Divorce

Asking for Support: Getting the Help You Need – Part 2

by Dale & Juanita Ryan | see: Part 1

We resist getting help

In spite of the abundance of God’s love and grace and the many ways in which love and grace are available to us, we do not easily reach out for the help we need. Even when we have acknowledged our need for help, we may find ourselves hesitating, finding excuses, resisting. Resistance to getting help is often the result of a mixture of fear and despair and shame.

Fear

It can be frightening to get help. In the process we feel vulnerable and exposed. Jim’s Dad had made cutting remarks about him all his life. Jim was so accustomed to hearing that he was lazy and stupid and irresponsible that every time he shared in his support group, he expected to hear these same hurtful comments in response. Even though people didn’t respond this way, Jim imagined that everyone must be privately thinking these things about him. As a result, he would sometimes begin to share only to freeze with fear and find himself unable to talk.

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Asking for Support: Getting the Help You Need – Part 1

by Dale & Juanita Ryan
See: Part 2 | Part 3

The God of the Bible is a God who saves and heals. The Bible is clear about this: He will deliver the needy who cry out, he will rescue them from oppression and violence. Psalm 72: 12,14) When we see our need, acknowledge our inability to save ourselves, and cry out, God delivers us. God rescues us from oppression and violence. Whether it is the oppression and violence of our compulsions and addictions or the oppression and violence of abuse and neglect, God delivers us and heals us. God is powerful enough and loving enough to deliver us from all of the oppression and violence we face.

This is the good news proclaimed in Scripture. And it is the basis for our hope on the recovery journey. We cannot save ourselves. Or heal ourselves. But God can. And God will.

Sound simple? It turns out to be anything but simple. There are several reasons for this. First, we find it hard to believe that God is

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Understanding and Living our Relationships According to God

… diligently seek him. Hebrews 11:6

Who do we have relationships with? What are our most important relationships? How should we handle our relationships with others? Is our interaction with others pleasing to God?

Who do we have relationships with?

    1. God/Christ
    2. Spouse
    3. Children
    4. Extended family (parents, grandparents, uncles, nieces — etc)
    5. Friends
    6. Co-workers and acquaintances

What are our most important relationships? (In this order)

    1. God / Jesus Christ
    2. Spouse
    3. Children
    4. Family
    5. Friends/Others

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Diamonds, Horses & Grass (poem about Marriage Renewal)

If you find yourself losing the joy in your life
And your blessing is more like a curse
And you wonder what’s wrong with that sweet little girl
That you’ve taken for better or worse,

You look at her now and hear yourself say,
“A11 she does is gripe and complain.”
But maybe if you took a look at yourself,
You would find what exactly has changed.

Now, you didn’t used to call on that girl
With chicken hanging out of your teeth,
Your pants undone and your hair not combed
With whiskers you’ve had for a week.

You’d take three baths and put on cologne,
Shine your shoes and wax your car.
Then, you’d stand at a mirror and work on your hair
Till you looked like a Hollywood star.

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How to Really Heal Your Marriage

And have put on the new man, which is renewed in knowledge after the image of him that created him. Colossians 3:10

What is Marriage Healing? Marriage healing is about individual inner healing and repairing damage done to the marriage, through the workings of Jesus Christ. We desperately need to understand how all of this works and have faith in God’s love for us. We have to believe that what God says for us is true!

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When Only One Spouse is Willing to Work on the Marriage – Part 2

See Part 1

What do you do when only one spouse wants to work on saving the marriage; or what can you do when your spouse wants a divorce and you don’t? Or how can you save a marriage when a spouse says they are not in love with you anymore?

Don’t give up on the marriage!

Don’t give up just because someone tells you to find someone new or thinks you should leave your marriage. They don’t know what you need—only God can fill your needs. No matter what, you’ll still be married to your first husband or wife, so don’t get any funny ideas in your head such as remarriage because that is not going to solve the real problem. Divorce does not solve hardened hearts or a faithless walk.

Sometimes the spouse that thinks they want out of the marriage is going through troubling times at the moment and regrets ever saying that or doing things that are damaging to the marriage. Don’t give up! Pray about it and ask Jesus Christ to bring you contentment and peace.

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When a Spouse Says They Are Not “In Love” with You Anymore

The truth is ALL marriages go through a period of time, usually after a year or two of marriage where the feelings of love seem to be lost…but it is not love that is lost but those giddy feelings that a person has when they experience a new relationship. Love can’t be lost because love is not a feeling but something you do! When a husband says he lost love for his wife, he means to say, “I want that feeling back so I can love my wife”. Couples BASE their marriage on how they feel rather than principled acts of love.

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The 3 Biggest Secrets For Staying Married For Life

Managing your marriage doesn’t have to be difficult. It takes a few initiatives on your part to get yourself into the proper prospective of how marriage really works. Marriage is about living your purpose and attaining your goals that are related to that purpose.

1. Marriage Takes Team Players

Marriage takes team players working together to accomplish the same objectives. It doesn’t matter what those goals are, but what does matter is how you play the game. For an example, a wife should not go her own way, and not consider her husband and the husband should not go his own way without considering his wife. What is that anyway? That’s not the intention of Gods design for marriage. I think that’s downright selfishness.

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Have You Really Fallen Out of Love With Your Spouse?

Why do we use the words, “fall in love” or “fall out of love”? What does it really mean to be “in love” with someone? First of all, understand that you cannot fall “in love” or fall “out of love”. Love just becomes what it is when two people spend a lot of time together and get to know each other.

Marriage thrives on intimacy and closeness with one another and when that declines or discontinues couples feel they are no longer “in love” with their spouse, even though they still care for and love their spouse. So what does that mean? It means they are confused about what love really is.

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