Ask Angie: My husband cheated on me with another woman and now I find it hard to forgive him. I can’t trust him anymore. Our marriage is falling apart. We can go on for weeks without speaking and we are so uncomfortable. Although it hurts me I don’t know what to do anymore.
Ask Angie: Hello Angie, thanks for the Good work that you’re doing. My husband is involved in infidelity, I have know about it and confronted him but he continues to do it, his parents have talked to him but no change, am real hurt by his behaviors. He sleeps out, never eats at home, he come late in the night from that woman. Every thing about us has died, we don’t talk, plan together any more. I’m confused; I want my marriage to be better again.
Ask Angie: My husband is a womanizer and he has cheated on me, had girl in my house while I was at work. I have no problem with him talking to other women but why do they call while I’m at work and hang up in my face. I can’t shake this nor let it go.
Marriage Guidance: It is very hard to forgive if a spouse has committed adultery, and especially if they continue to commit sexual sin over and over again. But even so it is what Christ asks us to do. Why do you think Jesus wants us to forgive a spouse of adultery? If we don’t forgive others when they trespass against us Christ will not forgive us!
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14
Faith In Jesus Christ
If we call ourselves Christians are we living the Christian life? Forgiving others is living the principles taught to us by Jesus Christ. If we are living the Christian life then we find forgiveness in our hearts when others have hurt us. Jesus gives us the power to forgive!
If we hold up sin within our spirit, what kind of a spouse will we be? We can’t continue with a bitter, cold heart, what’s that? You should forgive even if they continue to sin. Not only that but if you’re married to an unbeliever you should pray for their soul. We are not condemners, judgers, or executioners. That’s God’s job. Are you trying to do God’s job?
Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the LORD, and he will deliver you. Proverbs 20:22
And we should also reach out to Christ and ask for forgiveness for ourselves. We can’t stop the adulterer from hurting their spirit but we can stop ourselves from hurting our own. We can be a good example. We know that we are forgiven when we find repentance and faith in Christ for our own life.
We go running to family, friends, and counselors, anyone who will listen. We’re hurting, we’re angry, we seek vengeance, we’re sick and tired of being hurt and abused by a spouse that doesn’t seem to care about the marriage anymore. These emotions are normal. But when we seek answers and solace from the world we will be misguided, which will keep us trapped within our negative emotions and the pain of adultery…even into our next relationship.
Carrying a worldly attitude would be something like this. “I’m better than my spouse because I didn’t commit a sexual sin against my marriage”. Is the above statement true or is it false? If you think it is true then you need to read and study the bible some more. If you know it is false then what are you going to do about it?
Adultery is selfish. But the adulterer has an excuse—they aren’t living their life for Christ! Are you? Let’s take the spotlight off of the adulterer for a moment. The light is now shining on you and everyone is looking at you. Are you without sin? Pick up the pieces of your frazzled marriage and ask Christ to be a part of it. Put Christ FIRST!
Couples often like to play the “I’m better than you game” with one another when one spouse has committed an immoral act against the marriage. But the truth is they both need to seek repentance and Christ’s forgiveness. Adultery is selfish but so is the holier than thou attitude. Maybe you did not commit adultery but suppose you hold a grudge against your spouse in your heart. What do you think that grudge will do to you over time? It will turn into sin, won’t it? That grudge will make you do and say things that are not conducive to right Christian living. So then you are sinning.
Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of the eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world. 1 John 2:15-16
Christ-like attitude and principles would be something like this. “I’m going to forgive you because it is what Christ wants me to do. I want to live my life for Jesus Christ and therefore I am going to give this hurt and pain I am feeling over to Him. I will pray about this and ask Jesus to help me to find forgiveness in my heart. I will also seek forgiveness for myself. I will pray that you find faith in Christ and repent of your sins as well.”
A spouse may have a difficult time forgiving because they think their spouse does not deserve forgiveness. But forgiveness is not so much about them but about you! In fact you don’t even have to tell them you have forgiven them. Once you have forgiven them, God will already know because God knows everything about us. The burden of unforgiveness is now off your shoulders and you can move away from the sin of your spouse.
And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sin. Mark 11:25
If a spouse repeatedly commits sexual sin against the marriage it should be treated like an illness—much like addiction. No one can create someone else’s moral character for them. You can demand, nag, plead, scream, cry, and retaliate and still a spouse is going to do what is in their heart and mind to do. They need Christ but you can’t tell them that or else they will believe that you think you are better than them.
You need to forgive… if not for them then for yourself. You should pray for them because they need your prayers. A repeated adulterer is seeking emotional and mental relief through others. They seek satisfaction of the ego through the praise and acceptance from others. They have spiritual issues within themselves that keep them from healing the wounds through Christ—the source of where all pure love and forgiveness originates.
Many people try and bypass Jesus Christ and seek solutions for their suffering through the world. But these temporary solutions are like masking chronic headaches with aspirin. The headache is still there you just can’t feel it for the time being. The headache is not going to go away until you find the reason “why” you keep having headaches.
…who gave himself for our sins to rescue us from the present age, according to the will of our God and Father. Galatians 1:4
Sexual and emotional addiction is an illness just like any other addiction. In fact did you know that we’re all spiritually ill until we allow our Redeemer Christ to come into our lives and be our fulfiller? Only Jesus Christ can fulfill our hearts. He is the only One that can give us the peace and contentment we desperately need. The world cannot heal your soul—only God can heal us emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. Galatians 5:16-17
I know that some of you are lost. Are you on the right road that leads to God? Maybe you have been deceived into believing you are on the right road but really you are not. People like to say that there are several roads that lead to God. There may be several roads for a certain amount of time, but when push comes to shove there is only one road that leads to God and on that road is an interception with Jesus Christ. The road to God doesn’t end…it only gets better and better because you are not on the road alone anymore. You are now walking with Jesus. Jesus will guide you and counsel you in the way you should go. Follow Christ’s teachings and it will keep you from getting lost.
Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:4-5