Abuse

Sticks and Stones

Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me.

Really? I think that innocent childhood adage should be revised. Sticks and stones can break my bones but words … can break my heart. Broken bones will mend, but surgery can’t heal a broken heart.

This week I’ve been thinking about criticism. I’ve discussed Criticism vs Feedback and Keys to Responding To Criticism. One additional thought seems crucial to the basic premise of SetFreeToday.

You might guess that an event in my own life has prompted this analysis, and you’d be correct. I’ve been watching someone close to me in a wrestling match with criticism disguised as feedback.

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Criticism vs. Feedback

    If you have no heart to change it, you have no right to criticize it.

I’m skeptical whenever someone wants to provide “constructive criticism.”

I think criticism is a passive-aggressive form of boasting, an easy way to attract attention while trying to appear concerned. Critics often claim that they’re trying to help, but the real intent is to find fault, to highlight some flaw or failure.

In a sadly transparent admission of impotence, the critic tries to cast himself as the expert and raise his perceived status by tearing down someone else. As Benjamin Franklin said, “Any fool can criticize, complain, and condemn, and most fools do.”

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Difficult Biblical Passages for Jehovah’s Witnesses

1. 1 John 5:1 – Teaches that ALL who believe in Jesus are born again–not just a sub group (i.e., the “144,000”)

2. Isaiah 43:10 – Teaches that ‘no G/god was/will be created before or AFTER the one true God’ (contra their teaching that Jesus is “a god” created before creation).

3. Isaiah 6 in relationship to John 12, proving the deity of Christ. See Isaiah 6 on this web site.

4. James 1:27 – Pure and undefiled religion to visit orphans and widows. JWs completely neglect works of mercy, instead spending all of their organization’s resources on spreading their ideas.

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Five Ways to Help Cope After a Crises Situation

The American Counseling Association recommends 5 ways to help with coping AFTER a crisis situation.

1. Recognize your own feelings about the situation and talk to others about your fears. Know that these feelings are a normal response to an abnormal situation.

2. Be willing to listen to family and friends who have been affected and encourage them to seek counseling if necessary.

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Alcoholic Spouse Verbal Abuse and Mind Games

Ask Angie: My spouse abuses alcohol on a nightly basis and then uses verbal abuse and mind games which upset me greatly. When I arrive home from work tired and ready to rest, my spouse is ready to drink, argue and fuss. I do not remember the last time I was able to get a full night of rest. My spouse is bitter, chooses not to forgive and blames me for the drinking. I pray constantly for God is my only refuge. We go to church and it used to be that my spouse would not drink the day of services but now that doesn’t seem to matter. My spouse finds something negative each day against me in order to have yet another excuse to stop and pick up the alcohol she abuses the remainder of the evening. Thanks for any assistance and for your prayers.

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When the Wheels Come Off

I grew up in the 70’s and 80’s when parents still told their kids to go outside and play. My friends and I would spend all day in the yard and when we got hot and sweaty enough we’d run to the back patio, open the water spigot on the side of the house and get down on our hands and knees so we could get low enough to turn our mouths up for a drink of water that splashed all over our faces and down our necks. In the evenings I remember seeing my parents shaking their heads as they watched the oil crises in the 1970’s unfold on the nightly news. Gas prices skyrocketed to 73 cents a gallon! “Turn it off,” my mother would say to my dad. “Good grief! The wheel’s are coming off but they make it sound like the world’s ending.”

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Taking Step 4

When I was first told about making a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself I was filled with FEAR. And then to admit to God, to myself, and to another human being the exact nature of my wrongs — YIKES! Where to start??

Instead of starting with me, I think it starts with God and His Word. We need to hear, read and study scripture. By doing this we learn what God wants us to be–what His standards for us are. We must make ourselves available to God through meditation, prayer and by serving Him rather than our own needs, material desires, and lusts.

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Revelation: Don’t be Aftraid

Many people shy away from the Book of Revelation thinking it is too frightening or not applicable to the daily life of a Christian; certainly not to someone in recovery. No so! Revelation has many themes running through it. In this Book great evil is given full reign over the earth. Horrible and terrifying images are presented. There seems to be no way to overcome this terrible evil.

But if you read to the end of this book we learn that God is sovereign. He is greater than any power in the universe. Satan and his minions are defeated. In the end, a new heaven and a new earth are created where we, as believers, live in peace and security for eternity.

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Are You Tending Your Garden?

Recovery is much like tending our own garden. A garden needs water, fertilizer, sunshine, good soil and a lot of attention by the gardener. We, as Christians and recovering people need:

  • the water of prayer, meditation, and communing with God
  • the fertilizer of fellowship
  • the “Sonshine” of resting in Him (letting go and letting God)
  • the rich soil of God’s Word in which to firmly anchor our roots. Not only must we read the Word but we must *understand* it and *actively apply* it to our own lives. Roots must be anchored in the soil, they must take up the nourishment and then send it to the entire system of the plant so it may flourish.
  • a lot of attention by us, as our own gardeners, to remove all weeds that appear.

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What’s Love Got to Do With It?

What does love have to do with recovery? EVERYTHING! Easily a book could be written on this subject but I only have a few lines, so here goes.

Lack of self-love results in a tremendous amount of inner pain. Low self-esteem often leads people to look to sources outside of themselves for the love that they do not feel for themselves. This can result in “looking for love in all the wrong places” like same sex relationships, drugs, abusive relationships, codependent relationships, eating too much, alcohol, improper sexual relationships, etc. Or one might try medicating the pain with drugs, alcohol, food, gambling, etc.

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