Boundaries

Offering Unsolicited Advice

How should you offer unsolicited advice? You shouldn’t.

This morning I rode a bike trail that includes an underpass and a particularly steep ramp. It’s one of my favorite routes, but for me that ramp is a killer. No matter how hard I try I can never get quite enough momentum to crank to the crest. I always stall just before reaching the top, so I have to just hold myself steady, make sure I don’t roll backward, and inch my way the final three or four feet.

So this morning I was maintaining my stalled position and creeping forward when a guy rolled past. He called over his shoulder, “You should shift to a lower gear before climbing a hill.”

Wow. If only I’d known…

Detach with Love from the Alcoholic

To detach with love from the alcoholic means to not allow what they do while drinking harm your emotional and or spiritual well being.
Detaching with love is something learned that over time becomes a habit-a good habit actually.

To understand how detaching with love works, we must first understand what not detaching is, and what it does to us, as well as the alcoholic you live with. When we don't detach we get angry, resentful, and sometimes fearful over the behaviors of the alcoholic. This happens because we are "too" consumed with the behaviors of the alcoholic or better known as the symptoms of the drinking.

How to Handle a Cheating Husband

Ask Angie: Is divorce the only answer for a repeat cheater?

Ask Angie: How do I stop him from cheating on me?

Ask Angie: My husband confessed to cheating I was so hurt I threw him out of our home and we are now separated, he has been treating me worse than ever and is acting like he was when I suspected his cheating what should I do? I'm so confused.

Ask Angie: My husband left me and moved in with a woman, for the second time! He came back complaining about her but left again. I am a Christian and want my husband back. He's been gone 5 weeks with no contact. We have 3 children. The woman he is with is married too, and to number 4? Is restoration a reality?

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Compromise: Left, Right, Or Something Else?

Which are you—left, right, or somewhere in the middle?

spectrumWe’re apparently programmed to think of nearly every aspect of our lives in terms of a linear continuum.

Politics provides the most obvious example. Left/right, liberal/conservative, red/blue. While most of us don’t reside at an extreme, we’re certainly conditioned to think of ourselves at least on one side or the other of center.

Don’t Make Me Your Project

What does love look like? It has the hands to help others. It has the feet to hasten to the poor and needy. It has eyes to see misery and want. It has the ears to hear the sighs and sorrows of men. That is what love looks like. Saint Augustine

“I hate feeling like I’m someone else’s project!”

I’d just finished sharing part of my story with the group. I expressed my gratitude for the people who wove the story of Relentless Grace and my belief that God sent this small circle of folks who refused to let me quit on life.

Humility is a Two-way Street


Submission
In John 13, Jesus washes the disciples’ feet. It’s a well-known story, a frequently referenced model for Christ’s attitude of humble service to others. But there’s another side to the story.

Foot-washing requires a foot to wash.

In the story, Peter initially refuses to allow his friend and teacher to perform such a menial, degrading task. Jesus replies that submission isn’t optional—it’s an essential element in the interaction.

I don’t think that’s an accident. You can’t force someone to receive an expression of intimacy. If it’s a true act of humble service, the one whose feet are washed must submit.

Marriage Healing Begins With Attitude and Beliefs

Sometimes we have to do what is right rather than what feels good. If we only do what feels good and what we want, we're not going to be very popular with others, especially the person we married. This kind of marriage will be heading straight for divorce court, won't it? Some of the wrong attitudes we have, and how they can lead us to sinfulness is carried out in our actions, which can cause problems in our relationships.

Healing From Addiction: Where Does Our Marriage Go from Here?

Ask Angie: My heart aches. I've been married 16 years. We have 6 children. My husband got out of rehab for alcoholism, but also worked on his sex addiction. I feel as though I can work through the alcohol part but the trust with the sex addition is not happening. I have been supporting my family for over 2 months with daycare I have in my home. Questions of leaving my husband are a daily struggle. My church has helped with what they can with my bills while he was away. Where do we all go from here?

Losing Trust in Spouse, Regaining that Trust

Ask Angie: My husband and I are not on the same page when it comes to trust issues, today something came up that hit a button that really showed me how I don't trust him. He did something I felt went behind my back. When I found out about it, I was very upset. I felt he was being dishonest with me and I then realized why I don't trust him. See he is done these things most of our married life. When I comforted him I let him know that his behavior is what I don't trust. That this kind of behavior cannot go on. That is this kind of behavior that is the reason I don't trust him and that it is his job to restore my trust in him.

Moving from Pride to Humility

From Pride to Humility
Pride is a form of self-worship and is often at the root of dysfunctional behavior as well as addiction. These pages describe the various manifestations of pride and how to learn true humility.


Biblical Counseling

Biblical counselors have been trained to utilize the Bible in a counseling context by applying practical and hopeful biblical principles to real life situations and problems. Christians who find they are struggling with various problems need an understanding of the awesome resources available in biblical solutions that offer real hope and practical help.

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