Relationships

Pornography Addiction: What Can A Man Do?

1. Recognize The Cause of Your Addiction:

First of all the most important thing you can do is figure out why you are addicted to pornography by recognizing what the root of the problem is. Do whatever it takes to bring it out in the open with yourself and then take the necessary steps to eradicate the sexual cravings from your mind. Do you think you can stop at anytime on your own free will? Easier said than done, right?

Do you have negative feelings towards someone or about something bad that happened in your life? If negative issues don’t get resolved within your mind your sub-conscience will bring them back out in your actions. Only you can know for sure what it is that has caused pain and suffering within you. And only you can do something about it! Make it right for yourself in your mind, and do whatever you need to do to fix the problem.

2. Take the Blinders Off and Open Your Eyes:

I know this sounds harsh but look what closed mindedness towards God does to you! What you think and believe on a continual basis brings you into a life based upon those thoughts and beliefs. If our mind is not on God then what is it on?

Can a blind man lead a blind man? Will they not both fall into a pit? Luke 6:39

Have you ever stopped to think that you’re addicted to pornography because of your unwillingness to base your life upon a spiritual and moral foundation? Simply put, your philosophy is with the world and not God. Some of you have even been conditioned into believing that viewing pornography is acceptable for you life. But I encourage you to break free from this kind of thinking, which leads to sin, and seek out the true source and foundation for your life.

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My Husband is Looking at Porn. What Should I Do?

Ask Angie: Angie, my husband is a Christian, and I just found out that he has been looking at porn on the Internet for about a month. How do I have a relationship with him after this? We went through this when we first got married 19 years ago…I don’t think I can do it again!

Marriage Guidance: You have to see your husband underneath the cloak of this addiction. Addiction is not who he is but what he has allowed to filter into his heart and mind. You need to pray about his recovery and ask God to give you the strength to get through these hard times in your marriage. Some husbands lie to themselves and believe its ok to look at naked women and men. But the truth is its not ok if you have stopped enjoying your wife. It’s not ok if you look forward to viewing women on the Internet instead of the woman you married and that God has blessed you with. It would be a good idea to print this marriage column out and read through it with your husband. Work together on this issue by being supportive and encouraging. Try and be your husbands other half (help mate) rather than an antagonist. You both need to sit down and talk through this with respect and consideration of each others feelings. Some husbands are in denial and believe they don’t have a problem with porn. But since you said your husband is a Christian or trying to be a Christian then he is not in denial and should work towards inner healing. Help him do that.

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Testimonies About CIR

The following are unsolicited, direct quotes from real people who have been ministered to by CIR. Though Jesus Christ, CIR impacts lives, saves lives and changes lives.

~*~

Thank you for the many many resources that have helped to benefit me greatly during a long period of recurring losses and depression. I know without a doubt that God led me to the CIR website, and the benefits received during my long membership will continue to be an invaluable gift of healing for myself, and others with whom I can share my uncovered strength and wisdom. Thank you CIR! ~Dolores

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Integrity: Watching What We Say

Integrity is as much what we say as what we do.

We have tried, in our culture, to separate what we say from what we do. “Do as I say, not as I do” is a phrase I heard periodically growing up. But the fact is, we are what we say. Our words, in fact, are often predictors of our actions and are certainly revealers of our hearts.

Proverbs 19:1 NRSV
Better the poor walking in integrity
than one perverse of speech who is a fool.

This proverb compares two people, one who “walks in integrity” without wealth and one who is “perverse in speech” and a fool. The inference, of course, is that the one who is perverse in speech has more material wealth than the other. The writer tells us that it’s better to be poor and have integrity than to be wealthy and a fool. And what makes a fool? Someone whose speech is perverse.

To be perverse means to turn away from what’s good and right. Think about that. Are our words good? Do they glorify the Lord? Or are they hurtful… or mean… or simply degrading? What are perverse words anyway?

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Hold Your Hands Out

Can you hold out your hands in front of you, open, palms up, with all that you have and all that you are or will ever become held in them?

Can you keep them open like this, open to the Lord?

Then you are beginning to know THE TRUE FAITH!

Will you refrain from grasping, self-promoting, or gloating? Will you love those He gives you to care for, as they continue on their journey, passing through your hands? Or will you have your own agenda for them, push and manipulate by fear or condemnation and guilt?

Will you give what He tells you to give, and let go what was never yours in the first place? All is His!

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Little Sins

“Anyone who breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same — will be called least in the kingdom of Heaven.” Matthew 5:19

A great many people are careful about breaking large commandments and committing heinous sins — while they commit “little sins” continually and without scruple.

They would not tell a direct lie for the world — but their speech is full of little falsehoods!

They would not steal money from the purse or drawer of another — and yet they continually commit small thefts! For example, by mistake the grocer gives them a penny too much change — and they do not think of returning it. Through the carelessness of a postal worker, the postage stamp on a letter is left uncancelled — and they take it off and use it a second time.

