Relapse

Criticisms of Recovery – Part 2

See: Part 1 | See: Part 3

In a previous article I discussed the most insensitive, intransigent and personally painful kind of resistance to recovery – our own resistance. We tend to be our own worst critics. We resist the changes most tenaciously. In most cases we fight it, reject it, hate it – probably more than anyone else.

It is often true, however, that the recovery journey takes us through territory that is either ambivalent towards or downright hostile to recovery. Recovering codependents, for example, may find that some people prefer the ‘good old days’ when they were more compliant and self-sacrificing. Unpleasant emotions, once medicated with addictive substances or processes, may be experienced as threats to relationships that have adapted over the years to the insanity of addiction. Some people in recovery experience hostility when they start telling the truth in social systems which have been committed to silence for generations. Other people experience shame and rejection when people are skeptical about or merely uncomfortable with the changes that recovery brings.

Recovery is about change and most of us will encounter resistance when change produces new and unfamiliar behaviors. It is not reasonable to expect that all of the changes which take place during recovery will be received with rejoicing as if they were ‘answers to prayer’.

Resistance and Rejection
Most of the resistance we encounter in recovery will be personal and painful. Even when resistance comes in the form of intellectualized ‘arguments’ against recovery, it may feel like personal assault rather than dispassionate analysis. For example, suppose someone says: “You can’t change the past, so you should focus on the positive.” This may make some intellectual sense to you. It may ‘ring true.’ It might, indeed, be good advice at this particular stage of your recovery. But for many people it may also feel like a profound dismissal of their struggle towards sanity. The key to sorting out confusing stuff like this is not the truth or falsehood of “you should focus on the positive”. What is critically important is the tone of voice in which you hear “you should focus on the positive”. Is the tone practical and understanding? Or is it shaming and dismissing? Do I feel rejected as a person when I hear this?

Criticisms of Recovery – Part 2 Read More »

Criticisms of Recovery – Part 1

See: Part 2 | See: Part 3

Let’s begin with the obvious. The most argumentative, tenacious, illogical and misguided criticism of recovery comes not from other people but from me. When it comes to my own recovery journey, I am the person who resists the most. Like many of us, I have always been my own worst critic. I can think of 50 reasons, easily, why my recovery is just a pop-psychology, navel-gazing, trusting-the-wisdom-of-men-instead-of-God, self-pity-party.

I do not need any external hostility to recovery in order to remind me of how I should be better by now, of how I should be able to just pray about it and trust God, or of how I should spend more time helping others rather than selfishly focused on my own needs. I have yet to find a criticism of recovery that I haven’t already internalized in some way. I have recently finished reading a series of books highly critical of the recovery movement and there were few surprises for my personal Inner Board of Critics. This distinguished panel of Judges has left few stones unturned in criticizing my own recovery. I suppose there are some obvious reasons why we resist our own recovery so tenaciously. Let me mention just three.

Resistance to the Truth
First, of course, we experience denial as having such tangible benefits. Denial has a lot of appeal – it always seems like it’s going to be less painful than facing the truth. I’ve gotten along so far without having to face this, why should I have to deal with it now? The truth, by contrast, always seems like the worst possible thing. So, we resist recovery because it is less appealing than denial. This is, of course, why few of us choose recovery just as a kind of personal enrichment activity – most of us don’t begin the recovery journey until our pain becomes so intense that we are forced to take measures that in ordinary circumstances we would resist if at all possible.

Criticisms of Recovery – Part 1 Read More »

What Do You Think Jesus Wants You to Do?

“My Yoke Is Easy.”

What do you think Jesus wants you to do?

I’m not thinking of specific choices like whether to have pizza or turkey for lunch (I don’t think He cares). But in terms of overall life choices and directions, what do you think He wants? There are probably a lot of answers to that question, but I’m thinking of one right now that I’ll bet nobody else mentioned.

I think He wants me to quit. (It’s okay if you’re surprised.)

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

The scripture above is one of the most well-known passages in the bible. It’s a source of comfort to folks who are buried under the weight of illness, despair, and impossible expectations. But it’s even more comforting when we understand the historical context.

What Do You Think Jesus Wants You to Do? Read More »

Back to the Basics in Recovery

“Now I am really confused,” said Jerry. “I’m doing all the things I think I’m supposed to do. I’ve been in therapy for a year and a half now, and I’ve been going to the 12-Step group at church. But somehow I have lost track of things. What is this all about? And why is it so painful?” Like Jerry, many of us have experienced times in the recovery journey when we ‘lose track’ of things. Why are we doing this? What is the point?

Sometimes when we are in the middle of painful transitions it is particularly difficult to see clearly what’s really going on. The changes can seem disorientingly fast and then, moments later, frustratingly slow. The changes can seem too good and too painful at the same time. In times like this, it makes a lot of sense to focus on the fundamentals. Afterall, there really isn’t much in the way of ‘advanced recovery.’ If there is a graduate level recovery course, I haven’t found it yet. I find myself returning again and again to the most basic and fundamental of truths. It is in Recovery 101 that I find renewed clarity, hope and determination to “keep on keeping on”. I am quite fond of the old AA slogan “KISS” which stands for “keep it simple, stupid”. That is precisely what we need.

Back to the Basics in Recovery Read More »

Are You Experiencing True Guilt or False Guilt?

