Prison

No-one wanted to deal with me. I was a lost cause to all, that is except for God.

I have been told by many to remain silent. That God would not use a person such as what I was. That miracles do not happen now-a-days, and on and on. It's not understood, so I guess it isn't to be mentioned. That sentiment has came from numerous local believers & church leaders as well as from the majority, seemingly, from the twelve step community here.

But I am not to remain silent. I must serve God rather than man regardless of what others think or believe. I feel inadequate enough, and there is no time for hate and debate. Bill W. had one.

I had to walk through tough times with the courts. I had 14 felony counts. Three counts of sales, loaded handgun, stolen property etc.... When I had my day in court, I was 5 months clean and sober, with two treatment facilities under my belt. I was sentenced to 1 year county jail (not prison) and three years felony probation. The effort I put forth on "changing" my lifestyle (before my court date) made a big difference in the way the Courts, Probation and the District Attorney viewed my case. This year in jail was probably the best thing that happened to me. I see now that I was not arrested, I was rescued.

Psalm 40:3
The Lord has really put a new song in my heart.......A song of praise and thanksgiving. It hasn't always been like that in my life, for my life was anything but peaceful. I was living a secret life although it wasn't a secret from God. What I was involved in wasn't pretty. I had an addiction to pornography, which took me down a path of destruction.

--What was out of control?

I spent 11 years on the streets of Los Angeles and on the road shooting heroin with a child in tow. As a single mom, every bit of my life was consumed with finding a fix and convincing myself that this was a good idea. The implications of this type of life are fairly clear and there are many who have made this trek. Basically, I was a whore, a cheater, a thief (I think media calls them "players" today) and, if I wasn't physically in the gutter, I was morally and spiritually living in the dirt. With out God, either from denial or rejection, one is often "out-of-control."

--How did this affect you?

My name is Tony. I was born in North Carolina and at the age of 1 1/2 moved to the suburbs of Chicago. I was raised without any formal teaching in the area of religion, quite the contrary. My parents were pretty secular in their views and also quite liberal in their thinking. They believed in the Alderian concept of child rearing, which is to say they let me get away with murder( not literally)...

This is a poem written by Richard who is in prison:

Can I have a moment of silence for the addict that will die tonight
for the alcoholic who day after day is losing the fight
for babies born to our disease that will fight all of their life
not knowing recovery's possible and that they have the right
to belong with us in our fellowship yes part of our alliance
where we come to seek comfort happiness not to mention guidance
from one another here everyone is living in reliance
in our community we have a voice where others demand silence

How does one find peace and hope in the midst of desperate circumstances?

John 14:27: "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

Ephesians 2:14: "For he himself is our peace."