Stopping Destructive Self-talk

For those of us that are in recovery, whatever the substance, activity or behavior might be you can here the "mantra", which is a phrase or often repeated expression or idea that dominates the individual’s every thought." It often justifies the behavior as being acceptable to those who are within hearing range.

  • "I'm not hooked, I just like the feeling that ______________ gives me."

  • "I can quite anytime, I just don't see any reason to do so."

Whether your struggle is with cigarettes, food, overwork, relationships, gambling, etc. The cause is always the same. The cigarette, doughnut, or wager is not the problem. It is the effect that those things give you and not the cause. The cause is the feelings we get when the activity or behavior is carried out. We smoke, over-eat, or even over-work because we want to feel good.

The problem is the way we are choosing to feel good has a cost, a consequence attached. The price we pay for that feel-good moment makes it very difficult to stop and to move on to more positive behavior, and just to remind you, willpower is not enough.

We Are Given Tools To Work With
Spiritual self-talk is a tremendous tool for developing your power of choice. It helps you expand the brief moment of decision between what stimulates us and the response to that Stimulus. What, you might ask is the stimulus, it is the physical and mental experience of knowing how that stimulus "feels".

This "feel-good" stimulus occurs naturally and by God’s design. Man has tried to figure out exactly how He put us all together, and have failed miserably, so here are some reminders about the tools that were given to us… free of charge. They are tools that can activate your power of choice! Tools that are enormously powerful. But they have to be applied or they will rust and loose their edge.

Supper Tools

  • When we find ourselves slipping into the habit of explaining why we believe as we do. Make no mistake this is part of the process of "DENIAL". Others that we interact with can see that the behavior that we choose to apply is nothing but our attempt to cover-up what we are doing. This creates mental movies that are a huge energy drain. When you see yourself starting to drift into a mental argument with someone say to yourself, "There are higher things to think about." Romans 12:2.

  • Supernatural intervention refers to the enormous power of instant recovery. You don't have to be caught by the past, either recent or distant. Now is new! You need not obey five minutes ago or five years ago. Say to yourself often, "I am new now!" Colossians 3:9-10.
  • Declaring that "Even though I didn't know there was a better way, I accept my feelings for the moment and I choose to be open to trying something new." When you acknowledge that you have faulty and unbalanced thinking, you will be able catch depression, anxiety or any negative emotion when it first appears. It is like a snowball rolling down a hill. At the top of the hill the snowball is small and can easily be stopped. Negativity is the same way. It is very weak when it first starts to form. At the first sign of negativity from others or your own thoughts say, "I need not let You enter my life and take over my mind."
  • So much mental anguish is caused by defending ourselves when we make a mistake. Whatever your lifestyle is today, you most certainly will make mistakes. It is part of the learning process. People who are afraid to make mistakes never grow. Give yourself permission to make mistakes as long as you re willing to accept the consequence and choose to correct that situation. And when you see you've made one be quick to say, "I am wrong." 1 Corinthians 10:12-13.
  • One of the interesting things about a spiritual journey is that just before a breakthrough to a new and higher level your inner world becomes shaky and confused, (doubt). A part of you wants to go back and settle down with some stability. But you can't go back, what has happened is past, new and greater things are just ahead for you. When you see this happening don't try to hold things together. Say to yourself, "I wonder what will happen if I go a little further?"
  • You can use the following statement whenever someone or something attempts to lead you into negative behavior. With this statement you are free! Nothing can touch you. Why? Because you do not react! You do not grab hold. You simply say to yourself, "Even though a part of me thinks that I would benefit I choose not to be led into that behavior."
  • We need supernatural power to overcome what is happening in our inner world. Like a hamster in a cage, the mind wants to spin around and around thinking there is part of our path that we haven’t yet experienced. Thinking in this way is a giant waste of energy. But how do we stop it? Often, throughout the day, you can use the following statement to remind yourself of the present moment. Notice the contrast between the spin state and the awareness state. Which feels better? Say to yourself often, "I am here." Romans 9:20-21.
  • As we continue on this supernatural journey the more a definite attitude begins to form within us. We begin to see that challenging experiences are a good thing because those attitude changes temper our spiritual development. In the beginning we thought it was all about peace and comfort; another moment of pleasure. But we come to see that we really don't grow in comfort. We grow when things are rough. We learn the most when all our inner resources are challenged. Say, "Lord, even though I have moments of doubt I chose You to provide whatever I need." Deuteronomy 4:29-31.
  • You can see how often in this article, that God has given us the tools to apply for our benefit. Other people are NOT our problem. Our problem is our own reaction to the things that happen to us and around us, and the fact that we are more concerned with our circumstances and what others might say, and more importantly what the don’t say that we react prematurely, making the decisions we make even more difficult, and without thought of their consequence. Say to yourself, "Even though I continue to say and do things that are not beneficial, I choose not to behave back to You the way I have behaved toward myself." Matthew 22:39.

