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I have selected Communication, Compassion, Compromise, Commitment, and Christ as five foundations of a great marriage. I believe they all work together to bring harmony and love for couples in marriage.
Do it yourself marriage counseling with God in the forefront is exceptional counsel because it really works! You just need to learn how to work it. Let me ask you a question. What are you now basing your marriage on? Where are you going now for the answers you may need to resolve your marital upheavals? The answer is most likely friends, family, pastors, books, ebooks, etc, or for very few of you, mainstream marriage counseling. Am I right?
We have to know WHO WE ARE before we can choose the right kind of counseling and marital guidance.
I love Winston Churchill's sentiment:
"If you're going through hell, keep going."
Life is tough. Sooner or later, we'll experience a trying situation which feels like hell. It isn't actual hell, thank God. Nevertheless, the power of that notorious situation/trauma makes us feel tortured with pain, despair and hopeless evidence. Eating disorders, addictions, compulsions, loss and grief are just a few examples of things which can feel like hell, if, indeed, torture is its calling card.
It's painful and almost impossible to see future, life, possibility or God. We can, instead, much more easily see ourselves as failures, weak, forgotten and ruined. It's, therefore, inevitable we come to a screeching halt; we stop in the mire and can only feel ourselves sinking…down to where? Greater depths of hell and torture?
But that's not God's truth about us. Even in the middle of hopelessness, God is there… living… loving… working…
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
"Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh. Is there anything too hard for Me?" Jeremiah 32:27
It can be tempting to believe that
I am a Christian but I am married to an unbeliever for almost 7 months. My husband left home about 4 months ago. God wants to restore my marriage?
Marriage Guidance: You’re right. God does want to restore your marriage. So please print this marriage column out and read it with your husband so you both can be responsible for your “part” in the marriage. Let’s start from the beginning.
* Who Established Marriage For His Purpose?
* Who Restores Marriage?
*Who Taught the Principles For Marriage?
Ask Angie: Hi Angie. Does a wife or husband have the obligation of making each other happy? My husband has had 3 failed marriages.
Ask Angie: How sure can you be to enjoy a second marriage when the first one didn't work out? I would also like to know how to enjoy sex anytime he needs it.
Please print out this marriage column and discuss it with your spouse.
Marriage Guidance: What does obligation mean exactly? It means a responsibility or duty to something or someone. In marriage that would mean encouraging, supporting, and caring for one another through those responsibilities. No one can actually make another person happy, no matter what they do, since happiness comes from within the spirit of self. Read the articles at the end of this marriage column with your spouses.
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife and likewise the wife to her husband. 1 Corinthians 7:3
What does the above verse mean? God designed a man and a woman to compliment one another through the roles and positions they have been given in marriage. The husband has a responsibility to his wife to care for and love her in much the same way that Christ cares for and loves His church—the people. The wife has a responsibility to be supportive, submissive and a helpmate to her husband.
Married Life Responsibilities/Obligations
A woman/wife has needs and wants. A husband should take care of his wife’s needs and wants the best he can. Emotionally she needs and wants to feel respected and appreciated by her man. Physically most women need to be protected by their husband’s. Financially she should have all of her basic needs met—shelter, clothes, food. Even if a wife contributes to the finances she is still obligated to be dependent on her husband. She is not independent of her husband just because she has a job or makes more money. This mixed up attitude is what causes problems in marriage. In my opinion marriage works better when a woman is home tending to the things of home and family.
Has your spouse told you they weren't "in love" with you anymore? Well do I have news for you. The saying "I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore" is a worn out cliché. It's not possible to "fall out of love" because you weren't "in love" to begin with. The excuse "I'm not in love with you anymore" is nonsensical. Let me tell you why.
There is no such emotional condition as falling out of love; it's a justification for doing whatever you are planning on doing. It's a way to let your spouse down easy. What you're really feeling and should be saying is "I don't want to love you anymore". It usually means that the attitude towards your spouse and marriage is not what it once was. Perhaps you are talking yourself into having an affair or perhaps you have already had an affair.
The person who says "I'm not in love with you anymore" is searching for a feeling.
The marriage has stopped giving them a feeling they want and expect to have. It is an attitude that builds up after months and or years of a lifeless marriage - a marriage that has no intimacy. This is why quality time spent together (intimacy) is more important than sex in a marriage. Not that sex isn't important, because it is, but that sex IS NOT INTIMACY. Sex may be a part of intimacy but it is not the whole picture.
Intimacy can be as simple as playing a board game or planting seeds together in your garden; or intimacy can be as complex as working together in a business or getting involved in a hobby with your spouse. But couples aren't doing any of these things together anymore! They have drifted apart, each doing their own thing. When couples stop doing things together they lose the intimate bond between them they once shared when they were first married.
I have been divorced for ten years. What should I do?
It is so unfortunate that you felt that your problems were so difficult and unique that there was no way to resolve them. It seems that you are now realizing that most of life's problems are short-lived and that on the other side of them, it is easier to see what would have been the right decision.
by Dale & Juanita Ryan | see: Part 1
We resist getting help
In spite of the abundance of God's love and grace and the many ways in which love and grace are available to us, we do not easily reach out for the help we need. Even when we have acknowledged our need for help, we may find ourselves hesitating, finding excuses, resisting. Resistance to getting help is often the result of a mixture of fear and despair and shame.
It can be frightening to get help. In the process we feel vulnerable and exposed. Jim's Dad had made cutting remarks about him all his life. Jim was so accustomed to hearing that he was lazy and stupid and irresponsible that every time he shared in his support group, he expected to hear these same hurtful comments in response. Even though people didn't respond this way, Jim imagined that everyone must be privately thinking these things about him. As a result, he would sometimes begin to share only to freeze with fear and find himself unable to talk.
by Dale & Juanita Ryan
See: Part 2 | Part 3
The God of the Bible is a God who saves and heals. The Bible is clear about this: He will deliver the needy who cry out, he will rescue them from oppression and violence. Psalm 72: 12,14) When we see our need, acknowledge our inability to save ourselves, and cry out, God delivers us. God rescues us from oppression and violence. Whether it is the oppression and violence of our compulsions and addictions or the oppression and violence of abuse and neglect, God delivers us and heals us. God is powerful enough and loving enough to deliver us from all of the oppression and violence we face.
This is the good news proclaimed in Scripture. And it is the basis for our hope on the recovery journey. We cannot save ourselves. Or heal ourselves. But God can. And God will.
Sound simple? It turns out to be anything but simple. There are several reasons for this. First, we find it hard to believe that God is
... diligently seek him. Hebrews 11:6
Who do we have relationships with? What are our most important relationships? How should we handle our relationships with others? Is our interaction with others pleasing to God?
Who do we have relationships with?
4. Extended family (parents, grandparents, uncles, nieces -- etc)
6. Co-workers and acquaintances
What are our most important relationships? (In this order)
1. God / Jesus Christ