I was Drowning

To tell what CIR has meant to me is to tell a story of survival – a life saved – spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

I do not consider it a mere coincidence or stroke of luck as to how I came to find Christians in Recovery. I have no doubts whatsoever that God led me directly to this wonderful place. I was literally losing my life, drowning in a sea of addictions, SSA, depression, and drugs… all the effects of past sexual abuse.

I was suicidal. I was frantically searching for a ‘lifeboat’, for something stable and secure to rescue me out of the sea of emotions where I could barely keep my head above water much longer. I was desperately seeking love in all the wrong places. I was crying out for someone to hold me safely and rock me like a baby. I wanted someone to tell me that everything was going to be alright. I wanted to be loved.

I remember looking for an online support group as a last ditch attempt at seeking help. As I was scanning the hundreds of groups that my search led me to, there was one that caught my eye because I saw the word “Christian” in its title – Christians In Recovery. And so began my journey.

CIR is based on Biblical scripture and principles. There are leads to any and every type of assistance needed in recovering. There are forums for everything from which anyone has ever suffered. All of this is in one safe site.

I not only found my ‘lifeboat’ here – but I found the ‘oars’ to enable me to row myself to safety and a new beginning on a new shore of my life.

There are no strangers in CIR…they gently tuck every new member under their wings and help them along. Here were other people who knew how I felt and were dealing with the same things that I was.

The first message I posted was a desperate cry for help. I was in emotional pain and turmoil. I ‘spilled my guts.’ And to my total surprise a caring, loving woman answered me in my pain. She described my pain and knew exactly my thoughts, my feelings, my fears… She told me how and why I felt the way I did. She knew me and what I was going through before I knew ‘me’ or knew what I was going through! It was unbelievable. Here was someone I had never met who truly cared enough about me to spend the money to send me books, tapes, and devotionals. I was amazed that this woman knew so much about me and yet I knew nothing about her. I have since learned that it is because of the common bond of having been through the same abuses and the same hurts that we are able to know the soul of one another. Those who have been abused share that immediate bond.

So I listened to these tapes, I read the books, over and over and I saw my life laid out before me in those books… and with it… the path to healing. Then one day, my life turned a corner and I knew I was beginning the long road to recovery. I was no longer suicidal, my crying lessened, and I wanted to get better. This woman was my first “sister” and friend that I made in CIR.

And I met others who wanted to help…. other people recovering who wanted to reach out in love and take my hand. CIR is love in full bloom.

I soon found a 12 Step buddy that would become another sister to me; a friend and soul mate. She literally radiated Gods love in all that she said and did. She had miraculously recovered from alcoholism through faith and God’s strength and no longer had the desire to drink. She lived God’s Word and shared His gift of salvation with me. I had never known true salvation….I considered myself a Christian, but I had no personal relationship with God. But, the night she shared Christ with me will forever be ingrained in my memory for God’s Spirit was present that night. Because of this friend and sister in Christ I have been shown the way to life eternal and God has placed His Holy Spirit in my heart.

I was addicted to prescription drugs and before I could recover from all of my other problems I needed to have a clear body and mind. And so together we began the 12 steps. I am still working on that today…it is a long and slow process, but one that I know will lead me to victory over my addiction.

I have made many new friends in CIR that will be lasting and lifelong healthy relationships, God given friends who have changed my life completely. They come from all over the United States and Canada – from Maine to Florida and California. I may never get to meet them all in person, but our hearts have been linked through God’s love and mercy forever.

~ Ruth, a CIR Member