At the age of 26 I became independent for the first time. That is when I started to abuse alcohol and drugs. Then in July my mother passed away. This was devastating for me and I was unable to cope with her death. I started go to the bars and hanging around with the wrong crowd. I did everything I could to make these people like me in order to try and fill the void that I was feeling. I even gave them money and so that they could use it to support there addiction while I was still supporting my own addiction. I let them use me so they would be my friends.
During these times I was drinking constantly and doing drugs which made me extremely suicidal. I started getting in trouble with the law because of the alcohol and drugs. I was also in and out of the hospital because I was drunk all the time and suicidal. There where many times I woke up and don’t know how I got to where I was. In 1989 I started going in and out of the alcoholics anonymous program. Over time I tried many different recovery homes, but I always left the program. I was never ready to give up my addiction so none of these programs worked for me.
Eventually in 1995 I lost everything and moved to Oroville to be close to family and away from the life that I had created. Don’t get me wrong I was unable to leave my addiction behind but I was in a new environment which helped me to understand my addiction. During all this time I was still going to church and thought that I was a Christian. Not until I moved to Oroville was I able to really experience the presence of Jesus. Through praying, church and true friends I realized that I wanted a brand new life, a sober life. So in August I chose to enter a Christ-centered recovery home for people that have alcohol and drug addictions. I was there for almost 9 months. Shortly, I had my very first year of sobriety. I know longer chose to go back to the past. I’m happy with the way my life is going now.
During recovery I learned that God had a plan for me. I found his plan in the Life Recovery Bible
Jeremiah 29:11. In states “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” The Life Recovery Bible explains this passage in this way:
What comfort this verse offers! In our dispair, we must remember that God has a special plan for each of us, he wants to bless us. Our challenge is to act on that knowledge of God’s will and the power to carry it out. Our recovery is an important part of God’s will for us. We can begin the process by recognizing how helpless we are against our dependency and entrusting our life into God’s powerful, yet loving, hands. Realizing how much God loves us and gives us hope for the future.
I am grateful every day that God gives me the courage and strength to be able to stay recovered from my addictions. My prayer is that my testimony will help you or touch you in some way.
In Christ’s Name,
~ LeslieN, a CIR Member