Willingness To Use The Tools We Have Been Given
Many of us have known for some time that we have permission use the tools that God has given us in order that we may increase or self-worth by simply substituting the myriad beliefs that have controlled us, and thereby reduce or eliminate those beliefs.

But first you will need to know just a little about how God made our brain to work.

Thinking Differently
It was formally believed that Psychology was the only acceptable way to understand human behavior. Today, Kinesiology (body movement) is used to identify the source of subconscious denials and memories that suppress the destructive effects of destructive self-talk in order to free the conscious mind to create positive new options for behavior, thoughts and feelings. Thereby giving the conscious mind the power to create and manifest productive NEW CHOICES.

We have a supernatural ability to improving the quality of life by eliminating stress. It is our spiritual journey leading to a greater understanding of what God has intended for us from the beginning, and that is to exercise good choices. Armed with these tools you will relate to others from a place of compassion and understanding, and others will relate to you in a different way. The more you experience His work, the more you will be in touch with your true nature. Genesis 1:29.

The importance of Our own self-appraisals in determining how we experience life in general is of course paramount because we are automatically judging ourselves every moment of the day, and unfortunately, roughly 95% of the time our self-appraisals are likely to be negative, and expressed as a form of self criticism. What we say to ourselves is apt to consist mostly of doubt, self blame, disappointment with ourselves, and anxiety over our actions etc. In recovery I’m sure you’re familiar with the list of mental gymnastics.

If We Were Paying Attention - Geneses 2:2 and Matthew 3:17
In the above passages God teaches that every living creature thrives on receiving positive attention and is in trouble if they don’t get it, and one of the most desirable forms of appreciation for a human being is "THANKS" in any form (you can substitute the words "gratitude" or "appreciation" or even "recognition" for "thanks" if those words feel more comfortable to you). It makes no difference whether this thanks (appreciation, etc.) comes to us in the form of a smile, an approving affirmation, or a physical gesture such as a hug or a pat on the back, or in some other way, gives the individual a genuine appreciation that literally makes a living creature like us grow and thrive. It makes life worthwhile, don’t you think?

Here are some examples of positive affirmations.:
"I’m grateful to myself for making my breakfast (or making the effort to eat this food, etc.)." "I’m grateful to myself for making my breakfast (or making the effort to eat this food, etc.)."

Of course you can substitute a condition, activity or behavior in place of "breakfast."

Another phrase might be, "Lord I deeply and profoundly accept myself."

There are endless ways to phrase a positive affirmation. For more information on how to implement this tool please email me and I will be glad to send you the information at my earliest convenience.

~ * ~
Copyright by James Aquila, N.D., CAd.
All rights reserved. Used by permission.
Dr. Aquila, author/teacher is a gifted communicator.
He has authored five books and several pamphlets on addictions
and their effect on relationships. James also writes other
articles appearing in CIR.

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