Women

The Dress We Obsess About (Eating Disorders)

Two words can strike fear and unrealistic expectations for many of us ladies out there.

The dress.

It’s probably a safe bet to say there has been at least one which has plagued us. It may be that prom dress, eradicating high school awkwardness. It may be the fairytale torture known as the perfect wedding dress, transforming us into the bride to end all brides. It may also be any variety of special occasion dresses: the high school reunion show stopper, the special event evening gown, created to dazzle or the pageant dress, guaranteeing us a tiara.

The dress. The notorious, nail biting, nerve-wrecking, insanity creating dress. Been there? If not, be patient, you probably will be.

There have been a lot of desperate diets and exercise regimes plotted, all in the name of the big dress. We push, pull, cinch, torture, starve and manipulate ourselves into all kinds of predicaments. Like when I was a bridesmaid at my cousin’s wedding.

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Are You the Victim of a Bully?

I once thought a bully was a big kid shaking down a weaker kid for lunch money.

Now I know bullies are adults, too. They’re bosses, parents, teachers, spouses, neighbors, pastors, celebrities, and pro athletes. A bully is an insecure person who uses physical or emotional violence, or the threat of such violence, to exert power and control over others.

I can’t think of anything positive about bullies or their actions.

The bully hasn’t learned how to get what he needs—affirmation, love, self-worth—in authentic relationships, so he resorts to violence and threats. Bullies aren’t “real men” or “strong women.” They’re weak or unskilled in relationships, so they compensate with bravado.

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Special Counseling Concerns for Women

1. A special strategy for people with drug and alcohol problems is essential
Addicts have special needs that the “garden variety” sinner does not have. They can be identified by using a standard alcohol screening test during the intake process. Then we can help them to get into an active program of recovery using such activities as support groups, addiction therapy, educational activities, etc. Use community resources if the shelter’s staff does not have expertise in this area. Addiction is a primary issue, so all other help giving will amount to nothing if the person cannot stay sober.

2. The Issue of Toxic Shame
By definition, “toxic shame” is an inner sense of being defective, faulty, unlovable, undeserving, unredeemable and hopeless. It is root problem for addicts, codependents and people from dysfunctional families. Most adults in family shelters fall into at least one of these categories. Toxic shame is the “glue” that holds the wall of denial together and prevents hurting people from accepting the help we offer them. They think – “If I admit I have problems, it proves that I am a worthless, useless human being.” Addiction leads to a total deterioration of a person’s moral life leading to a destructive mix of toxic shame and guilt. The Bible tells us that admitting our problems is not an admission of hopelessness or defectiveness. Instead, it is the key to forgiveness, freedom from our pasts and a new self-image.

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Jairus’ Daughter – a Bible Story that Sparked My Eating Disorder Recovery

Could a simple Bible story spark eating disorder recovery? Well, for me, it did. The account of Jairus’ daughter, found in Mark 5:35-43, became the catalyst to hope, life, freedom, and yes, my recovery. I chronicle my eating disorder odyssey, recovery included, in my book, “Thin Enough: My Spiritual Journey Through the Living Death of an Eating Disorder.” From this scriptural passage, I encountered tangible proof that God’s Word was relevant and applicable. I learned some good news, all right.

Nothing’s too difficult; no one’s too impossible for God.
I saw that in Jairus’ daughter. I have, likewise, seen it in my own life, as well as the lives of others. And this simple Bible story is now a declaration of hope to all young girls and women, dealing with eating disorders, food, weight and body image issues. You, too, can arise!

    “Little girl, I say unto you, arise.” Mark 5:41

I had done and been so many horrible things. As far as I was concerned, I was on my way to hell. But I couldn’t shake the thoughts of this story. Was there hope that I wasn’t doomed after all?

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Women & Substance Abuse

  • Although women drink less than men, the number of women who do drink is significant. Estimates indicate that of the 15.1 million people who abuse alcohol or are alcohol-dependent, 4.6 million are women. That means that roughly one-third of alcoholics are women.
  • The number of women who report using illicit drugs is alarming, although women are less likely to use illicit drugs than men. Five percent of women and 8 percent of men report having used illicit drugs during the last 30 days.

  • In 1989, 43 percent of drug abuse patients admitted to emergency rooms were female and 56 percent were male.
  • Cigarette use among women has decreased at the rate of about 1 percent each year since 1985. Use during the last 30 days by women was at 24.2 percent in 1990, down from a 1985 figure of 28.1 percent.
  • Women who drink heavily or are alcoholic are more likely to become victims of the alcohol-related aggression of others, such as date rape.
  • Drinking varies among women of different racial or ethnic backgrounds. African American women were more likely to abstain from drinking alcohol (66.9 percent) than White women (52.6 percent) during the month prior to their interview.

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Counseling Concerns For Women

  1. A special strategy for people with drug and alcohol problems is essential
    Addicts have special needs that the “garden variety” sinner does not have. They can be identified by using a standard alcohol screening test during the intake process. Then we can help them to get into an active program of recovery using such activities as support groups, addiction therapy, educational activities, etc. Use community resources if the shelter’s staff does not have expertise in this area. Addiction is a primary issue, so all other help giving will amount to nothing if the person cannot stay sober.

  2. The Issue of Toxic Shame
    By definition, “toxic shame” is an inner sense of being defective, faulty, unlovable, undeserving, unredeemable and hopeless. It is root problem for addicts, codependents and people from dysfunctional families. Most adults in family shelters fall into at least one of these categories. Toxic shame is the “glue” that holds the wall of denial together and prevents hurting people from accepting the help we offer them. They think – “If I admit I have problems, it proves that I am a worthless, useless human being.” Addiction leads to a total deterioration of a person’s moral life leading to a destructive mix of toxic shame and guilt. The Bible tells us that admitting our problems is not an admission of hopelessness or defectiveness. Instead, it is the key to forgiveness, freedom from our pasts and a new self-image.

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Why Should a Wife be Submissive to Her Husband?

Why do some Christian women have a difficult time dealing with the submission issue in marriage? It is because over the years the scriptures have been abused to mean something other than what God meant. Unfortunately, many Christians lose the greatest relationship on earth and in heaven because of their own unwillingness to follow Christ and realize HE IS THEIR SOURCE!

“Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.” 1 Corinthians 11:3

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Many Mothers

by Maida Rogerson
From How to Achieve Heaven on Earth: 101 insightful essays from the world’s greatest thinkers, leaders and writers, edited by John E. Wade II

Imagine. You’ve just had your first baby. Your husband is in a new job and doesn’t have a lot of time for you. You’ve moved away from your extended family. Suddenly, there you are, you and your beautiful baby, home, alone. Your baby starts to cry, and you’re dead tired and all you want to do is cry yourself, and you have no one to turn to.

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The Domestic Slave


There are various kinds of slavery in the world, and many classes of victims of this cruel bondage. There is among others, the domestic slave, whose tyrant is her husband–and the scene of her bondage, her home!

His stinginess allows her scanty supplies for bare necessities. His selfishness is so engrossing and exacting, that his demands for his own personal ease and indulgence are incessant, and leave her no time for the consideration of her own comfort. His disposition is so bad, that all her diligence to please are unavailing to give him satisfaction, or to avert the sallies of his irritability, discontent, and complaints.

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