Freedom

I Searched to Find a Touch from God

When I was lost and so alone,
my heart felt such despair.
I searched to find a touch from God,
Or just a friend to care.

Yet fear had built a wall of stone
Around my trembling soul,
And kept me from the path of hope
where God could make me whole.

I searched at church to try to find
Acceptance, love and hope,
But there I found folks just like me,
Deep pain with masks to cope.

One day I found in cyberspace
A haven safe and kind,
Where I could be just who I am
And share what's on my mind.

I grew by steps and then by bounds,
God's love became so real.
Becoming free by sharing pain,
My heart began to heal.

So thank you friends at CIR
For daring to reach out.

I was Drowning

To tell what CIR has meant to me is to tell a story of survival - a life saved - spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

I do not consider it a mere coincidence or stroke of luck as to how I came to find Christians in Recovery. I have no doubts whatsoever that God led me directly to this wonderful place. I was literally losing my life, drowning in a sea of addictions, SSA, depression, and drugs... all the effects of past sexual abuse.

I Am Taking the Steps

At a time in my life when I couldn't see clearly, Christians in Recovery helped me to take the steps I needed to take. I am in counseling right now because of someone from CIR leading me to the place where I received help to find a counselor. I have come really far through the help of CIR and especially through Christ Jesus.

Right now I am taking the steps that I need to take. For the first time in years I went to a church. If I can do that with His help I am positive that I will be able to go back to work in time. It is written I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me.

I Realized I was No Longer in Control

My name is Michael, and I am an alcoholic. I have been sober for over 15 years now. I once said this: "Almost from day one I was scared and I have been scared ever since." That is not true anymore. Yes, I do have fear, but I know, in Jesus name, where that fear comes from and how to handle it. Knowing this is a miracle. I once hid behind alcohol and other things in order to avoid the fear.

I came out of hiding when I sobered up and boy was I scared. All I could do then in my early sober life, as I do now, is to give that fear over to Jesus. It hurt horribly, and often still does…to have that kind of fear and insecurity and lack of faith in myself. Coming out of hiding was the hardest thing I ever did. It hurt like hell, and it was very scary. But I have handled things better and better now for over 1,923 sober days. It hasn't been easy, but then is life ever easy?

I bought into this with my Lord Jesus on the morning of October 22, 1994. I was sitting on a bench in front of Rizzoli's book shop in Williamsburg, Virginia. The family was out and about in the stores. In Rizzoli's I had just perused through a biography of Jack Kerouac, the famous author of "On The Road", which was a defining book of my teenage years. I remember when Kerouac died up in Massachusetts when I was a graduate student there. All of the pictures recording his life, particularly the later ones, showed Jack with a bright gleam in his eye. He was a major drinker. He did not get past 50. He bled to death from his esophagus. The actor Peter Lawford bought it that way too.

Lisa and Gambling

Addiction is a powerful bondage that binds us to the sins of the world. It is an evil spirit that is sent by Satan into our lives to deceive us and destroy our lives ever so slowly. It is like a long, long line that he has hooked us with and is ever so slowly reeling us closer and closer. When you get close enough he has you in his grasp forever. All the fun that you thought you were having along the way is over and you live a life of hell.

Some people choose to commit suicide as they begin to feel the pain of his hook pulling and tugging them in. They kill themselves to try and escape the destruction that they feel in their lives. Little do they know that by pulling the trigger or popping the pills that they are caught for everlasting eternity and cast into hell. Satan smiles as he puts another soul into his net.

There are many types of bondage's or addictions in the world that Satan tries to hook us with: alcohol, drugs, sex, and gambling are some of the big ones. No matter what your addiction is, no matter how long you've been bound to it, it is not too late to get released and free from it. Don't let Satan reel you in any closer! Break free from that line and get away while you can! But you ask, "How?" How do you free yourself? Let me tell you. You cannot do it by yourself. You have to have help. You have to ask for help and then be willing to receive your rescue.

