Mental Health/Emotions

Getting My Eyes Off of Myself

A cheerful heart is a good medicine,
but a downcast spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22 NRSV

We visited a church with our kids on Sunday. The pastor, in trying to make a point about honesty, addressed the dynamic that occurs when friends meet together: “How are you?” “I’m fine.” He concluded that often the “I’m fine” is actually a lie because we aren’t fine.

But are we?

As Christians should we have any opportunity for griping or complaining, moaning or groaning? Or are we actually stating a truth when we say “I’m fine,” a truth that perhaps we really don’t embrace but which is a truth nonetheless? Paul wrote:

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Should We Strive for Perfection or Effectiveness?

As a recovering eating disorder sufferer, I’m keenly aware of the perfectionistic component to the creation, maintenance and challenging treatment of the disease. It’s often an uphill battle. Perfectionism, fueled by deep anxiety and pressure, can kill. According to statistics…

  • Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness
  • A study by the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders reported that 5 – 10% of anorexics die within 10 years after contracting the disease; 18-20% of anorexics will be dead after 20 years and only 30 – 40% ever fully recover
  • The mortality rate associated with anorexia nervosa is 12 times higher than the death rate of ALL causes of death for females 15 – 24 years old.
  • 20% of people suffering from anorexia will prematurely die from complications related to their eating disorder, including suicide and heart problems
    (From South Carolina Department of Mental Health: http://www.state.sc.us/dmh/anorexia/statistics)

So, the word “perfect” is not just a word; it can be a threat.

The perfectionistic person, in recovery or not, is therefore, left to grapple with its meaning for his/her life. How important is it?

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When Prayers Seem Unanswered

This was written by an unknown Confederate soldier

I asked God for strength that I might achieve.
I was made weak, that I might learn humbly to obey.

I asked for help, that I might do greater things.
I was given infirmity, that I might do better things.

I asked for riches, that I might be happy.
I was given poverty, that I might be wise.

I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men.
I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of God.

I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life.
I was given life, that I might enjoy all things.

I got nothing that I asked for but everything I hoped for.
Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.

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Funhouse Mirrors: Distorted Body Images

When I was a little girl, I once went into one of those carnival funhouses with the mirrors. It was the one and only time I did so. I remember I didn’t get very far. I took one look at my distorted series of reflected images and high-tailed it out of there so fast, you could probably see my streak marks hang in the air.

Festive.

Cut to about fourteen years later: I was nineteen or twenty years old when I was, once again, standing in front of multiple mirror images. Only this time, there was no carnival- and certainly, no fun. It was, instead, just me, choosing to stand and scrutinize myself in front of my three-way mirror, picking myself apart, via my disordered eating and body image behaviors.

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How Do You Live?

Acts 17:28: For in him we live and move and have our being.

“Every woman on my dad’s side of the family has died of breast cancer except me,” a lady told me as I drove her to the airport.

I gulped before I answered. She was a miracle of God’s grace and mercy. I wondered what work God has in store for her on earth.

I told her I’m also a miracle of God’s grace and mercy. Twelve years ago I went through breast cancer treatment. Prior to my diagnosis, two cousins had died of breast cancer. My work on earth is not yet finished either.

My medical oncologist who oversaw my chemotherapy treatment had lymphoma, but she was fully alive and fully involved in the treatment of all of her patients.

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What does the Bible say about Abortion?

What does the Bible say about abortion?

According to the Word of God, abortion is one of the worst murders a human being can commit. About abortion, the Scripture says, In the secret place doth he murder the innocent. (Psalms 10:8) The “secret place” is the womb of a mother. Definitely, the baby is an “innocent.” No person who is fully aware of another’s total innocence normally kills that other human being. Even wild beasts such as like lions and tigers do not kill their own kind, but rather, they fight to defend and protect them. But, today, man has made himself even lower than brute beasts by slaying innocent unborn babies.

As abortion in the sight of God is one of the worst murders, it stands to reason that the guilty ones will suffer the worst punishments.

Further, the Scripture says, Lo, children are a heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is His reward. (Psalms 127:3). If children are a heritage or reward for parents, abortion destroys God-given rewards.

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ACOA in the Workplace – Burnout Checklist

Are you an adult child of an alcoholic? This will help you to recognize signs of burnout.

    1. Are you constantly bothered by aches and pains?

    2. Are you often ill?

    3. Do you work overtime or take work home on a routine basis?

    4. Do you feel a responsibility to lighten the work load of your co-workers?

    5. Do you feel sensitive to or responsible for your supervisor’s mood/problems?

    6. Do you resort to manipulation to get things done?

    7. Do you avoid confrontation?

    8. Do you suppress your feelings about work situations?

    9. Do you become anxious about your supervisor’s evaluation of your performance?

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Special Counseling Concerns for Women

1. A special strategy for people with drug and alcohol problems is essential
Addicts have special needs that the “garden variety” sinner does not have. They can be identified by using a standard alcohol screening test during the intake process. Then we can help them to get into an active program of recovery using such activities as support groups, addiction therapy, educational activities, etc. Use community resources if the shelter’s staff does not have expertise in this area. Addiction is a primary issue, so all other help giving will amount to nothing if the person cannot stay sober.

2. The Issue of Toxic Shame
By definition, “toxic shame” is an inner sense of being defective, faulty, unlovable, undeserving, unredeemable and hopeless. It is root problem for addicts, codependents and people from dysfunctional families. Most adults in family shelters fall into at least one of these categories. Toxic shame is the “glue” that holds the wall of denial together and prevents hurting people from accepting the help we offer them. They think – “If I admit I have problems, it proves that I am a worthless, useless human being.” Addiction leads to a total deterioration of a person’s moral life leading to a destructive mix of toxic shame and guilt. The Bible tells us that admitting our problems is not an admission of hopelessness or defectiveness. Instead, it is the key to forgiveness, freedom from our pasts and a new self-image.

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Preventing Relapse

Addicts relapse when it is more painful to stay sober than it is to get “high”. The immediate benefits of ceasing drug and alcohol use include:
improved health, better sleep , return of appetite, and clearer thinking. However, all addicts eventually face a challenge even more difficult than stopping drinking or using drugs — coping with life without them! Doing so involves a whole lot more than just “putting the cork in the bottle”. They must they learn a completely new way of life. We often refer to this process as “recovery” — the Bible calls it “sanctification” — a definite ongoing program of personal growth

Major Causes of Relapse

  • Denial
    inability to accept that one is indeed addicted to alcohol and/or drugs and that it is a primary cause of life problems.

  • Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome
    inability to cope with a set of very stressful, physiologically-based symptoms that occur only after use of alcohol and drugs has stopped

  • Emotional Dysfunction
    inability to cope with feelings such as grief, depression, stress, fear, etc., without mind altering substances.

  • Relational Dysfunction
    inability to develop and maintain healthy relationships with others.

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Helping Addicts Who Are Mentally Ill

How can we help the addict who is also mentally ill?

A. Understanding “Dual Diagnosis” — Up to one-third of today’s homeless adults are mentally ill. The trend toward “deinstitutionalization” of the mentally ill has meant that our city streets are now being flooded with people who at one time would have been hospitalized for their problems. As many as half of them are also addicted to alcohol and/or drugs. Many are “self-medicating” — using addictive substances to cope with their mental problems. Social service professionals usually do not like working with these “dually diagnosed” people because they can be so demanding and time-consuming. They can be too destructive and troubled for the typical addiction recovery program. And, mental health workers shy away from them because they often do not stay sober long enough for treatments to be effective. So, they end up at the rescue mission.

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