We must differentiate between true guilt, and false guilt. Listen to how Paul differentiates between the two:

Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness; to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done.2 Corinthians 7:10-11


Before we investigate these types of guilt, I would like to give you an overview.

  • 1. True guilt. Corinthians calls this Godly sorrow in the NIV, or sorrow that is according to the will of God in the NASB.
  • 2. False guilt. Corinthians calls this worldly sorrow in the NIV, or sorrow of the world in the NASB.
    Within false guilt I see two categories:

      a. Deliberate pretended guilt.
      b. Imposed guilt. This is guilt that we, the world, and other people impose upon ourselves.

    • Let’s explore.

    Are You Experiencing True Guilt or False Guilt? Read More »

    Asking for Support: Getting the Help You Need – Part 2

    by Dale & Juanita Ryan | see: Part 1

    We resist getting help

    In spite of the abundance of God’s love and grace and the many ways in which love and grace are available to us, we do not easily reach out for the help we need. Even when we have acknowledged our need for help, we may find ourselves hesitating, finding excuses, resisting. Resistance to getting help is often the result of a mixture of fear and despair and shame.

    Fear

    It can be frightening to get help. In the process we feel vulnerable and exposed. Jim’s Dad had made cutting remarks about him all his life. Jim was so accustomed to hearing that he was lazy and stupid and irresponsible that every time he shared in his support group, he expected to hear these same hurtful comments in response. Even though people didn’t respond this way, Jim imagined that everyone must be privately thinking these things about him. As a result, he would sometimes begin to share only to freeze with fear and find himself unable to talk.

    Asking for Support: Getting the Help You Need – Part 2 Read More »

    Asking for Support: Getting the Help You Need – Part 1

    by Dale & Juanita Ryan
    See: Part 2 | Part 3

    The God of the Bible is a God who saves and heals. The Bible is clear about this: He will deliver the needy who cry out, he will rescue them from oppression and violence. Psalm 72: 12,14) When we see our need, acknowledge our inability to save ourselves, and cry out, God delivers us. God rescues us from oppression and violence. Whether it is the oppression and violence of our compulsions and addictions or the oppression and violence of abuse and neglect, God delivers us and heals us. God is powerful enough and loving enough to deliver us from all of the oppression and violence we face.

    This is the good news proclaimed in Scripture. And it is the basis for our hope on the recovery journey. We cannot save ourselves. Or heal ourselves. But God can. And God will.

    Sound simple? It turns out to be anything but simple. There are several reasons for this. First, we find it hard to believe that God is

    Asking for Support: Getting the Help You Need – Part 1 Read More »

    Relapse Warning Signs

    Read the following lists of relapse warning signs. Place a check mark next to any that have happened to you. Place a question mark next to any that you do not understand. Underline any words that cause you to have strong thoughts or feelings, make you want to do something.

    Phase I: Internal Warning Signs

    • ___ Trouble thinking clearly: Sometimes I cannot understand what is going on. At times, it is hard to think, or I can only think about the same thing over and over. At times I cannot think at all, or when I do, I make mistakes that I usually would not make.

    Relapse Warning Signs Read More »

    Hold Fast !

    Nevertheless what you have, hold fast until I come. Revelation 2:25


    Jesus asked, “when the Son of Man comes, will He find faith on the earth?” Luke 18:8 Sometimes, as we look around us, we wonder if He will. There are so many – individuals, congregations, denominations – who haven’t held fast anything, but have piece by piece or wholesale given away the most precious truths in the universe, exchanging the Word of God for a bowl of weak, watery, unsatisfying something.

    Jesus has called us to hold fast what we have. We don’t know everything about God’s will, His plan, His purpose, or His activity, but what we do know, we are to cling to. We have His Word – I could reach out my hand from my chair right now, and touch or pick up 15 separate copies of the Bible, plus what’s on my computer – and we are to hold fast to it. And this isn’t merely the physical printed Book. As wonderful as it is to be able to own 15 copies of the Bible (there are places in the world where a single copy, or a single book of the Bible, has to suffice for an entire congregation), it’s not enough to own them, or even read and study them. Someone who’s drowning in Bibles, yet lets what it says slip through the fingers of his mind as water slips through the fingers of his hands, might as well never have seen a Bible in his life.

    Hold Fast ! Read More »

    Are You a Ragamuffin in Need of Grace?

    Brennan Manning loved to refer to the Gospel as the Ragamuffin Gospel. I always liked that! Why? I didn’t come to Jesus with any piety or with the veil of religious performance. I was completely surprised when I encountered Jesus. He was totally other than my immature image of Him! And I had hit “my” bottom as a drug addicted Hippie. My home was the streets.

    Jesus took me in through the love and hospitality of two of His Ragamuffin Saints. And He immediately sensitized me to the realities of being drawn into Him. He threw out the welcome mat to my heart to be at home in Him. I had no theology. Not even the slightest pretense of having a clue about my life “purpose” or “worth.” I was entirely “clueless!”

    Brennan Manning eloquently communicated the Gospel of Grace without even a hit hint of religious pride. And he never wavered or compromised it. Instead; he was faithful to the message of grace through his own personal struggles, failures and shortcomings. The following quote succinctly captures the essence of Brennan’s life message!

    Are You a Ragamuffin in Need of Grace? Read More »