Self-Esteem

The Under-Discussed Damage of Spiritual Abuse (Part 1)

This is a two part article. See: Part Two

When someone mentions the term, “spiritual abuse” today, sexual molestation of a child often comes to mind. We have too many accounts of priests, pastors and Sunday school teachers preying on the children in their care. And yes, sadly, that is spiritual abuse.

But this kind of abuse can also take on a more subtle form as well. Its definition hinges on the manipulation of power enforced by a spiritual authority figure, with the abused party feeling helpless and coerced.

Children, of course, spring to mind as the most vulnerable. But the net spreads wider.

And a heartbreaking reality emerges: loving God does not exclude us from being hurt, even in the seemingly Godly setting of church. We are all susceptible when it comes to spiritual abuse.

“…Many spiritual abuse victims find themselves struggling to make decisions, and may even have a hard time disciplining themselves to do basic everyday functions such as getting out of bed and brushing their teeth. For so long, we allowed the group/leader to think for us, formulate our opinions for us, and make decisions for us. No wonder so many of us struggle for many years learning how to find ourselves again after leaving a spiritually abusive situation…”
“Spiritual Identity Crisis?” www.churchabuse.com
Used with permission.

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A Time Comes in Your Life When You Finally “Get It”

A time comes in your life when you finally get it. When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shutter once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening.

You realize that it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for, happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact she is not Cinderella and you are not Prince charming , and that in the real world there aren’t always fairy tale endings or beginnings for that matter, and;

That any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you. And in the process, a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect, and that not everyone will always love,

Appreciate or approve of who or what you are and that’s OK. They are entitled to their own Views and opinions).

And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself, and …sense of newly found confidence is born — of “self-approval.”

You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn’t do for you) – And you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say, and that

Not everyone will always be there for you, and that it’s not always about you. So, you

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Do You Overindulge During the Holidays?

I cracked up when I saw this image, stating, “This is me, thinking about Thanksgiving.”

When you sit to dine with a ruler,
note well what is before you,
and put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony.
Do not crave his delicacies,
for that food is deceptive. Proverbs 23:1-3

We’re in the sea of overindulgence holidays. We’re polishing off the Halloween candy; now we’re headed into the choppy waters of Thanksgiving. And then there’s more fun: Christmas and Hanukkah, followed by the reinvention promise of New Year’s.

My raft is overturned.

Admit it, these holidays are raging seas for our appetites.

We often struggle not to drown.

For, we often believe the lie of the satisfied appetite.

Being this long in the game with my own issues, I’m learning that, when it comes to our tricky carnal natures, there’s no such thing. When it comes to matter of the appetite, the name of the game is more, more, more! And then some more piled on top of that! There! That’ll fix everything! That’ll make everything all better!

So, we consume whatever, however and in whatever amounts we desire.But it’s all deceptive; the appetite we struggle with seems to act as a spiritual barometer. It registers as our chosen God substitute. And, because it is only a substitute, a counterfeit attempt, at best, it never fulfills us. So, what’s the answer we choose if we’re not careful? Gimme more!

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Deception and Recovery

“You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.” Deuteronomy 5:20

The cute social media post thing strikes again. I came across this fluff ball the other day:

“Nope, I haven’t seen your lipstick.”

Adorable. Humorous. Human.

Indeed, this deceptive attempt at convincing did not start with our adorable pup. Rather, we need to look at history, a little further back. Let’s peek in on a power couple.

Once upon a time, there was Ananias and Sapphira…Acts 5:1-11

Now a man named Ananias, together with his wife Sapphira, also sold a piece of property.

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Mistaking Addiction For Happiness?

Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. Proverbs 4:23

“Frankenstein” author, Mary Shelley’s quote recently stopped me in my tracks:
By The Man in Question - Frankenstein's monster (Boris Karloff).jpg

No man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks.

You could insert the word “addiction” in place of “evil,” and you’d have a fitting portrait of the chaotic addict.

For whether or not we understand it, face it or change it, the happiness lure is synonymous with our own addiction-prone hearts. We have more in common with Dr. Frankenstein and his obsessions than is flattering to admit.

We are creatures of what we treasure in our hearts.

“For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. Matthew 6:21; Luke 12:34

If we apply Shelley’s quote directly to our dear scientist, we see how he has viewed the creation of life in a laboratory as his happiness, as “the good he seeks.” This was his addiction. So consumed, he did bring to life a creation compiled of assembled cadavers. A little electricity and presto! We have our grotesque monster.

His frantic behavior is not far removed from us, in the grips of our own personal addictions.

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Where Does Your “Precious” Lead You?

The character, Gollum, in J. R. R. Tolkien’s “The Lord of the Rings,” is a study in addiction and its pitfalls.

This creature was obsessed with the powerful properties of a much-desired ring. Transfixed, he often referred to it as “my precious.” This preoccupation, over time, led to his changed, grotesque form; it also contributed to both his torment and his tragedy.

The story portrays Gollum as a struggling being who had “come to love and hate the Ring, just as he loved and hated himself.” His unfortunate fate inevitably followed. Upon finally seizing the ring, he fell into a volcano’s fires. Both he and his “precious” were destroyed.

Now, how’s that for a cautionary tale?

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Seven Ways to Overcome Negative Body Image

Airbrushing is an all too common technique used in the fashion and beauty industries. In our current cultural landscape, you and I would be hard pressed to find a magazine cover which is not “retouched” in some way.

In 2003, actress Kate Winslet was quite vocal about her airbrushed body. She speaks of her experience with “GQ Magazine,” along with their choice to feature her manipulated image on its cover…

“The retouching is excessive. I do not look like that and more importantly I don’t desire to look like that. I can tell you they’ve reduced the size of my legs by about a third.”

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Binge Eating Disorder: A Male Football Face

“At least one out of every ten people with an eating disorder is a man or a boy, yet most people still think of eating disorders as women-only.” ~ Eating Disorder Referral and Information Center


American football had some startling news this autumn season. In early October, player, Joey Julius discussed his departure from Penn State football last spring and summer on Facebook; his reason given was his struggle with binge eating disorder.

The Nittany Lions’ kicker wrote on his page…

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What’s Your Label?

“Once you label me you negate me.” ~ Soren Kierkegaard

What do you want to be called?

As a wheelchair user, I encounter this question more than most folks. Sometimes it’s directed toward me personally, but more often it comes up in an article or interview. The question-behind-the-question is really “How can we label you in the least offensive manner?”

Of course I have my own sarcastic answer …

#2

But the question-behind-the-answer is “Why do I need a label?”

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Celebrating Our Peculiar Selves

Scripture tells us we are to be a peculiar people:

But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. 1 Peter 2:9


And, most of the time, that doesn’t seem to stack up well against our limited definitions of beauty.

Yes, we have opened up more variance with image, reflecting multicultural, unique features. Still, we often seem to like to fall back on what is widely known, accepted and comfortable. Ergo, for example, tall, thin, blue eyes, blonde hair, on Caucasian skin tones.

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