They would not purposely try to blacken a neighbor’s name or destroy his character — and yet they repeat to others the evil whispers about him which they have heard, and thus soil his reputation.

They would not swear or curse in the coarse way of the ungodly — but they are continually using such minced oaths such as, Gosh! Gees! Heck! and other mild, timid substitutes for overt swearing.

They would not do flagrant acts of wickedness to disgrace themselves — but their lives are honeycombed with all kinds of little meannesses, impurities, selfishnesses, and bad tempers.

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Am I Loved? Will I Be Loved? Can I Really Love?

Without question, my greatest struggle and crisis of faith is, “AM I LOVED?” This question releases its evil first cousin; “WILL I BE LOVED?” Is being loved and loving contingent upon if I do some proverbial duty, service, behavior, performance enough and well enough? Close on their heels is “can I really love” without impure motive or impunity?

The only correct answer to these questions is simply God is Love.

What marvelous love the Father has extended to us! Just look at it – we’re called children of God! That’s who we really are.(1 John 3:1a, Msg)

Look deeply into the glory of love! Having begun in Father’s unmerited, unconditional, unending love; it elicits the following response!

My beloved friends let us continue to love each other since love comes from God. Everyone who loves is born of God and experiences a relationship with God. 8 The person who refuses to love doesn’t know the first thing about God, because God is love – so you can’t know him if you don’t love. 9 This is how God showed his love for us: God sent his only Son into the world so we might live through him. 10 This is the kind of love we are talking about – not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they’ve done to our relationship with God. 11 My dear, dear friends, if God loved us like this, we certainly ought to love each other. 12 No one has seen God, ever. But if we love one another, God dwells deeply within us, and his love becomes complete in us – perfect love! (1 John 4:7-12, Msg)

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Managing Change Wisely

I recall hearing from a wise mentor once that, the definition of insanity was… “repeatedly doing the same thing the same way, whilst also expecting a different outcome.” Duh! For me, that was also a good definition of stuborness or willfulness. ROTF

C.onscious approach to daily living
H.opeful that the future is bright
A.cceptance of transitory nature of life
N.on-attachment and non-addiction leads to serenity
G.iving control over to a higher power.
E.xpecting only the best.

1. One of the most useful personal management skills today is that of managing personal change. In times of turbulence, many people are feeling scared and frustrated about their lives for a number of reasons.

2. We live in turbulent times no doubt, which makes managing change an important skill in today’s age. It takes knowledge and Work to be able to adapt to changes in life so you can stop worrying and start living more of your life.

3. Virginia Satir, a pioneer of family therapy, developed a Model of how individuals experience Change. The Satir Change Model says that as we cope with unexpected or significant Change, we predictably move through four stages: Late Status Quo, Chaos, Practice and Integration, and New Status Quo.

4. A lot of people don’t have goals other than working, errands, household chores and relaxing with family and friends. Of course there is nothing wrong with doing these things. If you are perfectly content with the structure and current direction of your Life, then don’t Change a thing.

5. It’s not enough that we have to deal with the normal Personal changes that we all go through in life, but these days we also have broader issues to contend with such as the global economy, the domestic economy (job loss, company closures), the environment, technology, and changing cultural values.

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True Friendship or Playing at Friendship?

Proverbs 18:24 NRSV
Some friends play at friendship
but a true friend sticks closer than one’s nearest kin.

I think that, on the whole, we don’t really know how to be friends these days. In fact, our idea of friendship is often quite skewed because we either liken it to some kind of party (albeit an informal gathering down at the local pub over a brew) or we see it as something that makes us feel better. I think, all in all, we are more likely the first—someone who plays at friendship—than the latter—someone who sticks closer than a brother.

Understand that, when Proverbs was written, families lived together in one compound. Thus, there was a bond—heightened by financial intertwining—that existed between brothers. Sons (and daughters) didn’t grow up to maturity and move away, but rather grew up to become part of the family’s industry (whatever that was). Brothers were interconnected to such an extent that it was difficult to exist apart. So not only were they related physically (by blood), but there was a geographic and financial relationship that never ended.

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Marriage is About Honoring God

Marriage is very special to the Lord. He didn’t just create two genders and throw them together, hoping that they might be able to work out some kind of relationship. He actually create marriage when he created men and women. In other words, what’s important isn’t so much the relationship as the marriage itself.

Proverbs 18:22 NRSV
He who finds a wife finds a good thing,
and obtains favor from the Lord.

In our society, we have lowered marriage to simply relationship. It’s so much more than that. Marriage is an earthly picture of the Church’s relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. In Ephesians 5, Paul calls this kind of joining, two becoming one flesh, “a great mystery” (v. 32). And it is just that. When two—a husband and wife—join together, they become something wonderful. And that “something” is also a picture of how God wants to be joined with us.

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