.

Managing Change Wisely Read More »

Have You Forgiven Yourself?

I remember the first time I forgave myself. It was about four years ago.

I had sinned greatly. Repented deeply. Did everything God called me to here. But I couldn’t escape the torment. The weight of the sin was crushing me. I didn’t know if I would survive. I didn’t understand why.

I went to a dear Christian girlfriend to confess. She listened carefully, prayerfully, and said, “You haven’t forgiven yourself.”

Have You Forgiven Yourself? Read More »

Why Am I Stuck In Unforgiveness?

I have been on this journey of forgiveness for quite a few years now, and this week, God showed me forgiveness was not at completion. Not for lack of trying, for sure. But still I am shocked at the length and depth of the process.

I do know that some things that God requires us to forgive will be a longer deeper process than other things. If we have been hurt by someone close to us, like a spouse, parent, child, or dear friend, or if the pain has been repeated and protracted, or if the tragedy occurred when we were a child or adolescent, or if the trauma was particularly heinous or the loss very profound, the process of forgiveness will be longer and require more of us.

Like you, I have a number of people and incidences to forgive. I will focus on just one offender right now for simplicity.

I started years ago with the first step of forgiveness: release. Releasing the offender to God.

“Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. Romans 12:19

Why Am I Stuck In Unforgiveness? Read More »

Are You Experiencing True Guilt or False Guilt?

We must differentiate between true guilt, and false guilt. Listen to how Paul differentiates between the two:

Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness; to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done.2 Corinthians 7:10-11


Before we investigate these types of guilt, I would like to give you an overview.

  • 1. True guilt. Corinthians calls this Godly sorrow in the NIV, or sorrow that is according to the will of God in the NASB.
  • 2. False guilt. Corinthians calls this worldly sorrow in the NIV, or sorrow of the world in the NASB.
    Within false guilt I see two categories:

      a. Deliberate pretended guilt.
      b. Imposed guilt. This is guilt that we, the world, and other people impose upon ourselves.

    • Let’s explore.

    Are You Experiencing True Guilt or False Guilt? Read More »

    Could You be a “Selfie?”

    All right, I admit it. I’m on social media- Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and of course, my website. In this modern culture, that’s the rule, not the exception. Virtually everyone I know is on social media – and even some of their pets, to boot. I certainly have posted my fair share of cat photos. It’s a bit ridiculous how many profile pics are floating out there. Some are obscene; some are funny. Some are glamorous and some are downright narcissistic.

    Yes, narcissism. Here we go. It’s an easy thing to get sucked into. In a world where promotion is the name of the game, how, exactly, does one navigate social media without a little (or a lot of, let’s be real) promotion of self?

    Could You be a “Selfie?” Read More »

    Are You Eyeing Some Envy?

    A sound heart is the life of the flesh: but envy the rottenness of the bones. Proverbs 14:30

    I love Sophia Loren; I love Jane Mansfield. So, when I saw a photograph of them together, the fan in me squealed. Perhaps you’re familiar with the image. It’s the two stars, seated together at a table at some Hollywood event. Sophia Loren’s eyes look off to the side, staring at Jayne Mansfield’s cleavage. Could this be, perhaps, an example of envy being photographed?

    We know both women are popular culture and beauty icons; they’re sex symbols. Ms. Loren, to this day, is an embodiment of exotic beauty. How many of us have unsuccessfully tried to achieve that dramatic “Sophia look,” only to poke ourselves in the pupil with the liquid eye liner?

    And, the late Ms. Mansfield’s ample bust, supposedly measuring anywhere from 40D to 46 D, is frequently mentioned and even compared to that of Marilyn Monroe’s figure. How many of us have stuffed our bras with tissue to look just like her? (Somehow, we never did).

    Are You Eyeing Some Envy? Read More »

    What Kind of Friend Am I ?

    Proverbs 17:17 NRSV
    A friend loves at all times,
    and kinsfolk are born to share adversity.

    Prior to the giving of the Holy Spirit (in the New Testament), those who followed the Lord (predominantly Israelites) had only the capacity for earthly love, not for heavenly or agape love since they loved out of their own ability and not through the spiritual ability of the Spirit. However, there were still higher standards of behavior given. In the Law, the Lord required:

    “You shall not hate in your heart anyone of your kin; you shall reprove your neighbor, or you will incur guilt yourself. 18 You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against any of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.” Leviticus 19:17-18 NRSV


    You shall love your neighbor as yourself. It was this law that was discussed by the lawyer and the Lord Jesus in Luke 10:

    What Kind of Friend Am I ? Read More »