Verbal Abuse

The Worst Kind of Betrayal

I think that betrayal is the worst experience in life. Most things are easy to rise above, or, if necessary, easy to endure. You simply put one foot in front of another and walk through it. But betrayal breaks the spirit. It makes you want to say, “What’s the point?”


The human spirit will endure sickness;
but a broken spirit — who can bear?
Proverbs 18:14 NRSV

Betrayal exists all around us. Most of the times, we set ourselves up. We create expectations of relationships, of circumstances, and when things don’t work out the way we planned or intended or hoped, we are betrayed. And it hurts. It hurts a lot! In these situations, however, we need to look within ourselves. Were our expectations unreasonable? For example, we usually expect that our employers will treat us fairly. Our expectations are based on the idea that our employers, our jobs are the source of our income, our livelihood. In these cases, our expectations are unreasonable. Our job isn’t the source of our income; the Lord is! And He never fails. So it doesn’t matter whether or not we lose our job. He will provide.

The Worst Kind of Betrayal Read More »

Are You Experiencing True Guilt or False Guilt?

We must differentiate between true guilt, and false guilt. Listen to how Paul differentiates between the two:

Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness; to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done.2 Corinthians 7:10-11


Before we investigate these types of guilt, I would like to give you an overview.

  • 1. True guilt. Corinthians calls this Godly sorrow in the NIV, or sorrow that is according to the will of God in the NASB.
  • 2. False guilt. Corinthians calls this worldly sorrow in the NIV, or sorrow of the world in the NASB.
    Within false guilt I see two categories:

      a. Deliberate pretended guilt.
      b. Imposed guilt. This is guilt that we, the world, and other people impose upon ourselves.
  • Let’s explore.

    Are You Experiencing True Guilt or False Guilt? Read More »

    Who Needs Recovery?

    Recovery involves the entire person: spiritual, physical, emotional and mental. You can recover from abuse, addiction, eating disorders, anxiety, shame, guilt, anger, alcoholism, codependency, suffering, grief, depression and more!

    You probably need to consider seeking help if:

  • The last thing in the world you want to do is talk about your possible areas of “stuckness”.
  • Your life is getting to be a repeat of one disaster after another.
  • You are finding you feel less and less in control over problems you once thought were under control.
  • You have noticed an increase in the frequency of the behaviors that you believe are a problem (lying, stealing, drinking, eating, gambling, etc.)
  • You have family members that have begun to show concern about problem areas in your life.
  • Who Needs Recovery? Read More »

    Asking for Support: Getting the Help You Need – Part 2

    by Dale & Juanita Ryan | see: Part 1

    We resist getting help

    In spite of the abundance of God’s love and grace and the many ways in which love and grace are available to us, we do not easily reach out for the help we need. Even when we have acknowledged our need for help, we may find ourselves hesitating, finding excuses, resisting. Resistance to getting help is often the result of a mixture of fear and despair and shame.

    Fear

    It can be frightening to get help. In the process we feel vulnerable and exposed. Jim’s Dad had made cutting remarks about him all his life. Jim was so accustomed to hearing that he was lazy and stupid and irresponsible that every time he shared in his support group, he expected to hear these same hurtful comments in response. Even though people didn’t respond this way, Jim imagined that everyone must be privately thinking these things about him. As a result, he would sometimes begin to share only to freeze with fear and find himself unable to talk.

    Asking for Support: Getting the Help You Need – Part 2 Read More »

    Asking for Support: Getting the Help You Need – Part 1

    by Dale & Juanita Ryan
    See: Part 2 | Part 3

    The God of the Bible is a God who saves and heals. The Bible is clear about this: He will deliver the needy who cry out, he will rescue them from oppression and violence. Psalm 72: 12,14) When we see our need, acknowledge our inability to save ourselves, and cry out, God delivers us. God rescues us from oppression and violence. Whether it is the oppression and violence of our compulsions and addictions or the oppression and violence of abuse and neglect, God delivers us and heals us. God is powerful enough and loving enough to deliver us from all of the oppression and violence we face.

    This is the good news proclaimed in Scripture. And it is the basis for our hope on the recovery journey. We cannot save ourselves. Or heal ourselves. But God can. And God will.

    Sound simple? It turns out to be anything but simple. There are several reasons for this. First, we find it hard to believe that God is

    Asking for Support: Getting the Help You Need – Part 1 Read More »

    Is Fear “Normal?”

    We take fear for granted.

    I think we live in a culture of fear. We’re quite literally immersed in it. We’re so accustomed to being afraid that we don’t even realize how much this embedded fear drives our thinking, attitudes, and choices.

    For all of our talk about freedom we seem obsessed with power and control. We have this insatiable need to manipulate others and control our environment, and I believe it’s mostly rooted in insecurity and fear.

    How much of your time and attention is devoted to avoiding every conceivable risk—or even the appearance of risk? How much do you worry about “threats” that aren’t meaningful threats at all?

    How much energy do you expend controlling others? How much do you seek power through some form of coercion, as though it’s just the way it’s supposed to be?

    What’s the cost of all that fear?

    Is Fear “Normal?” Read More »

    Authority: Abuse or Love?

    The king answered the people harshly. Rejecting the advice given him by the elders, he followed the advice of the young men. 1 Kings 12:13-14


    “What shall I do, Ms. Yvonne?” Melissa asked as we sat in my office.

    Her husband had slapped their son repeatedly because he didn’t put toilet paper on the toilet seat in a public restroom before using it.

    When she saw marks on her son’s cheeks, she questioned him. His father had warned him not to tell. He cried and finally told her what happened. She said he was a young child and made a mistake.

    Authority: Abuse or Love? Read More »

    God’s Name Tag

    And everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. Acts 2:21


    When I was a kid, my cousins had a favorite pastime: scaring me senseless. I mistakenly thought by being an only child, I’d avoid the horror of sibling torment.

    Not so fast. The beauty of older cousins.

    Anyway, as part of this torment, my loving cousins frequently told me I was in rooms with ghosts, demons and the devil himself. Whether it was in my home or theirs, they’d lure me into a particular room, then shut the door, locking me in while making scary noises, “talking” to the disturbing entities and, of course, telling me these unholy creatures were coming for me.

    Oh, happy childhood. When is it over?

    God’s Name Tag Read More »

    Do I need to forgive someone who is not repentant?

    Do I need to forgive someone even if it doesn’t seem that he is sorry?

    Luke 17:3-4 answers that question this way:

    “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.”

    Jesus said that without genuine repentance there is no forgiveness. One example of this principle is when he says:

    Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation.2 Corinthians 7:10

    Do I need to forgive someone who is not repentant? Read More »

    What Do You Gain When You Rescue Someone?

    Proverbs 19:19:
    A hot-tempered man must pay the penalty;
    if you rescue him, you will have to do it again.

    “My husband is a hot-tempered man,” Rosie told me. “In a fit of rage, he broke my mother’s special vase.”

    “What happened next?” I asked.

    Rosie blushed as she talked about rushing to the store to find a vase just like the one her husband broke before her mother returned home.

    I looked into her eyes and asked if she had covered for her husband in the past.

    Rosie wouldn’t look at me. However, she admitted she had rescued her husband many times from the consequences of his behavior.

    “Are you tired of rescuing your husband?”

    What Do You Gain When You Rescue Someone? Read More »