Be consistent in your efforts. Your abuser needs to see that YOU are not going to be bullied around any longer. When detaching with love/respect there are 5 things to remember:
1. Be consistent – don’t one day detach and the next day break down in tears
2. Remain Calm (don’t fight back)
3. Let the abuser know you are ready to talk when they are ready to talk
4. Remain respectful but don’t allow yourself to get railroaded either—walk away
5. Don’t let the abuser see that his abuse is intimidating you
Pray for Your Abuser
Let your husband know that you have prayed for him to stop disrespecting you and your daughter. “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins” Mark 11:25
Keep your sense of judgment always on God
Having someone continually harass you, telling you what a lousy wife/person you are can wear down your self worth and make you feel miserable about yourself. But it doesn’t have to be this way. By learning to detach with love and keeping yourself spiritually fit you can have complete clarity of mind to continue on with respect towards self, and love towards those who are not so loving and kind.
Here are some words of wisdom taken from the AL-ANON book.
Someone said something unkind about me. Are my feelings hurt? Yes. Should they be? No. How do I overcome my hurt? By detaching myself. “Turning it off,” until I can figure out what lies behind it. If it is retaliation for an unkindness I did, let me correct my fault. If not, I have no responsibility in the matter. Should I ignore or challenge? No, I will let it go; least said, soonest mended. Nothing can hurt me unless I allow it to. When I am pained by anything that happens outside of myself, it is not that thing which hurts me, but the way I think and feel about it. (One Day At A Time In AL-ANON)
There are ways to productively release anger and so this next segment of this marriage column is for anyone who may need freedom from anger or who is living with an angry and bitter spouse. There is light at the end of the tunnel.