Sex

Counseling Concerns For Women

  1. A special strategy for people with drug and alcohol problems is essential
    Addicts have special needs that the “garden variety” sinner does not have. They can be identified by using a standard alcohol screening test during the intake process. Then we can help them to get into an active program of recovery using such activities as support groups, addiction therapy, educational activities, etc. Use community resources if the shelter’s staff does not have expertise in this area. Addiction is a primary issue, so all other help giving will amount to nothing if the person cannot stay sober.

  2. The Issue of Toxic Shame
    By definition, “toxic shame” is an inner sense of being defective, faulty, unlovable, undeserving, unredeemable and hopeless. It is root problem for addicts, codependents and people from dysfunctional families. Most adults in family shelters fall into at least one of these categories. Toxic shame is the “glue” that holds the wall of denial together and prevents hurting people from accepting the help we offer them. They think – “If I admit I have problems, it proves that I am a worthless, useless human being.” Addiction leads to a total deterioration of a person’s moral life leading to a destructive mix of toxic shame and guilt. The Bible tells us that admitting our problems is not an admission of hopelessness or defectiveness. Instead, it is the key to forgiveness, freedom from our pasts and a new self-image.

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Homosexuality: The Root Problem, Repentence and Growth

See Part 1: What is Homosexuality?
See Part 2: Common Myths about Homosexuality
See Part 3: How Do Homosexual Attractions Develop?
See Part 4: What Does Homosexuality Provide?
See Part 5: The Root Problem, Repentence and Growth
See Part 6: What is a Friend to Do? & References

WHAT IS THE ROOT PROBLEM?
There is no doubt that those entangled in the web of homosexuality have troubled hearts that are scarred with relational disappointments, misunderstandings, and assaults. As significant as these are, they do not represent the fundamental problem within homosexuality.

The root problem is the same as the source of any immoral, idolatrous thought or behavior. At the deepest levels, homosexual relationships reflect our demand to live life on our own terms. Even when convinced that our ways are wrong, we scratch and claw for autonomy. With two-fisted independence, we ignore the God who designed us to find rest and completeness in Him. Homosexuality is one of many ways to suppress the truth about the One who created us to find our life in Him.

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What Does Homosexuality Provide?

See Part 1: What is Homosexuality?
See Part 2: Common Myths about Homosexuality
See Part 3: How Do Homosexual Attractions Develop?
See Part 4: What Does Homosexuality Provide?
See Part 5: The Root Problem, Repentence and Growth
See Part 6: What is a Friend to Do? & References

People who are hurt and angry, and who feel insecure and out of place as males or females, come to see homosexual activity as a means of finding relief, securing safety, and taking revenge. It rarely starts out this way. But once they get a taste of what homosexuality provides, they’re hooked. As they start to pursue more of what they’ve stumbled across, they begin to believe that what homosexuality provides is necessary and deserved.

Finding Relief.
Many who engage in homosexual activity find it to be a way of getting the love and acceptance they didn’t receive from their same-sex parent and/or peers. They hope to gain a sense of completeness and relief to the aching void in their souls. They describe the period just before and during homosexual activity as a time when something gels inside or falls into place in a way that touches their emptiness. As one man described it, “I am trying to put something right in myself, something I didn’t get as a child.”22

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How Do Homosexual Attractions Develop?

See Part 1: What is Homosexuality?
See Part 2: Common Myths about Homosexuality
See Part 3: How Do Homosexual Attractions Develop?
See Part 4: What Does Homosexuality Provide?
See Part 5: The Root Problem, Repentence and Growth
See Part 6: What is a Friend to Do? & References

People do not change simply by gaining more insight into how same-sex attractions develop. But a deeper understanding can be an important first step.

No one develops homosexual attractions in exactly the same setting. Nor can we put into words all that’s involved for every individual. Yet those who tell their stories often report a few common themes that seem to make a person susceptible to developing homosexual attractions. These themes frequently center around parent-child relationships, peer interactions, and childhood sexual abuse.

This is not to suggest that all of these themes exist or occur to the same degree in every case. Nor are they the only factors that contribute to homosexual attraction. Nevertheless, they appear to be the major contributing influences.

It’s noteworthy to point out that factors such as genetics and hormones may cause some to be born with certain physical traits that may make them more susceptible to the formation of same-sex attractions, but these are indirect factors. They don’t assure that a person will develop homosexual attractions any more than a person who is tall and agile will develop an interest in playing basketball.15 Furthermore, these factors are minor in comparison to the following:

Parent-child Relationships.
The potential for enormous benefit and harm exists in every parent-child relationship. Many who struggle with homosexual attraction report that their childhood relationships with their same-sex parent and/or opposite-sex parent was a time of great disappointment and rejection.

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Homosexuality: What is a Friend to Do? and References

See Part 1: What is Homosexuality?
See Part 2: Common Myths about Homosexuality
See Part 3: How Do Homosexual Attractions Develop?
See Part 4: What Does Homosexuality Provide?
See Part 5: The Root Problem, Repentence and Growth
See Part 6: What is a Friend to Do? & References

Jesus was a friend of sinners.

