Step 4

Self-Forgiveness

An alcoholic woman told me, “My dad was always drunk and in and out of prison.” She sniffled and continued, “I hated him for that. Now I’m doing the same thing to my family.” She leaned over my desk, sobbed and said, “I can’t forgive myself.”

A drug addict told me he couldn’t forgive himself because his use left him with short-term memory loss and in financial ruin.

Jesus said on the cross, “It is finished.” John 19:30 He never said it is finished except for alcoholics and other addicts.

Do you identify with them? What is at the root of this lack of self-forgiveness?

Maybe you’ve done something awful. You asked God for forgiveness and He forgave you (1 John 1:9). However, you think you need to punish yourself anyway. God doesn’t need your help. Jesus paid the price in full for your forgiveness.

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You May Not Hate But…. Do You Love?

John 8:12 NRSV
Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life.”

I am by nature probably more like a chicken than any other animal on the planet. I like to wake up with the sun and go to sleep with the sun. In the winter, I like to sleep for long periods of time in the darkness and in the summer, I am up with the light and energetic until the darkness comes. For me, all this is is a quirk of physiology or training or something. It makes it difficult for me to entertain others long into the night because I begin to drop off after nine, but other than that, it is simply a personal eccentricity. We all have them.

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Do You Practice Humility?

Humility is not something regularly taught these days. Preachers focus on salvation, on relationships, and some focus on integrity (though not many). But it’s been a long time since I heard someone teach on humility. Peter has an interesting take on humility. He states that it is the foundation of all relationships: “You must cloth yourselves with humility in your dealings with one another.” For me, there are three aspects to humility when I deal with those around me.

1 Peter 5:5-9 NRSV

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Step Four and Prayer

The 4th Step, taking one’s own inventory, can be quite intimidating. But like many other things in our lives as Christians, it should be approached first and foremost in prayer.

Psalm 139:23-24 KJV
Search me, O God, and know my heart:
try me, and know my thoughts:
And see if [there be any] wicked way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

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Step 4 – Defensive Self-righteousness

As you take inventory you will be tempted to become defensive. Our life patterns are part of us. When we start to look at them honestly for the first time in our lives, our immediate reaction is to dig in our heels and try to justify our past behavior.

In the fourth step you have to be relentlessly honest. You have to look at yourself objectively and refuse to defend anything that is wrong in your life (past or present). The first step out of your dark pit and into the light and victory starts with complete honesty.

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Dealing with Disappointment in Self

Disappointment in self
Who hasn’t felt it?
Chatter of internal communication
Falls silent
Image of parent past
Comes to life
Bigger than life
Immovable
…and angry.
Visceral dread
Spreads.
Tightness in throat
Shallowness of breathing
Bowing of head
Awareness narrows
Awaiting arrows
Certainly deserved…

SURPRISE!!
It’s a FEELING!!

Deep breath
Expanded focus
Gaze lifts
Shoulders relax
Honest reflection sorts wheat from chaff
Chatter begins
Balance restored
Everything flows
Decisions made
Self released…

Forgiveness is such a gift.

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Applying “Old School” A.A. in Today’s 12-Step Fellowships

What the First, Original, Akron A.A. Program Was and Did

The way the first three AAs-Bill W., Dr. Bob, Bill D.-got sober before there was a “Big Book.” See The Dick B. Christian Recovery Guide, 3rd ed., 2010, pp. 57-59.

    1. There were no Steps;

    2. There were no Traditions;

    3. There was no “Big Book”;

    4. There were no “drunkalogs” (of the kind seen today); and

    5. There were no meetings (of the kinds seen today).

Instead, each of the first three AAs:

    1. believed in God;

    2. was a Christian;

    3. asked God for deliverance; and

    4. received the requested deliverance from God.

The Summary by Frank Amos, Published in DR. BOB and the Good Oldtimers, page 131.

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A Right Heart


1) A right heart is a NEW heart (Ezek. 36:26). It is not the heart with which a person is born—but another heart put in them by the Holy Spirit. It is a heart which has new tastes, new joys, new sorrows, new desires, new hopes, new fears, new likes, new dislikes. It has new views about the soul, sin, God, Christ, salvation, the Bible, prayer, heaven, hell, the world, and holiness. It is like a farm with a new and good tenant. “Old things are passed away. Behold all things are become new” (2 Cor. 5:17).

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When We Have to Wait

Tarry in the city of Jerusalem, until you are endued with power from on high. Luke 24:49

He commanded them not to depart from Jerusalem, but to wait for the Promise of the Father. Acts 1:4

These waiting days were necessary to enable the disciples to realize their need, their nothingness, their failure and their dependence upon the Master. They had to get emptied first, before they could get filled.

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