Ask Angie: How do I stop being a jealous wife?
Marriage Guidance: Jealousy is a strong, negative emotion that can create sin in our lives. Our heavy-laden emotions literally keep us away from God because we’re so wrapped up within our feelings that we are living for them instead of for God.
I know this first hand because I’ve been there and done that already. I used to be addicted to my emotions. I kept myself depressed and resent-filled within my own little world. I talk about this in my personal testimony Journey on the Roads Less Traveled.
You may have a very good reason to be jealous but if you allow jealousy to take over your heart and mind it will keep you from seeking God for your life. Being controlled by our own desires and emotions stunts our growth in Jesus Christ.
It is not whether or not you have reason to be jealous but it is how you process this emotion and other negative feelings with others. In other words, just because you have reason to be jealous does not mean you can abuse yourself and others with it.
Jealousy attaches itself to our emotional and mental state and it grows and grows like a parasite. It can make up the rules on how we behave towards others. The only way to rid ourselves of jealousy and other harmful emotions is through our relationship with Christ. Faith allows for us to process our emotions in the proper manner rather than letting them consume our lives.
We can never stop feeling emotions, it is human nature to have emotions, but we can learn to control them by learning how to process them out of our system properly. We certainly can’t remain in our destructive emotions—somehow we have to let them go. We have to trust in God and allow Him to show us the proper ways to deal with our emotions.
Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be women of courage; be strong. 1 Corinthians 16:13
Jealousy can cause great marital discord and discomfort for the spouse who has to deal with the abuse of a jealous / angry / suspicious spouse. No one wants to be berated by an angry spouse, especially if they have done nothing wrong. A jealous spouse may blame, accuse, and demand things. This causes great distress in the marriage and it doesn’t resolve anything!
Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy? Proverbs 27:4
The only way to work out marital issues of jealousy, mistrust, and suspicion is to stay in control of your emotions and allow Christ to take over. You have to trust in Jesus for your spiritual well being. Only Christ can give us the peace and contentment we so much need in this world.
We say with confidence: “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can a man do to me?
How can you work out your problems when your emotions aren’t allowing for anything to be worked out? Don’t allow your negative emotions to lead your marriage, that’s like trying to dig up a garden bed with a rake. Granted, there may be good reason to confront your spouse with your jealous accusations, but why harm your own spirit in the process?
Christ does not want us to take matters into our own hands. He wants us to go to Him and find the peace we need. Once we understand how our emotions work we can then go to our spouse with proper communication that will actually be beneficial to the relationship and ourselves.
Jesus said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Matthew 11:28,29
Jealousy can be very dangerous for some people. Crimes of passion have happened during a jealous rage. But these are people who haven’t put their trust in Christ. They haven’t been given the knowledge or the understanding of how to control their emotions. Angry and bitter people are like this too. They take matters into their own hands and end up paying the consequences for their horrific actions later on.
For jealousy arouses a husbands fury, and he will show no mercy when he takes revenge. Proverbs 6:34
If a spouse is flirting with the opposite sex or committing adultery we wouldn’t be human if we didn’t feel jealous and anger. But we need to control jealousy through communication with our spouse, through our relationship with Christ, through relaxation and meditation, through physical exercise and activities.
The minute we go out on a tirade, spitting out angry words and obscenities is the minute we have allowed an emotion to control our spirit – to control the person that God wants us to be and the person Christ teaches us to be. Remember that being controlled by our desires and emotions stunts our spiritual growth in Christ.
Brother’s I could not address you as spiritual but as worldly – mere infants in Christ. I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not ready for it. Indeed you are still not ready. You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarrelling among you, are you not worldly? 1 Corinthians 3:3
The bottom line is using our emotions in negative ways will not fix the problem it will only make us be controlled by our own desires. Let’s go to God and ask Him to help us to overcome our heavy emotions through positive action and behaviors that will actually assist in our growth in Jesus Christ.
But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:20