Spousal Abuse

Abuse: It’s Deceptions, Forms & Healing

As we already know, abuse can come in many forms: physical, emotional, sexual, verbal, financial, spiritual and so on. For the most part, it is you that is the victim or survivor of abuse. But what if the abuser is you? How do you deal with the fact that you are an abuser yourself? Do you blame it on being abused yourself? Is it a result of growing up watching your parents while one abuses the other? How do you change your behaviour? Do you want to change your behaviour? There are many questions regarding when you are the abuser and there are many roads to choose from of which to travel down. Also, what if you are not the abuser, but the person being abused? What are your options? What actions should you take to end the violence?

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Economic and Financial Abuse

Economic or financial abuse is one type of domestic violence. It shows up when the husband or partner refuses to allow his spouse to take part in financial decisions. He tells her or implies that women are inferior. He says they don’t have the intelligence or skills to handle finances.

He insists on keeping the checkbook and all financial records without letting her keep up to date with their financial status. Should he pass away first, she would have no idea how to pay bills, how to keep a checkbook, and how to handle the economic situation. She probably wouldn’t even know where he kept the checkbook and financial records.

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Living Water in the Desert of Abuse

Hagar couldn’t bear to watch – or listen.

She tucked her son beneath the scant shade of a spiny bush, staggered about 100 yards away, and tried to plug her ears against his cries for help. But through the flesh and bone of her fingers, she could still hear him.

“Mama! Water! Please, Mama!” he begged, his voice cracking with adolescence and thirst.

Although the heat was oppressive, Hagar shivered with horror. Her baby was dying and she was helpless against the relentless sun and parched winds.

Soon she, too, would die from thirst. More painful than the thought of her own demise was the pleading voice of her son asking for the basic necessity of life that she could not give him — water.

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We need boundaries! We need fences!

1 Peter 1:13-16 NRSV Therefore prepare your minds for action; discipline yourselves; set all your hope on the grace that Jesus Christ will bring you when He is revealed. Like obedient children, do not be conformed to the desires that you formerly had in ignorance. Instead, as He who called you is holy, be holy yourselves in all your conduct; for it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.”

We have dogs. Currently, we have one dog, but often we have more than one. People know that we rescue poodles, and we are often called to see if we will give a poodle a home. In the past two years, the “yard” that our dogs have enjoyed has changed considerably. First, it was the portable yard that we use for our RV. We bought two units and attached them together, so it was about 6×4 feet. Not very big, but for small dogs, large enough to walk around. Last year, when we moved into the trailer, the yard was considerably larger. There was room to run and play a bit, certainly lots of room to nose around and smell (which the dogs loved to do). In this house, the yard is huge in comparison to anything we’ve had previously. It’s a big lot and the back yard goes from edge to edge. It’s possible not to be able to see our little poodle just looking out the back door; the yard is that big.

One thing every yard had in common was some kind of a fence. The fence is both a protection from at least some of the predators getting in (though there are still those, like snakes, that can get in under the fence) and a protection from the dogs getting out of the yard and being at risk of being hit by cars or stolen by thieves.

The fence is a protection.

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Be a Friend to an Abused Woman

1. Please listen to the abused woman.

2. Please don’t blame her for the abuse.

3. Please avoid interrupting her.

4. Please don’t act shocked or doubtful of the truth of her situation.

5. Please pray for her.

6. Please offer her Scripture that comforts and strengthens her.

7. Please let her know that she can call or visit you again.

8. Please share tea or coffee with her to put her at ease.

9. Please find out if she is danger.

10. Please give her the name of the nearest shelter.

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When is it Right to Trust Other People? (Part 2)

See Part One

One of the hardest issues for many people, especially in today’s society, is to know when to trust other people. What I am about to write comes from the books, Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend, and Safe People by the same authors. It is what I have learned along my healing journey, and I can assure you that I am by no means anywhere near the end of it. I believe healing is a lifelong journey. I highly recommend reading ALL of their books. Believe me when I say they have an endless supply of good Christian books that will help you grow and mature both spiritually and emotionally.

Many people teach that we are to trust nobody. After all, look what it gets us a lot of the time. Girls, boys and women raped because they trusted somebody enough to simply speak to them. Now, not every encounter is a bad one, but we cannot guarantee that any meeting will be a safe one. Who is willing to risk their life on a chance meeting?

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When is it Right to Trust Other People? (part 1)

One of the hardest issues for many people, especially in today’s society, is knowing when to trust other people. What I am about to write comes from the Bible, Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend, and Safe People by the same authors. It is what I have learned along my healing journey, and I can assure you that I am no where near the end of it. I believe healing is a lifelong journey.

The Bible clearly states that we are to trust nobody.

Psalm 40:4 NKJV Blessed is that man who makes the LORD his trust, And does not respect the proud, nor such as turn aside to lies.

Psalm 56:4 NIV In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?

Psalm 146:3 NKJV Do not put your trust in princes, Nor in a son of man, in whom there is no help.

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Traumas and Addiction (Workshop Transcript)

Obie-Host: “Welcome to our Workshop on Trauma and Addiction. We will be discussing trauma, abuse and as well as addiction. Would someone like to open us in prayer?”

“Yahweh, thank you so much for the freedom we have to gather together in fellowship with you and each other – Thank you that Yvonne is giving us her time to teach us -Holy Spirit open our eyes and ears – that we may see and hear what you would impart to us today – Have your way – may your will be done. Amen”

Obie-Host:“Welcome everyone to the Workshop on Trauma and Addiction – our leader today is Yvonne Ortega. She has credentials as long as my arm, as well as personal experiences in everything she talks about. Yvonne, please introduce yourself and tell us a bit about yourself.”

“Hi you all! Thank you for having me. It is a blessing to share with you all. Yes, I have credentials, but, I’ve also learned through the school of hard knocks.

Trauma refers to situations in which a person is rendered powerless and great danger is involved. The situations involve death and injury or the possibility of death and injury.
Those events evoke a state of extreme horror, helplessness, and fear. They are events of such intensity and magnitude they would overtax any human being’s ability to cope.

Such events can be childhood physical abuse or sexual abuse, domestic violence, sexual assault and rape, natural catastrophes such as hurricanes and tornadoes, car accidents, war and combat, and a life-threatening disease. Just as the body can be traumatized, so can the psyche.

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PSTD: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

** Have you, or someone you love Been through combat?
** Lived through a disaster?
** Been raped?
** Experienced any other kind of traumatic event?

Have you ever thought that painful memories of that experience were still causing problems for you or a loved one?

You may have heard of PTSD—posttraumatic stress disorder—on the news or from friends and family, and wondered what it is, or whether you or someone you know has it. This booklet will help you understand what PTSD is.

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Married to an Abusive Alcoholic: Am I Helping My Spouse to Drink?

It can be very difficult when living with an alcoholic. You never know what to expect from one moment to the next. If you are married to an alcoholic then you need to set boundaries for your personal self. You NEED to take care of you now. You do not have to allow the alcoholics verbal abuses to take control of your emotions another minute longer!

We’ve all heard the saying “sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me”. Well, this is pretty much what it’s like when living with a verbally abusive alcoholic. Learn to not let “the names” hurt you by emotionally detaching. You should never allow the alcoholic behavior control how you will behave because by doing this it shows that you are controlled by alcoholism just as much as the alcoholic is.

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