Relationships

How To Stay Faithful In Your Marriage

Did you know that our thoughts and beliefs become actions over time? The more we think about being with other people outside of our marriage, the more these thoughts will become our actions. Knowing this then, the first step to conquer infidelity is not to have the desires within our mind in the first place. Easier said than done? Not really.

We desire others sexually because we have been conditioned into believing its ok to do so – it’s a mindset. We have been trained to desire others sexually at a young age, and we have been conditioned into believing it’s ok to look at scantily dressed women and men. Our conscience may even tell us that it’s wrong to actually commit the act of sex outside of marriage, but does our conscience tell us that the desire is wrong?

The bible definitely lets us know that desiring others sexually is wrong because it leads to sin, so then what is the problem? The problem is we aren’t going to the root of the problem. The root of sexual lust is in how we think towards human beings. So then to stop the desire we only have to change the way we think about others. Are we really respecting others in the way that Christ has taught us to? If we truly respect another person then we should have the attitude to not think about desiring them lustfully and disrespecting them in any way.

You were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge in the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command: “Love you neighbor as yourself.” Galatians 5:13-14

How To Stay Faithful In Your Marriage Read More »

Overcoming Porn

** Are you having less sex with your spouse or stopped having sex with your spouse because you are looking at pornography?
** Are unhealthy emotions overtaking your thoughts and controlling the outcome of your actions?
** Have you tried to quit looking at porn but can’t?

If you answered yes to any one of these then you are addicted. Anytime we are addicted to something it means we are under its control and have become a slave to it. Does being addicted to porn mean you are a bad person? Not necessarily.

What it means is that you have a sexual temptation that you desire more than you desire the goodness of self brought on by God. You are allowing the sin to overwrite the natural goodness of your character. Satan is pulling at your flesh to look at porn, while principles and mores are put on hold somewhere in your mind.

Bad people remain in their addiction all the while getting worse spiritually and emotionally. Bad people don’t even try to come out of their addiction but rather revel in it and eventually get worse in their sinful behavior. Bad people don’t know they are lost, they believe they are following the right path already. Bad people are literally holding hands with Satan.

Some of you might be playing a game of tug and war because your conscience is having a difficult time dealing with your actions. This is the flesh (physical and emotional feelings) fighting with the spiritual aspects of your nature. The spiritual aspect of self knows right from wrong. Which way are you tugging? Did you fall into temptation again?

Overcoming Porn Read More »

Are Negative Emotions Controlling You?

Emotions play a big role in our life. They are active and alive twenty-four hours a day, even in our dreams. Emotions literally tell us what to do with our marriage, family, job, career, self, and how we love others. If we don’t control the course that our emotions run, we might be heading down the road towards destruction.

Are you allowing emotions to control your life?

When was the last time you got angry? What do you do when your friend turns their back on you? What do you do when your spouse disrespects you? What do you do when your children continue to misbehave?

What happens if your emotions tell you that you don’t love your spouse anymore? What are you going to do? Do you let jealousy and resentment tell you what to do in certain circumstances?

Before we can understand the full potential of our self and our emotions we need to understand a little bit about who we are, and why we do and say the things we do. How do we handle our selves with certain issues and particular circumstances?

What do we do when conflict rears its ugly head in our marriage? We get emotional, right? We lash out with anger, or we clam up in resentment, or express our self improperly. Are we letting our emotions rule our marriage, our self, and our life?

Are Negative Emotions Controlling You? Read More »

When Valentine’s Day Is Difficult

“I hate Valentine’s Day. I’m divorced, and I don’t have a boyfriend.” Jenny had stopped me in the parking lot of the gym to lament her situation.

“At one time, I also dreaded Valentine’s Day but not anymore.”

Jenny raised her brows and said, “What changed?”

“Let me share with you what my mentors taught me. If I want flowers and candy, I buy them.”

She raised her brows again but said nothing.

“I don’t want to be in a restaurant at dinnertime on Valentine’s Day, but I can go out to breakfast and lunch or order dinner to go.

That made Jenny smile. I told her about the times I scheduled a massage or bought a new outfit on sale. She nodded.

When Valentine’s Day Is Difficult Read More »

Afraid of Recovery?

But the men who had gone up with him said, “We are not able to go up against the people, for they are too strong for us.” So they gave out to the sons of Israel a bad report of the land which they had spied out, saying, “The land through which we have gone, in spying it out, is a land that devours its inhabitants; and all the people whom we saw in it are men of great size. “There also we saw the Nephilim (the sons of Anak are part of the Nephilim); and we became like grasshoppers in our own sight, and so we were in their sight.” Numbers 13:31-33


Here was the land of milk and honey right before them yet the few men who went with Caleb were intimidated by it. They looked for excuses: “The inhabitants are stronger than us.” “We are too weak.” “The land eats people up!” “They are giants, we are insects!”

