Freedom

Self-sabotage: "Hug Me!" "I'm Trying"Premium Content

Hug Me! Do We Fight Our Help?

I love this adorable cartoon post.

Dinosaur number one pleads, "Hug me!" to Dinosaur number two, who responds, "I'm trying."

I immediately thought of the "fighting your help" principle, both on the recovery front and the much larger spiritual playing field.

Many of us struggling with addictions, disorders and vices often employ a lot of self-sabotage when it comes to interaction and, yes, actual help.

We reiterate such statements as...

    "I'm worthless."

    "I'm unlovable."

    "I've made too many mistakes."

With those statements, we push others away; we fight our help.

And, of course, we do this with God.

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The Power of "No!"

A large part of my recovery process involves using the word "no." Indeed, saying "yes" gotten me into more trouble and disease than standing in my own okay-ness with stating it simply, but firmly.

My eating disorder experiences were driven by an insatiable need for perfection, approval and to be pleasing at all cost. So, "no" became a dirty little word. After all, a girl, filled with sugar and spice, should be completely fulfilled with making other people happy.

Right?

Wrong.

Success Is... Grace

And of His fullness have all we received, and grace for grace." John 1:16

As someone recovering from disordered image, food and weight issues, I've long wrestled with the perfection issue. There was a mandate, both self-imposed and emanating from others, to be perfect in behavior, achievement and appearance.

However, this last goal was the most frustrating and demoralizing.

As a child, I was overweight, inheriting my mother's own negative body image perceptions. Later, throughout adolescence, I was bullied, teased and rejected.

And then, adding insult to injury, I felt I could never win when it came to my dad and his expectations.

Optical Illusion: Liar?

Recently, on social media, I saw a brain teaser trending. It was an image that, at first glance, looked like a face. It stated, "Share when you see a word," asking us to look beyond this face value.

And, upon doing so, at a certain angle, one can see a dotted "I" where the nose/nostril is, along with an "a" for the mouth and an "r" creating the chin and neck. And starting the entire face, there is an elaborate "L," making up the two eyes.

So, when we spell the face, what word do we get?

Answer: liar.

The face of addiction, right there, ladies and gentlemen.

The old joke asks:
How do you tell if an addict is lying?
Answer: His/her lips are moving.

Faulty Thinking?

For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he... Proverbs 23:7

We can really do a number on ourselves with our faulty thinking.

How many of us have said the following things to ourselves, about ourselves?

"I'm...
...worthless...
...ugly...
...fat...
...weak...
...stupid...
...a failure...
...never good enough..."

And then, if we're plagued with disordered eating and body image issues, it gets amplified even further.

The Silent Voice of TemptationPremium Content

Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. Proverbs 4:23


Artist, Gerald Moira, creator of the 1898 piece, "The Silent Voice," is a haunting image. In it, we see a young woman with an ethereal creature whispering in her ear.

To me, it calls to mind recovery from addiction as it relates to silence and the voice. Personally speaking, my restrictive abusive childhood discouraged any use of my voice which was considered displeasing. "Children are to be seen and not heard." That's how the saying goes.

And that sentiment had its oppressive hand in my eating disorder development and thought processes. Things "innocently" started out as a desire to lose weight and be thin. But it wasn't long before the disorders, in all of their different forms, became about control and exerting my declaration of independence. In short, disordered eating/image became my voice screaming against the silenced abuse, inequity and toxic environment I endured.

But, just because I've been removed from that confining time and space, does not mean my need to deal with those triggering voices is over. Quite the contrary, in fact. For whispers still come from unexpected corners.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. Proverbs 18:21

And these whispers are certainly not affirming. In the context of disorder and self-destructive tendencies, the whispers go more like this instead…

Remember when things used to be so great...

Remember how in control you were...

Remember how much better you looked being thinner...

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Grace Brings Context to Our Lives

The Grace of Jesus brings true context to our lives. If you examine your meaning by any other context, you cheapen your worth. Also, relationships viewed through the lenses of Grace take on an unalterable value. Apart from Grace we tend to use people and love things. Grace implores us to use things and love people!

The Word became a human being; we are his address; he resides in us! He captivates our gaze! The glory we see there is not a religious replica; he is the authentic begotten son. The glory (that Adam lost) returns in fullness! Only grace can communicate truth in such complete context! He is the source of our completeness.

Are You a Bird on a String?

For I see that you are full of bitterness and captive to sin. Acts 8:23

If the Son sets you free--you will be free indeed! John 8:36

A bird that is tied by a string--seems to have more liberty than a bird in a cage; it flutters up and down--and yet it is held just as fast.

When a man thinks that he has escaped from the bondage of sin in general, and yet evidently remains under the power of some one favored lust--he is woefully mistaken in his judgment as to his spiritual freedom. He may boast that he is out of the cage--but assuredly, the string is on his leg!

Our Inner Cookie Monster?Premium Content

Most of us have grown up with Cookie Monster on Sesame Street. We know the cute, blue fuzz ball who just gets frantic at the sight and thought of cookies. Anyone out there in that club?

For those of us with food and body image issues, the preoccupation can be toward any food. Perhaps cookies are not the thing which compels us. Maybe it’s ice cream, pasta, candy bars, crackers or Jell-O. Whatever our “thing” is, it seems to render us obsessed and, before we know it, we’re acting just like our blue friend.

“C is for cookie - and that’s good enough for me.” Indeed.

Scripture tells us we’re missing a huge point in our monster obsession with cookies or anything else which is tasty:

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When the Past Haunts UsPremium Content

I often find myself going over and over the past,like when I am trying to go to sleep at night and can't because of these thoughts. All the fear and panic of the past creeps into my present. It is as if I re-live it all in real time. It can be extremely painful both spiritually and emotionally.

I have come to learn a few things.

1. I can always learn from my past and I think we are supposed to learn from our past mistakes and missteps.

2. Satan can use the past to keep me in bondage. And that is certainly not the will of God. The last thing I want is to be doing what Satan wants. So, when these thoughts come back to me I pray. I ask God for healing in this area of my life.

When the past comes back to haunt me it can be something from years ago or from just yesterday. Usually the result is confusion in my entire being. But scripture teaches:

For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace. 1 Corinthians 14:33

So I have to wonder if it is not Satan who drags some of this stuff up to confuse me, to make all of these emotions boil over and create a mess. Now, I am not saying I have to ignore these feelings and emotions. They should and must be dealt with in a godly and biblical fashion. But I cannot allow them to create confusion and a mess in my life. I have to be aware of these emotions and deal with them, not allow the pot to boil over.

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