Relationships

Are You Armed and Ready?

Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. Ephesians 6:11


Once I admitted my issues with control, trust, retail therapy, and co-dependency, I found the love of God waiting for me. Since I had not previously walked the Christian walk, I had a lot to learn. I am an overachiever and a perfectionist by nature, so naturally I wanted to know as much as I could in a relatively short period of time.

I dove in head first into studying God’s Word. I prayed without ceasing. I thanked Jesus on a daily basis for saving me. I did everything right, right?

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Dealing with Tragedy

One day after visiting the grave of my brother, I began to stroll through the cemetery and found the grave of woman whom I had grown up with. Not only was she buried there but also her teenage son. As I stood there reflecting on what could of went wrong in their lives, I noticed as two car loads of young men parked and exited their vehicles. I waited for a few seconds as the men stood behind me and then I turned and ask them “Was this someone’s mother? One of the men stepped forward and said “No, her son was our friend.” My response was “I see.” Then I proceeded to share with them that I had grown up in the same Santa Ana, CA neighborhood as the mother and began to mention names of her family members.

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Overcoming Co-dependency and Attempting to Control

“Behold, I am going to send an angel before you to guard you along the way and to bring you into the place which I have prepared.” Exodus 23:20


I have a problem. Realizing I have a problem was not easy for me. From the outside looking in, I’ve always been the girl who had it all together. I had a plan and nothing would veer me away from it. Control over people, situations, and outcomes is the tool I used to cope with my deep problem. Shopping and racking up debt is how I covered up my emptiness.

Step one of my recovery journey began with admitting I have a problem with co-dependency and controlling others. I admitted I am powerless over my addictions, brokenness and sinful patterns—that in my own power my life is unmanageable.

I’ve not always walked the Christian walk. Days passed by without me giving much thought to how God figured into my life. Years came and went without prayer, obedience, or thankfulness. A Bible sat on a bookshelf gathering dust. Instead, I concerned myself with my expectations of others. This, of course, only led to disappointments. I constantly searched for material “stuff” to fill the gaping hole in my heart. The thrill of the sale item or shiny new thing lasted only a short time, then I was back feeling empty again.

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Phyical, Spiritual & Sexual Abuse Workshop Transcript #4 (of 4)

Transcript for Session #1
Transcript for Session #2
Transcript for Session #3

Heavenly Father….
we thank You for Dvora who has put so much work into this workshop….
we ask Your mighty blessings upon her and her teachings today….
open our hearts, spirits and minds to the Biblical truths you would have us learn…..
Bring healing to everyone who comes here today…..
in the name of Jesus we pray. Amen.

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Phyical, Spiritual & Sexual Abuse Workshop Transcript #3 (of 4)

Transcript for Session #1
Transcript for Session #2
member #1 member #2 would you like to open us in prayer today?

member #2 sure
Gracious God
thank You for Divora and her willingness to share her journey with us
we are not made to struggle alone
and CIR helps with that so much
bless this time together
may we leave here with more than we came with
in Your name
amen

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Phyical, Spiritual & Sexual Abuse Workshop Transcript #1 (of 4)

Transcript for Session #2

I would like to welcome everyone to the Spiritual, Emotional & Sexual Abuse Workshop. DvoraElisheva is our leader today. She is joining us from Israel.

Being raised in a Christian home did not protect Dvora Elisheva from physical, spiritual, or sexual abuse. As an adult, her memories were more like short video clips with significant parts of the plot missing. In 1982 she moved to Israel. She became friends with a Vietnamese-Chinese family that had found refuge in Israel during the Vietnam war. This led to her 20+ years of work amongst Chinese students, teaching English using the Bible as a textbook.

After having built up a successful life in Israeli hi-tech and within her spiritual community she met her husband over the Internet in 2006. They married in 2007 and she relocated to the US to be with him and a new ready-made family. In 2010 her husband died and in 2011 Dvora returned to Israel.

Well-acquainted with grief and loss, Dvora has been transplanted back and forth between America and Israel, is a Messianic Jew living in a land that views such faith as a betrayal, and plays an active role in a Chinese church in Israel.

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Are You a Slave of Fear?

“…We have heard a voice of trembling, of fear, and not of peace.” Jeremiah 30:5


“Fear” is spoken of over 500 times in the Bible. So, to me, that signifies it’s a topic worth noting.

I believe the 1980’s science fiction film, “Bladerunner” makes a powerful statement on fear.

There are various discussions about the story and the complexity of the Roy Batty character in particular. He’s often viewed as the villain. But, if we dig deeper, perhaps there’s more to the story.

Batty is a kind of futuristic robot who has an expiration date of four years. This tactic is implemented to ensure that, in the event a robot develops troublesome feelings, emotions and agendas, humanity is safeguarded by the possible destruction the robot could cause.

However, Roy Batty has apparently experienced these turbulent human emotions firsthand; hence, he is viewed as that much-feared threat to human beings.

Therefore, the “bladerunner,” a robot killer for hire, is assigned the task of destroying him before it’s too late.

And, after Batty’s rampage and search for knowledge about his existence, he eventually shares his observation on fear.

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Charles Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol” and the 12 Steps

Charles Dickens’ 1843 novel, A Christmas Carol is the famous tale of Ebenezer Scrooge, an old miser who is visited by spirits representing the past, present and future. The novel, while set during the Christmas season, is a story of redemption. It’s a wakeup call. It’s a lesson on making amends. And it has the Twelve Steps all over the place.

Steps 4-12 heavily involve the “other” of wronged people in our lives, hurt by our destructive choices. They speak to our rebellion of the changed life we need to experience.

4. We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

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Relationships & Codependency

If you are having problems in a relationship, you may want to consider and ask yourself these questions:

    1. Does this person respect me?

    2. Is this a person I can really communicate with?

    3. Do we resolve conflicts well?

    4. Do we both compromise in a healthy give and take?

    5. Do we both take responsibility for the relationship’s successes and problems?

    6. Is there room for me to grow and change in this relationship?

    7. Am I able to reach my own goals within this relationship?

    8. Can I be honest and share my true feelings?

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Marriage: Change of Attitude = Change of Heart

How can we concentrate more on the blessings of our marriage? How can we discover the goodness in the person we married? By focusing on what brings contentment and happiness. For instance, just a simple switch in attitude can make a person have more compassion for the person they married. We have to stop believing in the lies we hear.

The world likes to feed gullible people things that aren’t true. Some people are susceptible to these untruths because they want to believe them. I wanted to believe them and I did believe them. We want answers to our marriage problems and we’ll practically listen to anyone who has something to say that we want to hear. Anything that will provide the validation we need for our own rotten actions. Over time, believing in the lies of the world builds an unhealthy attitude in us. I receive emails from women who actually believe that their husband committed adultery because of something they did or didn’t do. This is a lie generated from the world. It is incorrect.

Unhealthy attitudes keep us stuck and trapped in our sins. Our sins are whatever we live for and whatever is controlling us. Unhealthy attitudes steer us away from God’s love and into the follies and sinfulness of the world. But if we are following Jesus than we are truly free from the lies of the world. God’s children do not search for their answers from the world. That is what those who have no understanding do. They believe in the lies of the world and that is why they are often referred to as blind. Wisdom comes from God because God is wisdom.

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