I was a gambler. That was my bondage. I was very addicted to the game. Horse races, casino's, the lottery, etc.

Katherine: Not Recovering but Fully Recovered!!

After I finished my freshman year of college, I got saved at a Christian church here. I went out and got a little pocket Bible so I could read the Word where ever I was. Well, I was taking this psychology class in summer school and got really bored so I open up the Word. I don't think that this was more than two or three weeks after I got saved.

Anyway, so here I am sitting and reading the Word and I "just happen" to be in Colossians and I read Chapter 2 verses 8-10:
"Beware lest anyone cheat you through philosophy and EMPTY deceit, according to the tradition of men, according to the basic principles of the world, and not according to Christ. For in Him dwells all the fullness of the God head bodily; and you are complete in Him, who is the head of all principality and power." (Colossians 2:8-10)

Needless to say, I packed up my bag and left in the middle of class, ran

I am a Homosexual Choosing to Walk Under God's Authority

During my quiet time with God this morning, I was reminded of the words from a song written centuries ago: "0 Love, that wilt not let me go." These words have stayed with me all day as I have sought to better understand what they could mean. Throughout the day, I have spoken them over and over many times. They have put a smile on my face and given me a deep inner peace. They have also made me weep from the bottom of my heart.

Two pictures come to mind as I think about these eight words: "O Love, that wilt not let me go."

God Chooses the Improbable

"You did not choose me, but I chose you..."John 15:16a

I know what you're thinking: "God chooses others, but not me."

You think it's because of your secret, don't you? The awful thing in your past — that abortion or that affair; your divorce; the rape; the sexual abuse; the shameful business failure; your drug usage; alcoholism; criminal past. etc. Like the clumsy, nearsighted child no one picks for playground sports, you want God's favor, His grace, but it seems beyond your wildest dreams. It's not.The poem "The Chosen Vessel" tells how God picks a vessel to use: "Take me," cried the gold one. "I'm shiny and bright,"I'm of great value and I do things just right." But God passes by the gold, silver, brass, crystal, and wooden urns, and chooses the vessel of clay. The poem explains why:

Then the Master looked down and saw a vessel of clay.
Empty and broken, it helplessly lay.

No hope had the vessel that the Master might choose,
to cleanse and make whole, to fill and to use.
"Ah! This is the vessel I've been hoping to find,
I will mend and use it and make it all mine."

Power In Discovering Your Audience

Coming from a theater background, I'm no stranger to an audience.

"All the world's a stage... And one man in his time plays many parts..."

In William Shakespeare's play, "As You Like It," Act II Scene VII, purpose-filled life is compared to that of a theatre stage.

How much more does that apply for those of us recovering from addiction, disorder or abuse?

Besides my theater background, I also have an eating disorder history as well. In college, I battled both anorexia and bulimia.

Indeed, during my sophomore year, desperate in my bulimic behavior, I began to dumpster dive...

"... I'd try to play it off, pretending everything was normal as people passed by me scrounging in the dumpster... in broad daylight... I couldn't hide any longer from others what I was doing... people were noticing..."*
*Excerpt from Sheryle Cruse's book, "Thin Enough: My Spiritual Journey Through the Living Death of an Eating Disorder"

This was an unwelcomed audience for me.

Nevertheless, people saw. And, no matter how I tried, I could not escape the Presence of the Most High.

For a long time, I fought God.

The Trigger of Grief

In the work of recovery, we address the danger of triggers. Its very word itself suggests the power to cause us harm:

"Something that precipitates a particular event or situation; To set off; initiate; To fire or explode."


On one August morning of 2003, I encounter such a trigger. The phone rang. My dad was dead.

My grief, for the next year and a half, was an alarming, unexpected reality. And each subsequent "anniversary" proves equally tricky also. Both defy what I thought I would - or should - be experiencing.

After all, coming from an abusive childhood, I didn't think the loss of this pain-inflicting parent would register as significantly as it did.

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