Discouragement

Toxic Thoughts

poison

Serenity is not freedom from the storm, but peace amid the storm.

Do you have any toxic habits?

No, I’m not thinking of Oreos or ice cream—despite my doctor’s warnings, those are clearly proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

I’m thinking more about thoughts, beliefs, or habits of thinking that limit our ability to live full, free lives.

There’s a lot in life that we can’t control, but we’re always masters of our own attitudes. We’re always free to choose toxic thoughts that poison our minds with self-defeating attitudes.

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Depression and No Self-worth

I’ve struggled and been in horrible, depressing bondage most of my life because I had no concept of self-worth and somehow that became tied to my appearance. I’ve struggled since a young teen with BDD, “body dysmorphic disorder”, a totally disabling disorder where the person sees themselves as so ugly and hideously deformed, they feel they have no right to even be alive and fear to be around others. I eventually turned to drink as my ‘coping mechanism” because that was the only way I could be around others and feel somewhat human. I’d been in and out of the hospital 7 times and had seen more Dr’s and taken more meds (often while still drinking) than I can remember. I even had shock therapy to try and overcome the overwhelming depression and hatred for myself.

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God Worked Powerfully in My Life

In the late sixties, long before I committed to follow the Lord, God delivered me from an intense IV Meth addiction. There were no withdrawal symptoms of any kind, I simply stopped.

In the mid-seventies, I lived in a hippie-type community in Pennsylvania. I smoked as many packs of cigarettes a day as I could get my hands on. Filtered or non-filtered, it didn’t matter. When I ran out of cigarettes, I rolled my own with Blue Bugler, the cheapest package tobacco you could by at that time. I looked physically fit, but every morning, I woke up congested with phlegm and I could not walk up a flight of stairs without stopping several times to catch my breath.

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Living a Double Standard

My feelings of guilt and shame towards a same-sex attraction began at an early age. I experienced frequent sexual abuse from an older male friend during most of my teen years, and hustling for money soon followed.

Years later, I was baptized in a Mennonite Brethren church as a public declaration that I would follow Christ. My secret desire was that maybe now my attraction and sexual fantasies towards men would disappear. They didn’t, and the fantasies soon turned into years of acting out behaviours.

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Christian Guidance and Counseling

CLICK HERE IF YOU ARE IN CRISIS Database of Christian Recovery Ministries, Groups, Counselors and Meetings Biblical Counseling Referrals for Christian counselors: Christian Counseling Associations can recommend counselors. The following ministries provide guidance: Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, Guidance Dept. Toll Free Phone: 877-247-2426 Focus on the Family Toll Free Phone: 800-232-6459) American Family Radio Christian

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Peace in Times of Trouble

And straightway Jesus constrained his disciples to get into a ship, and to go before him unto the other side, while he sent the multitudes away. And when he had sent the multitudes away, he went up into a mountain apart to pray: and when the evening was come, he was there alone. But the ship was now in the midst of the sea, tossed with waves: for the wind was contrary. And in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went unto them, walking on the sea. And when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, It is a spirit; and they cried out for fear. But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I, be not afraid. And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water. And he said, Come.

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