First of all let me say this, I don’t condone adultery. And just because it is forgivable by God, if a spouse repents and turns from their sin, doesn’t make it justifiable in any way shape or form. Infidelity always hurts someone and causes much unneeded animosity between couples. It’s best to be healthy minded spiritually and mentally so you won’t be tempted by lustful desires in the first place. But unfortunately many Christians today are not keeping as spiritually fit as they should.
I keep reading in various articles and in marriage self-help books that the reason a spouse cheats is because of something the other spouse did or didn’t do? But this is incorrect information. To blame one spouse for the sexual indiscretions of the other only gets the cheater off the hook, so to speak. What a web of deceit we can weave. It’s wrong folks.
Couples spend hundreds, and sometimes thousands of dollars listening to a stranger tell them what is wrong with their marriage. But if the marriage does not have the proper foundations established for it in the first place, none of it matters! What is important is getting to the root of the issues facing couples today in their marriage, not arguing over who is right or wrong.
Did you know that throughout the bible Jesus teaches us about principled acts of love? What are principled acts of love and are we living by principled acts of love for our life now? Sometimes we have to do what is right rather than what feels good. If we only do what feels good and what we want, we’re not going to be very popular with others, especially the person we married. This kind of marriage will be heading straight for divorce court, won’t it? Some of the wrong attitudes we have, and how they can lead us to sinfulness is carried out in our actions, which can cause problems in our relationships.
I grew up in the 70’s and 80’s when parents still told their kids to go outside and play. My friends and I would spend all day in the yard and when we got hot and sweaty enough we’d run to the back patio, open the water spigot on the side of the house and get down on our hands and knees so we could get low enough to turn our mouths up for a drink of water that splashed all over our faces and down our necks. In the evenings I remember seeing my parents shaking their heads as they watched the oil crises in the 1970’s unfold on the nightly news. Gas prices skyrocketed to 73 cents a gallon! “Turn it off,” my mother would say to my dad. “Good grief! The wheel’s are coming off but they make it sound like the world’s ending.”
Ask Angie: I am finding it hard to trust my husband again. We’ve been married for 31 years. this Valentine’s day and in year 28 I found out he was heavily into drugs, which he now claims to be free of, but I still have a hard time believing him because of the extent he wants to hide his use. All the lies, deceit, and now the unwillingness to discuss it with me, leaves me with many unanswered questions.
What does love have to do with recovery? EVERYTHING! Easily a book could be written on this subject but I only have a few lines, so here goes.
Lack of self-love results in a tremendous amount of inner pain. Low self-esteem often leads people to look to sources outside of themselves for the love that they do not feel for themselves. This can result in “looking for love in all the wrong places” like same sex relationships, drugs, abusive relationships, codependent relationships, eating too much, alcohol, improper sexual relationships, etc. Or one might try medicating the pain with drugs, alcohol, food, gambling, etc.
Those who are dealing with Sex, Love & Porn Addiction (SLA) and/or Same Sex Attraction (SSA) often believe that God has abandoned them.
There is an incredible tug of war within. One side of the individual wants desperately to do God’s Will while the other side aches for intimacy. Inner turmoil reigns between passion and Godly living. It is easy to feel as if one is drowning in a sea of emotions and no help is on the horizon. It seems an endless struggle with no where to go for consolation and strength. One feels a victim of addiction and/or attraction. Frustration leads to feelings of futility. This futility kindles feelings of self-hatred and guilt as well as anger at God.
The following questions and their answers link to the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association (BGEA) web site. This does not imply an endorsement of BGEA and its related ministries by CIR or visa versa.
Will I ever get over the affair my husband had a long time ago?
Though it may not seem to be true, with God’s help, you can get past this. I can imagine how hurt and angry you must feel every time you pick at the scab of this wound. But, it is time to let this one heal.