Ask Angie: Hi Angie. Does a wife or husband have the obligation of making each other happy? My husband has had 3 failed marriages.
Ask Angie: How sure can you be to enjoy a second marriage when the first one didn’t work out? I would also like to know how to enjoy sex anytime he needs it.
Please print out this marriage column and discuss it with your spouse.
Marriage Guidance: What does obligation mean exactly? It means a responsibility or duty to something or someone. In marriage that would mean encouraging, supporting, and caring for one another through those responsibilities. No one can actually make another person happy, no matter what they do, since happiness comes from within the spirit of self. Read the articles at the end of this marriage column with your spouses.
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife and likewise the wife to her husband. 1 Corinthians 7:3
What does the above verse mean? God designed a man and a woman to compliment one another through the roles and positions they have been given in marriage. The husband has a responsibility to his wife to care for and love her in much the same way that Christ cares for and loves His church—the people. The wife has a responsibility to be supportive, submissive and a helpmate to her husband.
Married Life Responsibilities/Obligations
A woman/wife has needs and wants. A husband should take care of his wife’s needs and wants the best he can. Emotionally she needs and wants to feel respected and appreciated by her man. Physically most women need to be protected by their husband’s. Financially she should have all of her basic needs met—shelter, clothes, food. Even if a wife contributes to the finances she is still obligated to be dependent on her husband. She is not independent of her husband just because she has a job or makes more money. This mixed up attitude is what causes problems in marriage. In my opinion marriage works better when a woman is home tending to the things of home and family.
Intimately/sexually she needs a close intimate bond with their husband. Her husband needs to be considerate of her sexual and intimate needs. When she feels good about herself it helps her to carry out her marital role with love. Spiritually she needs to love and obey God with her heart and mind. Her husband cannot do that for her. She needs to have her own personal, growing relationship with God. How good or bad her relationship is with Jesus Christ will ultimately show in how she cares for her husband.
If a woman’s needs and wants have been taken into consideration where is the problem?
A man has needs and wants. A wife should take care of her husband’s wants and needs the best she can. Emotionally he needs to feel respected and appreciated by his wife. Physically he needs nourishing food and a clean home. Intimately/sexually he needs a close bond with his wife. His wife needs to be considerate of his sexual needs, which may be more often than hers. When he feels good about himself it helps him to carry out his marital role with love. Spiritually he needs to love and obey God with all his heart and mind. His wife can’t do that for him. He needs to have his own personal, growing relationship with God. His relationship with Jesus Christ will ultimately show in how he cares for his wife.
If a man’s needs and wants have been taken into consideration where is the problem?
The reason that marriage doesn’t work the first time is because needs and wants are not met. Marriage needs a husband to take his position seriously while being considerate of his wife’s position. And a wife needs to take her position seriously while being considerate of her husband’s position. Then together they compliment one another in the ways that were meant for them. If both husband and wife meet God’s design for marriage then ultimately they will be the loving spouses they were meant to be.
Married Life Roles and Positions
God designed man to lead his marriage/family with wisdom. If a husband is leading his family in the ways of the Lord, then the wife should submit herself to her husband’s leadership. God designed a woman to be the helpmate to her husband, taking care of the things of the home with wisdom. If a wife is taking care of her family duties with love and wisdom then her husband should also be loving and submissive of his wife. Both husband and wife are called to submit to one another. The way a man submits to his wife is in the way he is called to love her…
Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Ephesians 5:25
Why Marriages Fail?
I firmly believe that marriage fails because of selfishness. If we don’t break out from selfish/fleshly living how can we care for anyone else? God has left us all the precepts we need to live happy and abundant lives in Him. Marriage is a merger of teamwork just like a business. If a wife or husband stops doing their part, or does not do their part marriage will ultimately fail.
Once we get rid of the idea of divorce and we get rid of the bad attitude is when we can begin to reflect upon who we are in the marriage and begin living our God fulfilled purpose. Once we get rid of the selfishness we can start to fulfill the roles and responsibilities that have been given to us by God. We have to choose to follow Gods plans for our marriage. We are the ones who fail marriage. Marriage does not fail—people do!
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vein conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should not only look to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus. Philippians 2:3-5 NIV
Take care and God Bless!
Book Source: Love The Man You Married – Love The Woman You Married
Available as instant downloads and hardcopy. http://www.lulu.com/angielewis
Jesus tells us that He is the Bread of Life. John 6:48. I firmly believe this one hundred percent! If I didn’t believe that Jesus was the One responsible for feeding me my bread everyday, I would go after something else to love me; I would go to another source. But since I truly believe that I am a child of God and that is where I get my satisfaction in life, I dutifully accept His Bread for my own marriage on a daily basis. I have learned through the years that God is my provider for everything under the sun. When I am hungry for love, I go to Him and get filled up. Give us today our daily bread. Matthew 6:11 NIV