Help My Unbelief
Our beliefs can either work for or against us.
Years ago, a life altering point in both my eating disorder recovery and my relationship with God involved the scripture, Mark 9:24:
“Lord, I believe. Help Thou my unbelief.”
It punctuated the state of my life. I didn’t think I could believe in who I was, in life and in God. My faith wasn’t “enough.”
Through my eating disorders, be it anorexia, bulimia or binge eating, I believed God hated me and was going to send me to hell. My perfectionistic thoughts had obliterated His grace. Increasing amounts of shame from my behaviors, which included theft and lying, made me reach a point of no return. I was “un-save-able.”
So, when I encountered Mark 9:24, it validated my struggles with doubt. That ninth chapter in Mark, uttered by a man, centuries earlier, sent the reassurance I needed. I was not the only person to ever think this way. And before Mark 9:24’s zinger, there was the set up scripture of the twenty-third verse:
Jesus said unto him, “If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.”
Ordinarily, this would have caused me to despair. If Jesus was telling me it was solely up to me to “believe right,” then, let’s face it, I’m a goner.
But again, centuries ago, He responded to another doubting person. Mark 9:24 was this man’s only comeback.