As His followers, we need to consider what it means to be involved as friends in the battle for the souls of people. If we want to be friends to those who struggle with homosexuality, we first need to be open to the fact that there are many forms of lustful struggles going on below the surface of life, including homosexuality.

A friend or family member’s struggle with homosexuality surprises and frightens far too many Christians. Many feel shocked and afraid, and typically withdraw. At best, some recommend counseling or encourage them simply to stop. In either case, they miss the core issues of pain and sin.

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Common Myths about Homosexuality

Today we are confronted with several myths that cloud the truth about homosexuality. In the following section, we will look at some of these myths and evaluate their arguments.

MYTH #1–People are born homosexual.
In recent years, some have claimed that homosexual orientation is biologically and genetically determined in the same way that eye or hair color is fixed. While genetic influences and predispositions may contribute to any unwanted behavior, it is important that we aren’t misled by research alleging that homosexuality is genetic or inborn. A few scientific studies, two in particular, have been trumpeted as the basis for such a claim. Dr. Simon LeVay conducted a study in 1991 on the brains of 41 cadavers. The cadavers consisted of 19 homosexual men, plus 16 men and 6 women presumed to be heterosexual. He reported that a cluster of neurons in a distinct section of the brain were generally smaller in the homosexual men as compared to the heterosexual men. As a result, he hypothesized that the size of these neurons may cause a person to be either heterosexual or homosexual.6

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Homosexuality and The Bible: What is Homosexuality?

Defining Homosexuality
Homosexuality is a persistent preoccupation with erotic encounters involving members of the same sex, which may or may not be acted out with another person. Put another way, it is making deliberate plans to entertain and cooperate in sexual fantasies or behaviors with someone of the same sex. Homosexuality is vastly different from questioning our sexual orientation because of the presence of occasional same-sex attractions. Having the attractions are obviously part of the struggle, but they are not something for which we are morally responsible. It’s when we begin planning to entertain the attractions in fantasy or behavior that we cross the line.

Secondary Problems

The following is a description of some additional disabling struggles that are regularly associated with homosexuality.

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Surrender

Driving down the freeway your left rear tire explodes.You gently pull to the side of the road to exit and see what happened. You begin to check to see why it popped.

STOP.

The problem with most of humanity is that reason right there. In the end, it doesn’t matter what popped the tire. It doesn’t matter that if you were in the other lane, you could of avoided it. It doesn’t matter that you will now be late. And it doesn’t matter when you say, ” I knew I should of called in”. Why? Because none of those things actually happened.

Work on the solution. Take it off, and fix it. There is nothing in this world that is good, nor bad that you can prevent. For there is only rules one can live by, for which when done, makes you accept when the unpreventable happens.

How many of you would go back and change an event in your life? Let’s say one would change their academic career. For which the only reason I can think of would be to have a better job, and obtain more money. They are not living by the rules given. Money is absolutely nothing. It buys fake rules for which leads people to think it is something. Money creates man to believe you can prevent. Money can not make one go back and prevent your flat tire. It can only buy you a new one. It can not make you sober, only get you into places that try to help get you sober. False: money controls people places and things. Fact: people places and things allow money to control them. Other examples are such; I would of not married that person, I would have said bye to my father before he died. I would of never used. I would of answered the phone. I would of been kinder. Would, should, could. Words I will never understand.

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Who Are You Serving?

Then Samuel told the whole house of Israel, “If you’re returning to the Lord with all your heart, then remove the foreign gods and the Ashtaroth from among you, direct your hearts back to the Lord, and serve him only. Then he will deliver you from the control of the Philistines.” 1 Samuel 7:3, NET Bible

I have to look seriously at who – or what – I am serving. For I can be easily deceived if I am not regularly submitting myself to the Lord my God.

There are many things I can serve in this world, none of which honour Jesus: I can serve money, other people, addictions to various substances or activities – I can even serve an addiction to people if what they think of me, or if their opinion, is more important to me than His opinion or what the Lord thinks of me.

Something else that I can become a servant to is my emotions. It is so easy for me to become overwhelmed by my feelings, and when I do, I can begin to quickly bow down to them. When anger rears its ugly head in me, it is all too natural for me to lash out at my husband or the nearest loved one to me. However, the Lord says in His Word:

A gentle answer turns away wrath,
but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1, NIV84

When I feel discouraged and overwhelmed by a task that is before me, it is simple for me to say, “I just can’t do this!” But the Word of the Lord speaks differently:

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When We Run From God

When we struggle with addiction or any other challenge, we may say and do things we wouldn’t normally. We may choose to disobey God as Jonah did in the Old Testament.

When we run from God, we have preferred our own will instead of God’s.

The storm will come as it did for Jonah. Our storm may not be a physical raging sea, but it could be raging emotions, a storm in our marriage, rebellious children, financial chaos, loss of a job, or foreclosure of our home.

If our children rebel, we don’t stop loving them. They can still turn to us, their parents for love and support, and we’ll give them both.

In the same way when we find ourselves discouraged or convicted about sin in our lives, we can turn to God. No matter what we’ve done, God loves us with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3).

In speaking of God, 2 Peter 3:9 (NIV) says, He is patient with you not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.

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