How many of us have seen recovery as a land promise, of milk and honey yet been so intimidated that we would not venture into it. “My addiction (dysfunction or illness) is too strong.” “I am too weak.” “Recovery will destroy who I am!” “I am too insignificant to even think about recovery!”

We see people around us who are not drinking/drugging, over eating, gambling, indulging in sex and porn and they are HAPPY! Others have overcome mental and physical illness. They are living fulfilled and renewed lives. We want it yet … something makes us afraid–we see giants before us. Great obstacles between us and recovery.

Afraid of Recovery? Read More »

Using Money to Gain “Friends” & Control Your Life

We are deluged with pictures of parties, frivolity, and laughter… in commercials and advertisements. Everyone seems so happy! And all because they bought ___________ (fill in the blank). In other words, they had money. And because of the money, they had friends.

Wealth brings many friends,
but the poor are left friendless. Proverbs19:4 NRSV

Proverbs confirms it. Money brings friends. But what kind of friends? More importantly, what will happen to those friends when the money disappears?

Some friends play at friendship but a true friend sticks closer than one’s nearest kin. Proverbs 18:24 NRSV

A person who is my friend because I have the money to entertain them or to give them isn’t really my friend.
A friend loves at all times. Proverbs 17:17 NRSV

If someone is truly my friend, she will be there even during the hard times.

But this proverb is more than just about friends. It’s about money and how we desire it in order to change and control our lives. We think that with money life will be easier; things will be better. We might even be more popular. The Lord Jesus talked about money:

Using Money to Gain “Friends” & Control Your Life Read More »

Is it Possible to Actually Seek Rejection?

“Actors search for rejection. If they don’t get it, they reject themselves.”
~Charlie Chaplin


As someone with a theater background, I’ve often encountered rejection.

I’ve endured many auditions and have heard my fair share of no. I didn’t look the part, sound the part, I couldn’t get a handle on a certain accent or I simply was not “good enough.”

Ah, yes, “good enough.” For many of us perfectionists and/or recovering addicts, this little phrase cuts right to the core.

In one way or another, we are recovering from something in life. And yes, it’s often fueled by rejection.

Is it Possible to Actually Seek Rejection? Read More »

What If Christmas Isn’t Merry?


What pops into your mind when you think of Christmas?

Colored lights, tinsel, festive decorations? Familiar music, parties, family gatherings? Joy, the promise of a Savior, God with us?

How about death, loss, and grief? That’s probably not what you expected.

Christmas is a time for glad tidings of great joy, but we also must be sensitive to those for whom the holiday invokes painful memories and highlights difficult circumstances. This isn’t the cheeriest of holiday greetings. I hope you’ll forgive me for reminding us that we’re likely to encounter folks that can’t quite share our holly-jolly spirit.

What If Christmas Isn’t Merry? Read More »

Surviving the Holidays: Some Tips for People in Recovery

For most people, the weeks between Thanksgiving and the New Year are a special time of joy and celebration. Yet, it can be an extremely difficult and stressful time for those who are just beginning to recover from addiction to alcohol and drugs. Spending the holidays in a shelter or residential recovery program is hard.

Here’s a few simple thoughts that can make the experience a little more tolerable

A. Remember the spiritual significance of the holidays – This time of year is a major commercial event for America’s retailers. It is also a time for special celebrations of family and goodwill. Still, we must remember that “Jesus is the Reason for the Season”. Above all else, we are celebrating God’s sending of His only Son to be our Savior and Redeemer. Keeping Christmas as a spiritual celebration puts all of our other expectations for the holiday season in proper perspective.

B. Don’t isolate – The holidays can be the loneliest time of the year for the recovering addict. On one hand, we are reminded of all the relationships we’ve messed up. Some will spend Christmas haunted by memories loved ones and friends they’ve alienated with destructive and manipulative behavior. We know, too, if we want to keep our sobriety, we must avoid people who are still using alcohol and drugs. What’s the solution? Take advantage of the new sober acquaintances God has brought your way. Reach out to those around you and use this holiday season s as a special opportunity to get to know them better.

Surviving the Holidays: Some Tips for People in Recovery Read More »

Geese – This is what Christian Recovery is all about

This is what Christians in Recovery is all about:

Next fall, when you see geese heading south for the winter, flying along in ‘V’ formation, you might consider what science has discovered as to why they fly that way. As each bird flaps its wings, it creates an uplift for the bird immediately following. By flying in ‘V’ formation, the whole flock adds at least 71 percent greater flying range than if each bird flew on its own.

People who share a common direction and sense of community can get where they are going more quickly and easily, because they are traveling on the thrust of one another.

When a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of trying to go it alone – and quickly gets back into formation to take advantage of the lifting power of the bird in front.

Geese – This is what Christian Recovery is all about Read More »