Guidance

Asking for Support: Getting the Help You Need – Part 2

by Dale & Juanita Ryan | see: Part 1

We resist getting help

In spite of the abundance of God’s love and grace and the many ways in which love and grace are available to us, we do not easily reach out for the help we need. Even when we have acknowledged our need for help, we may find ourselves hesitating, finding excuses, resisting. Resistance to getting help is often the result of a mixture of fear and despair and shame.

Fear

It can be frightening to get help. In the process we feel vulnerable and exposed. Jim’s Dad had made cutting remarks about him all his life. Jim was so accustomed to hearing that he was lazy and stupid and irresponsible that every time he shared in his support group, he expected to hear these same hurtful comments in response. Even though people didn’t respond this way, Jim imagined that everyone must be privately thinking these things about him. As a result, he would sometimes begin to share only to freeze with fear and find himself unable to talk.

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Asking for Support: Getting the Help You Need – Part 1

by Dale & Juanita Ryan
See: Part 2 | Part 3

The God of the Bible is a God who saves and heals. The Bible is clear about this: He will deliver the needy who cry out, he will rescue them from oppression and violence. Psalm 72: 12,14) When we see our need, acknowledge our inability to save ourselves, and cry out, God delivers us. God rescues us from oppression and violence. Whether it is the oppression and violence of our compulsions and addictions or the oppression and violence of abuse and neglect, God delivers us and heals us. God is powerful enough and loving enough to deliver us from all of the oppression and violence we face.

This is the good news proclaimed in Scripture. And it is the basis for our hope on the recovery journey. We cannot save ourselves. Or heal ourselves. But God can. And God will.

Sound simple? It turns out to be anything but simple. There are several reasons for this. First, we find it hard to believe that God is

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As We Understood Him – Taking Step 3

In our 3rd step “We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.”

One very interesting fact of this step is that the amount or degree of our lives and will, we are able to turn over to God, will be determined by the amount or degree of our understanding of Him.

Many of our brothers and sisters came into the program as Atheists or Agnostics. In the 4th chapter of the Big Book of A.A, titled “We Agnostics” we read the following “Instead of regarding ourselves as intelligent agents, spearheads of God’s ever advancing Creation, we agnostics and atheists chose to believe that our human intelligence was the last word, the alpha and the omega, the beginning and end of all. Rather vain of us, wasn’t it? We, who have traveled this dubious path, beg you to lay aside prejudice, even against organized religion.”

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Is Fear “Normal?”

We take fear for granted.

I think we live in a culture of fear. We’re quite literally immersed in it. We’re so accustomed to being afraid that we don’t even realize how much this embedded fear drives our thinking, attitudes, and choices.

For all of our talk about freedom we seem obsessed with power and control. We have this insatiable need to manipulate others and control our environment, and I believe it’s mostly rooted in insecurity and fear.

How much of your time and attention is devoted to avoiding every conceivable risk—or even the appearance of risk? How much do you worry about “threats” that aren’t meaningful threats at all?

How much energy do you expend controlling others? How much do you seek power through some form of coercion, as though it’s just the way it’s supposed to be?

What’s the cost of all that fear?

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Relapse Warning Signs

Read the following lists of relapse warning signs. Place a check mark next to any that have happened to you. Place a question mark next to any that you do not understand. Underline any words that cause you to have strong thoughts or feelings, make you want to do something.

Phase I: Internal Warning Signs

  • ___ Trouble thinking clearly: Sometimes I cannot understand what is going on. At times, it is hard to think, or I can only think about the same thing over and over. At times I cannot think at all, or when I do, I make mistakes that I usually would not make.

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Rules to Live By

1. Wake Up !! Decide to have a good day.
Today is the day the Lord hath made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalms 118:24

2. Dress Up !! The best way to dress up is to put on a smile. A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at outward appearance; but the Lord looks at the heart.
I Samuel 16:7

3. Shut Up !! Say nice things and learn to listen. God gave us two ears and one mouth, so He must have meant for us to do twice as much listening as talking.
He who guards his lips guards his soul. Proverbs 13:3

4. Stand Up !!… For what you believe in. Stand for something or you will fall for anything..
Let us not be weary in doing good; for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good… Galatians 6:9-10

5. Look Up !!… To the Lord.
I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

6. Reach Up !!… For something higher.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, And He will direct your path. Proverbs 3:5-6

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Simple and Pure Devotion = Nurture

Were you nurtured? Are you presently embracing nurture? Are you a nurturer? Let’s define nurture…

    …to support by way of encouragement, (as one does for another during a period of training or development) ensuring its success

    …to coach what is the fore seen in another (as with destiny, potential and promising giftedness), calling it forth to completion

    …to feed or protect one’s offspring (as a parent does for a child) until empowered to care for oneself and another


Who among us doesn’t need nurture? Who among us doesn’t fit somewhere; at any given time, in one of these definitions? Who among us has made it to maturity (in any given area of life) apart from the “nurture” of spiritual parents, mentors and/or friends? Wow! I am blessed with all three!

As the scripture says; The end of all things is near; therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:7-8, NIV emphasis mine. These difficult “end” times call for the Body of Christ to cover each other-not expose or exploit one another’s weaknesses.

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Not Sure What to Do?

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not rely on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him
and He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

This implies that God is always present with us, is willing to be consulted by us, and will surely attend to us.

This implies that our way is likely to be difficult, dark, and perplexing; a way in which we have never traveled before, and in which we are likely to be misled.

This implies that only way to be safe, to walk securely–is to seek Divine direction; and this God is willing to give–but He will have us ask it of Him. We are dependents–and we must realize our dependence. We are but children–and we must feel it, and act as under the impression of it.

“In all your ways acknowledge Him.”

You have His Word–consult it; make it your counselor, your directory and your guide.

You have His promise–believe it; He says, “I will teach you and instruct you in the way which you shall go, I will guide you with My eye.”

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Are You Taking Advantage of Kingdom Synergy?

Historically, no outpouring of God has lasted very long apart from intentional Kingdom Synergy. What is “synergy?” Synergy happens when two or more entities decide to join their visions for the purpose of an agreed upon outcome. They realize that doing this greatly enhances the outcome they could ever achieve alone.

Many places in the New Testament, believers were instructed to be of one mind and heart. As a matter of fact they were told to do nothing but pray together in the Upper Room until they came into oneness-‘Kingdom Synergy’.

After His death, he (Jesus) presented Himself alive to them in many different settings over a period of forty days. In face-to-face meetings, He talked to them about things concerning the Kingdom of God. As they met and ate meals together He told them they were on no account to leave Jerusalem, but must wait for what the Father promised: the promise you heard from me. John baptized in water; you will be baptized in the Holy Spirit. And soon. Acts 1:3-5, Msg.

If you can be patient with me for a moment, I’ll share a bit of “Ron’s” (loosely held) theology. My experience is my experience. I’m not saying any one has to agree with or mirror mine.

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Asking for Wisdom – How Are You Praying?

A verse that often comes to mind is James 1:5:

If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.


When was the last time you asked for wisdom? I have been to a great many prayer meetings over the years, but I don’t recall hearing many prayers for wisdom. Either church folk are content to be stupid, or else they assume that they are wise.

The interesting thing is that no strings are attached to praying for wisdom. We are simply to pray in faith. At the same time, we are told how important wisdom is: “Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom” (Prov. 4:7). We are also told that wisdom is a blessing (Prov. 3:13); it is better than rubies and everything else (Prov. 8:11); it is the foundation of the good life (Prov. 24:3), and so on and on. Very obviously, God regards wisdom as necessary to the good life, and also promises to give it to all who ask for it.

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